As some of you know, Eric and I are going to be publishing our first book. “He’s Not That Complicated: How to Crack a Man’s Romantic Code to Get the Relationship You Want,” very shortly. (We will be releasing the book to the members of our Dating Decoder e-mail list within the next few days and then doing a worldwide launch within a month or so. If you want to be the first to have it, sign up for the list today!). There have been numerous setbacks (including my hard drive crashing and taking with it the most up to date version of the book!), but we emerged triumphant. The book is ready and we are beyond eager to share it with all of you.
As a little appetizer, we’ve decided to share a small excerpt from the book. I decided to share the section on infatuation since I’m sure it will resonate with most of you. Read on to check it out and please share your thoughts in comments!
Excerpt from “He’s Not That Complicated” by Sabrina Alexis and Eric Charles
The beginning of a new relationship can be a confusing time, tricking you into seeing and feeling things that are not true. Infatuation usually starts with the proverbial spark. You feel that tingly sensation all over, your senses are suddenly heightened and you’re experiencing something you’ve never felt before
As romantic as the idea of love at first sight may seem, it’s not reality. You cannot possibly know someone on a profound enough level to love them after a brief encounter. You can, however, become infatuated with them and this is where the trouble begins. We usually become infatuated when we don’t quite know how the other person feels about us. We know we felt something strong and all-consuming and that’s enough to convince us the other person must have felt it too, at least in some capacity. We read into the things they say and do, looking for any signs that prove our emotions are correct and that this is it.
This uncertainty about how the other person feels may cause you to obsess. Suddenly, this guy goes from mortal to end-all-be-all. His approval causes unmatched levels of exhilaration; his disapproval sends you to the depths of despair. When the initial magic fades, you may try to cling desperately onto anything to keep the fantasy alive. This may result in needy behavior: asking him why he didn’t call or text, analyzing every detail of every interaction, inviting him over out of the blue, even the dreaded drunk dial. At this point you’re grasping at straws, desperately trying to salvage something that never was.
When we become infatuated, we lose ourselves in the object of our desire. We don’t see ourselves as we are; instead, we focus solely on how the other person sees us. It is a cruel trap if ever there was one.
As soon as you depend on someone else for love and approval, you’re done for. You are at his mercy and he has you under his complete control. From there, only more problems arise. You bang your head against the wall trying to figure out how to get him to be the guy you hoped he would be, the one who is caring and considerate. You try to talk to him calmly and rationally, but it doesn’t get you anywhere and the problems persist. If you’re an ANM reader, this is probably when you’ll submit your first Ask a Guy question. Or, you’ll just round up your girlfriends and moan in exasperation, “I just don’t understand men!”
When you become so consumed with the approval of someone else, you open the door for insecurity to come flooding in and without even realizing it, you become needy. The best defense in this situation is a strong offense. You need to know who you are and what you want so that you can clearly recognize when you’re in a situation that you don’t want. The trouble with infatuation is that it places the other person on an undeserved pedestal. What can you do? Reclaim that throne!
At the end of the day he’s just a guy, there are plenty more of them out there. However, there is only one of you. Remember that and try to make the relationship you have with yourself your main priority.
Hope you enjoyed this little preview and I really hope you’re as excited to read the book as we are to unleash it! If you join our Dating Decoder list you will not only get to purchase the book as soon as it’s available, you will get regular e-mails from myself and Eric about all things men and relationships. You’ll learn how men think, what their behavior really means, how to get a guy to commit and treat you the way you’ve always wanted, how to re-ignite the spark in your relationship, how to hold his interest to ensure he never withdraws and leaves you hanging and much, much more, so if you haven’t joined yet, sign up today!
UPDATE: The book is now available! Click here to learn more about it and find out where can get it!
– Sabrina Alexis