It's complicated between a male friend & I.


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  • #943253 Reply
    Clara

    On Sunday evening, a guy I met and who used to live in my apartment (we made out just once that week). called to ask if we could eat food together, and I said that I had already eaten food while out. He called again that night and said that he was around my apartment and would like to say hi. I let him in. To my surprise, he came with fish and asked me to cook it for him. I declined, and he didn’t leave. I didn’t want to straight up ask him to leave. So I texted a male friend and former classmate. Let’s call him Dre. I told Dre that I wanted to get rid of someone in my house, and if he came over, I could help him with his work for an hour in exchange. I also offered to pay for his transport. Dre came over. We worked for an hour, but still this guy didn’t leave. Dre left. I then gathered the courage to ask that guy to leave. He was hesitant to leave and finally left around midnight while very angry at me. I’m not even sure what he was angry at. It’s like he was expecting for me to cook for him and allow him to sleepover.
    Now Dre left me a nasty message of how I should be careful of people I allow into my house and that he is a very emotional guy.
    I told Dre that I didn’t fear that guy since he used to live there and we had a common friend. I just didn’t have the courage to leave. Dre has ghosted me.

    A brief history of me & Dre: we are friends & former classmates. But our friendship is always on & off. At one time we are on good terms, then he does something or says something insensitive, of which I react, and then we stop talking. His insensitive actions always seem intentionally, for example, reading my diary, invading my privacy, getting mad that I don’t want to hold hands, etc. This time round, we have stopped talking because of something to do with my Sunday situation. I don’t understand why Dre is mad at me exactly. I feel like I should apologize, but I don’t know what exactly I should be apologizing for. That’s why I’ve posted to get different perspectives.

    In my defense, I asked Dre & told him the situation before hand, and he agreed. I also told him sorry for getting him involved, and he said it was okay.

    Also, does this seem like another scheme for us to stop talking again? It usually is him doing something insensitive, then we stop talking. This time round, we have managed to stop talking because of something on my side. What is this?

    Anyway, I mostly want to get a perspective of what I should be apologizing for exactly.

    #943256 Reply
    Tallspicy

    You are unable to ask someone to leave your home? That is literally dangerous. Please read up and act on being assertive.

    I am going to be straight with you. You sound very immature. Dre is most likely over it. He is unkind and you are immature. Only an unhealthy man would support you in being so ill equipped to handle your own situations.

    I think you think apologizing is what needs to happen, but he might just be done and does not want to deal with drama and inability to handle things.

    #943258 Reply
    Clara

    I realize where I fall short. I shouldn’t have brought this guy to my house & I shouldn’t have involved Dre. Communication is an aspect I struggle with. That I know. And every time I think I’m now strong, something like this happens.

    I just wanted to know if I needed to make apologies. But I’ll stay away from him since it’s possible that he’s just done.
    Thanks @Tallspicy

    #943259 Reply
    Tallspicy

    If you want to repair, you can leave just one message by text.

    I know last night was a mess and I really appreciate you helping me. I know that I have some work to do on my communication, assertiveness and self agency. I should have never allowed myself or you to be in that situation. I will start by xyz (therapy, books, course) to improve. I really value our friendship, and I can tell you need a breather. I really hope you reach out when you feel more comfortable. Thank you again.

    #943264 Reply
    Raven

    Be done with both of them…

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