He sent me these texts

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  • #427498 Reply

    I have been with my bf for two years, before that he knew me for a year. I am passionate about my work and I do a lot of things. Initially I did put a lot of things at the back seat and gave him a lot of my time till it started to slip for both of us. He got back to being very serious about his work first, he ghosted on me for couple of weeks and then I held my ground, which meant less time spend together. Now we know each other and how much busy we both are. But I do not complain and try to understand his situation. But he complains that he has expectations that I do not meet.

    Today, he called at work. We spoke for five minutes. He sounded down and I had to leave for a meeting. I said to him I will callback as soon as I come out from the meeting and hung up. While I was away he left me three messages. 1. I cant do this 2. You are too busy 3. I dont know how you work so hard but I suffer emotionally.

    I did not callback and I do not know what I should reply to that and if at all I should reply ?! He has said to me several times, he says what he means and there is no sub-text and although I can interpret those messages in many ways, I am not doing it, with all due respect. He was having a bad day today. What would you say? Reply or not reply? Its pretty simple , I am busy with work and so is he, I could not be available at the time that he wanted to and he is pissed about that and he is giving me a row of insecurity.

    Thanks in advance.

    #427514 Reply

    Wow. I would act like a man and ignore it. Or would ignore the content of his msg and text something completely out of topic like “just found out that now we can drink coffee on space with a special cup, how cool is that???!! Ttys Hugs”

    He is being a needy drama queen. I bet if a woman sent those texts to him while he was busy at work he would ignore her, dump her, say she is a stage 5 clinger or blamed on pms. Dont let any man affect your career with his neediness

    #427515 Reply

    Well, it’s pretty clear that his intention is to break up with you, which is unfortunate. It sounds like the two of you don’t have matching lifestyles, in terms of activities, free time etc. And it sounds like you are not meeting his emotional needs in terms of time available etc. However, it does not sound like he is giving you an option to change, he pretty much made a decision to end it and whenever someone does that without discussing it, they have come to a final decision on their own and it’s not up for discussion.

    However, since you two were together for 2 years and a text breakup is pretty immature, I would suggest you tell him, you understand his text and respect his wishes but you’d like to meet and talk in person for closure. If you really love him I would in person ask him if there is anything that you could do that would make him feel happier in the relationship and make him want to continue being together. Then I would wait for his answer. I would brace yourself though that he might say no.

    Sorry for your experience. And oddly you say he is busy too, so it’s a bit confusing but perhaps the two of you don’t make enough compromises for one another and then one or both are left feeling emotinally unfulfilled.

    #427516 Reply

    Geez, he knew you were at work.
    What’s with all the dramatic messages, that was in bad timing.
    If, it were me I’d let him cool off and come to me.
    Love does not pay the bills.

    #427517 Reply

    When someone in a relationship feels emotionally unfullfilled I think that is a bit more than drama, I think it means that the person isn’t that happy in the relationship. The person is just not meeting your emotional relationship needs, and this can be because it’s just not the right dynamic, or something is off in the relationship that needs to be addressed. I think you just need to talk to him in person and ask what is it that he can’t do, what needs aren’t being met, and get him to open up and then decide based on his response if both of you actually want to stay in the relationship or not.

    #427520 Reply

    Hmmm… 2 years in, I’m much more compassionate so I’d actually be the support system I’d hope that he would be if I were feeling bummed and needing reassurance… I’d reply “Babe, I know you’re having a bad day and we’ve already discussed that yes, I’m super busy with work. I’m not sure what you mean by “I can’t do this”…? I’m sorry you’re struggling emotionally. Let’s have a nice dinner and a glass of wine and we’ll discuss all this later. I LOOOOOOVE YOU!” *insert winking kissing heart emoji and DONE :)

    #427523 Reply

    He’s being a needy baby but he’s only human. Unless you’re just over it and don’t want to be with him any longer, this is a cry out for reassurance. Guys are allowed to have their crazy moments too. If it’s too frequent I’d be exhausted and leave, but that’s all depends on your preference

    #427524 Reply

    Ivy, I am not doing that ! Discussing or sitting him down. I don’t send all that when he is busy why did he not consider it? He could have called me and arranged to meet up ! Also it’s not like I don’t make time for him. We have long sessions of love making in weekdays often. But there are days when I am tired or he is out socialising or preparing for next day. It’s out of our control but even. I understand whereas he complains! We also spend most weekends together but the once we don’t stays in his bad books!

    Today he was having horrible day so I got all that thrown at me. I am not going to encourage his behaviour by being sympathetic or making time. Rather would not react or I am up for replying something that says to him that I did not hear his la la la.

    Besides all that I do like him and he is my darling..still…

    #427526 Reply

    Yes, you can be sympathetic but I don’t think men say those things when they are not thinking of making an exit from the relationship, but I could be wrong, he does sound a bit impulsive. I’d just do the nice date as someone suggested and have a heartfelt conversation with him and ask him if he feels happy with you and what you can do to improve the relationship. He might actually feel something missing emotionally from the relationship or he might have acted impulsively at the moment.

    #427528 Reply

    Jenny , I might have done something like that. Hmmmm…but if he was serious and breaking up then I might sound like someone being in denial !!

    #427531 Reply

    Patsytshirt, I like your response. I feel that! I’m gonna save that funny text for future :)

    #427535 Reply

    Ivy, it’s risky to ask him what I can do ! He will not let that opportunity slip and would punish me in bed :)!he is seriously horny and that question will be his jackpot and few days after he might pull this tantrum again!! You know men !!

    #427536 Reply

    Khadija….exactly my point!! Who does that?!

    #427543 Reply

    How about I say… if you are admiring me while sharing your pain then I understand. But if you are breaking up then it’s bizarre !!! Who does that over the text when their gf is busy at work!? That too after two years!!

    Or may be just don’t say anything or reach out to him for few days?

    I still sense neediness and desperation in the above reply!

    #427545 Reply

    The only way you CAN know what he meant is to directly ask him. It’s not viewed as “denial” to me, it’s viewed as let’s get to the core of the issue so we can then decide our individual course of action. If you want to break-up, tell me, if not, let’s work it out. I don’t have time for baby banter and added stress wondering “what’s going on”… We can discuss this later like adults. But sure, I don’t mind appeasing you to calm you if that’s all you need. He sounds like a handful though and once again I don’t know if I could deal with this type of neediness but I also know that if I’m no longer feeling compassionate towards you and I’m instead finding you annoying or burdensome, I’d think any further investment in you isn’t practical because I no longer have that feeling of genuine care

    #427549 Reply

    You really find it suitable to not talk to him for DAYS when you’ve been together for 2 YEARS just because he sends immature texts messages?? I’m sorry, that’s just really bizarre to me. If you don’t mind me asking, how old are y’all?

    #427558 Reply

    And FYI you’re proposed response keeps the conversation open and on-going. You’re clearly eliciting a response and if you’re as busy as you say you are then you surely don’t have time for the text back and forth nonsense

    #427559 Reply

    You can’t judge maturity level of a person or dynamics of a relationship by the age, can you ? I feel he needs space and needs to think what he did, hence I think I better get busy and let him be for few days.

    #427562 Reply

    Mine says ‘I understand I’m always busy but I want you to know you DO matter, but I’m trying to tell you in the nicest way possible I don’t have time for this right now, but I really do value you and WANT to work on this when I can give it my full attention. That’s just NOT right NOW’ Lol. Just sayin’

    #427563 Reply

    Jenny I do agree with your reply #427545. I will say that when/if I speak to him next ! Ty!!

    #427564 Reply

    That’s correct, you can’t. But you can be more understanding of maturity level when considering age. Reactions and interactions speak volumes in regards to actual maturity level as a whole but I’d be more likely to cut a 17 year old slack than a 30 year old…

    #427565 Reply

    Jenny agree again!! And you know he is busy too but I never put a finger on it. I just understand and try not take his being busy personally!

    #427566 Reply

    According to your hypothesis, I must say that we both are mature adults :)

    #427568 Reply

    I would give the most unemotional response possible, as he obviously made his decision without your imput & all he is doing is thinking of his needy needs. I would say “ok” it’s what a guy DOESNT expect. He likely expects you to go into pleaser overdrive & stroke his ego & I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction – agree with him, say ok, & go on with your day. He will either go crazy & say he made a mistake or will walk away

    #427573 Reply

    Lol. This is just my opinion of course but I’d imagine that 2 years into a relationship, it’s not “pleaser overdrive” it’s ‘seeing as how we’re both working towards the mutual goal of maintaining a healthy, happy, fulfilling relationship, yes, PLEASE tell me what you need and I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure we’re mutually satisfied’ IF you’re thinking your man needs ego strokes from you 2 YEARS in… You’re with the wrong man. Appreciation, consideration, and the desire to feel valued are MUCH different than an “ego stroke”. Just my opinion once again. I somehow always seem to fall into a completely different mindset. Lol. But SERIOUSLY, NO absolutely ZERO offense to anyone!!! I promise, I’m all about different persepectives!

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