This topic contains 16 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Peggy 1 month, 1 week ago.
September 20, 2020 at 11:21 am #813735
Hi, I’m after some advice here.
I’ve been with my bf for almost 9 months now and we text and/or phone each other everyday. He did most of the chasing initially. But lately I feel like he’s not putting in much effort in terms of texting/ calling and just in general. We both work full time and on Friday, he sent me a ‘how’s it going’ text and that was it. I replied and invited him over for dinner. But he didn’t reply so I phoned him a few times but he didn’t pick up. I decided to let him initiate but no word Saturday and now it’s Sunday afternoon, still no word from him.
We are in a long distance relationship and he’s been frustrated with me before saying he wants to see me more often e.g. twice a week instead of once a week. So I made that happen by studying at night after work so I can see him on weekends, took time off to match his holidays but what angers me is that he can get frustrated when I’m busy but when he’s ‘busy’ he ignores me texts and calls.
I’ve not heard from my bf for 2.5 days, is that normal? He’s been online these few days so I know he’s seen it, why would he ignore me? We didn’t have a fight/argument prior.
What should I do?September 20, 2020 at 12:47 pm #813740
wait till he reverts. and than ask him! dont blow up his phone with panic calls and messages.September 20, 2020 at 1:12 pm #813744
Sorry to say but it looks like he is losing interest or already lost it. You’re taking time off to see him ? Is he doing the same for you ? I doubt it … men know when they have you and you are clearly doing his work for him.
Also he is manipulating youSeptember 20, 2020 at 2:00 pm #813743
how old are you two? Sounds like your relationship is not equal give or take, he is taking and you’re moving mountains to give. Honestly guys sometimes loose respect for women who put up with their s**t, him not talking to you may be him seeing how you are going to react…how far can he push you? will you call him out? will you be dramatic?? I think you NEED to have a discussion. text him how you feel, and lay down the law of the land!! no favorable response or willingness to work it out= cut him off. YOU GOT THIS.September 20, 2020 at 2:34 pm #813756
I’m 22 and he’s 25. Well he’s done the same in the past, took time off work a few time to see me. It’s not like I’m the one doing all the work, he would sometimes drive 4 hours to pick me up. I don’t drive and we’re an hour apart. Sometimes when I’m tired he’ll drive an hour to pick me up to his place and then back so 4 hours in total. He’s usually alright with keep in contact but I don’t know what’s happened this weekend and Friday.
He’s gone MIA, not a word. It’s Sunday night and I’m sitting here a bit pissed off to be honest.
Should I message him or should I let him initiate?September 20, 2020 at 3:48 pm #813762
To me 1 hour drive is not long distance. Here thats going from one end to the city to the other side. Or less than my work travel time.
But i would sit back for now and see if he jumps back. I do feel. Its really only 2.5 days. So let if go or send him a short happy text if you havent already. If you feel this is going on longer it might mean he lost interest or is preoccupied but you still have to lean back. Thats the best way to gauge a guys interest level
Do a little bit less of the texting and see if you can have some more serious talks about what you both want. When you are seeing each other. 9 months seems like a good time.September 21, 2020 at 6:31 am #813850
Just give him a taste of his own medicine. Wait till he replies and ignore him for 2/3 days and reply in the same way if that didn’t bother him ignore him like he does until he asks if everything is ok then tell him what he’ve doneSeptember 21, 2020 at 2:37 pm #813905
Sorry to say I was in the same exact relationship as you. He wasn’t responding my texts and phone call one day and I knew something just wasn’t right, once I finally got him on the phone my gut just told me it was over. He never officially broke up with me and we didn’t really have a fight either, honestly it came into of left field. After that phone conversation I never contacted him again. Months later he attempted to make contact with me a few times giving me apologies and all, but I didn’t respond for most part.
I’m not saying that’s what’s happening here, but there are a lot of parallels I felt like in the beginning he was doing most of the chasing, then as the relationship went on I felt like I was doing more of the work, I chalked it up to him getting comfortable. The few times I brought it up to him he acted like he didn’t know what I was talking about, and would just placate me by telling me how crazy he was about me and how much he loved me. Nevertheless my suggestion is don’t contact him, wait a week see what happens. If you don’t hear from him in a week I see no problem in sending him text to see what’s going on (I sometimes regret that I didn’t do that, may have gotten my closure sooner).September 21, 2020 at 3:45 pm #813917
You’re 22. You don’t need to be putting all your eggs into one (sperm) basket.
In pre-COVID-19 days, I would’ve advised you to forget about him, get a reliable form of birth control and have fun with lots of guys before you tie yourself down with just one.
At this point in history, my advice would still be to forget about him, but I don’t know what the pandemic situation is where you are. COVID-19 WILL end eventually, but until that time, approach meeting ANYONE with an abundance of caution and preventive measures to minimize your chances of contracting the virus.
(Even if you decide to stay with him, you don’t know how careful he is at work and how many prople he comes into contact with every day, so I’d still advise your taking extra precautions in your interactions with him.)
(And I’m with Newbie re: the commute time. When we all had to be in the office on Tuesdays (before the state of Georgia decided that we would telecommute EVERY day until there is a vaccine for COVID-19), my commute was 1.5 hours each way – and that was on a good day, with minumum accidents and no road work.) if he complains about an hour’s travel time each way, I doubt that his heart is in the relationship.)September 22, 2020 at 1:27 pm #814374
He’s likely exhausted with all the driving work. It should be “shared”. It gets old otherwise. Also, lean back and let him initiate. Have a sit down discussion after a week of leaning back. Remember to keep firm boundaries.September 22, 2020 at 4:25 pm #814398
Thanks for the input ladies :)
I decided to phone him Sunday night and he said he was sick Friday and working that Saturday and was at his parents renovating the kitchen floor. I called him out about ignoring me and he said sorry about Friday and asked if I would forgive him. He said he doesn’t want me moaning at him as his boss has been moaning about him all week.
He phoned me yesterday at lunch and texted me this morning, but I feel like he’s still distracted.
I feel like he’s told me the truth about this weekend but I don’t believe that everything is fine. I feel like maybe it has something to do with his work/boss? I’m also trying not to jump to the conclusion that he’s cheating or chatting up other girls. He’s not done anything to make me think that but I’m a bit insecure on that end.September 22, 2020 at 4:34 pm #814399
Has he mentioned anything about seeing you ? Or you’re just going to phone and text?September 22, 2020 at 4:42 pm #814400
He’s usually pretty good at asking to see me or arranging stuff. But for the past two weeks he’s not been doing that. Ughh I’m so anxious for some reason.
He texted me today but when I phoned him after work he didn’t return my call. That’s usually the time we talk. And then before bed we phone each other. I phoned him just now but he’s engaged in another line. I don’t thin he’s going to phone me back.
It just makes me sad and disappointed to be honest.September 22, 2020 at 4:48 pm #814402
This doesn’t look good. I was in a similar situation. You might have seen my post on here and turned out the guy I was dating went back to his ex lol
But I am 30 . You’re 22. When I was your age I was the one calling the shots because I didn’t care. Trust me , you’ll meet so many amazing guys in your life that you will laugh at this whole situation in the future.
I’d start letting this guy go . You deserve better than that 🙂September 22, 2020 at 4:50 pm #814404
You are trying to hard to get his attention and to him it starts to feel like you are work. And thats exactly what he told you. Youre young and its just a 9 months old relationship. Surely there are more things to do than keep reaching out to him. You exactly did the opposite of what we adviced you, which was to do nothing. The reason we adviced that is that he at some point starts to miss you and reaches out. Now youre right back at were you started. Find a hobby. The one thing bf dislike the most is being the center of their gf’s universe. They like independant women.September 22, 2020 at 5:12 pm #814405
Yeah you are right Newbie, I’m trying to hard. Hope it’s not too late but I’ll pull back for sure and break for whole the week.
I’ll keep you guys updated too? Also a way for me to stay ‘strong’ if that make any sense.
Thanks for being so lovely here everyone! XxSeptember 22, 2020 at 5:19 pm #814406
Yeah,I would stop all contact and watch what he does/says. I think there is no reason he could not have texted or called about feeling sick or going to help the parents. An all in guy would not leave you hanging or want you to worry. You do sound a bit needy though and you should have friends, interests and hobbies to take up the slack when he is busy and also interact with them even when he is around. I was in a situation with my now live in partner, where for various reasons he drove to me almost every weekend ( I was able to visit him about 4 or 5 times) for 2 years. He did not complain,although we also made a plan for me to move to his city,when I could. A guy who is all in,keeps you in the loop.I think he needs to learn not to take you for granted, you need to ease back and let him come to you…and it is possible he has lost feeling/interest or met someone else and is deciding what he wants to do. Time will tell. Do nothing til or unless he does something that shows he is as engaged as you want him to be.