Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › He sent me these texts
This topic contains 166 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Ashley 7 years, 9 months ago.
Ashley you said it ! Considering five hours have passed. Should I still send an ‘OK’ or leave it?
Just winding up at work. He did stress me out and made me unproductive today! I am not feeling good :(
Reply with ‘ok’? Or no reply?!
Jenny I feel like you often want to combat whatever I say & aggressively push your opinion no matter what not sure why .. it’s up to the op to take my logic or not & making quotations around my advice in a mocking way really isn’t necessary you say no offense but the way you write it is like you need to stand on a soap box to discredit what I say often but my logic stands as I know what I’m talking about from experience. A whole response to the advice I gave to the op is kind of uncessary because I actually do know what I’m talking about. if you don’t agree with me that’s cool but it’s just unecessary you seem to do this with me often take specific phrases I say & go on them. My logic behind what I say is:
Guys don’t care to hear all that blah blah blah blah when their mind is made up, it doesn’t do any good to do that. There is no benefit. & pleaser overdrive can happen after any amount of years that’s what turns guys off when a guy clearly is over the situation & when you say anything else it looks like you’re trying to convince them. It’s not impressive to them. To the woman it does not look like we are trying to please or convince but men see it & interpret it in that way.
If a guy wants to make it work with a woman nothing will keep him from trying. In this situation he is showing that he does not want to try. Hence my advice to agree with him. THAT may make him say “wait a minute, she is giving up so easily….”
Anon yes say ok
Done . Said ok! I will keep you all posted x
good for you anon :) just agreeing with a guy & saying as less as possible usually makes them reconsider what they’re doing & if not, there you go, you have an easy breezy non-dramatic solution. it’s a win-win for you. I only WISH I would’ve simply said “ok” to guys in these type of situations but now I know & hope my experience could help you today & save you further angst :)
” 1. I cant do this 2. You are too busy 3. I dont know how you work so hard but I suffer emotionally.”
I don’t think this is so bad. I’ve sent worse. Do you live together? If not, I’m not sure if I would answer or not. When I have done this, my guy just ignores me. I know he reads them because sometimes something I say gets to him, and he’ll refer to it in some way to set things straight if I’ve falsely accused him of something, or I might mention some tiny little benign part of what I said, and he will say, yeah, you told me that…If I what I said was really over the top, he’ll never bring it up. It’s like it never happened because it is usually a result of him being a real jerk, which he can really be and this is the reason our relationship is sort of comfortably oscillates “somewhere between the sacred silence and sleep.”
Anyway, I might just respond: are you okay? And then I would just not contact him until he contacts you. That’s more than a guy gives us when our psycho buttons are pushed–and you didn’t even do anything wrong.
I do not want to encourage this behaviour. That he can say anything to me anytime and he finds me where he left me waiting for him to contact me!! About to sleep , feeling really annoyed about this!!! Imagine, you are at work and very busy drowning in it when he comes and shoots unclear messages and exits while you are shocked.. What just happened ? What did I do? What do I do now?! I am feeling like blocking him until I cool down!! I have nothing from him after ‘ok’ yet!
I’m sorry Ashley, I said it wasn’t personal. I think we just have polar mentalities and are like everyone, are just attracted to/converse with different types of men. I do feel like you’re better suited to advise on this one those :) Seriously, no hard feelings *on my end at least
*this one though
& Dauny, when YOU’VE sent “worst texts” what is YOUR desired response? What could he say to resolve & calm your “psycho buttons”…? How does him ignoring you make you feel? What’s the deeper rooted issue behind the text in the first place?
Attention, reassurance, comfort. Just like a f*cking baby. Don’t get it twisted, I’m not down to play Mommy all the time but I’m aware enough of my own unstable moments so I’ll let a couple slide on your end as well. Part of a healthy relationship to me. When I’m weak you’re my strength and I’ll be strong when you stumble *or act like an annoying a*s f*cking child… But we’re in this together and it’s about balancing each other out… In my opinion
& a simple way to not encourage the behavior is to have a CONVERSATION about it… Sit his childish a*s down & say “Hey listen, I’m not sure WTF was going on with you today, but I don’t appreciate receiving your immature, impulsive texts while I’m busy and trying to work. We’ve discussed this issue numerous times and if you can’t deal with my limited time then we need to just go our separate ways. I’m trying my hardest to make this work and I don’t seem to be able to provide what’s going to make you happy because it’s just not POSSIBLE for me right now. I’m giving you what I can and I’m sorry if it’s not enough but once again, if you can’t handle it, it’s best we do break up because your behavior is inappropriate and unacceptable” PERIOD
This would’ve been done over my sweet dinner & wine proposal :) It’s like… During the day I really am too preoccupied to deal w your sh*t so I’ll appease you till I have a moment to absorb your immaturity, but when I CAN focus my attention to you, sh*t’s gonna get REAL ;)
But I’d expect an acknowledgment and an apology and then we’d prob just make-out, have some passionate sex and cuddle. Lol
Anon you have every right to feel that way especially since he doesn’t act like he even wants your input on it he is just spewing off stuff at you and it’s not fair to you. You deserve better! :)
Jenny no hard feelings either it’s all love here haha sometimes I just find it on the rude side when you take specific things I say in quotations accompanied by “lol” in what appears condesending tone & go on about what I am saying in a negative manner.
I don’t mean to get off topic I’m only saying this so you understand what I mean for example when I posted the thread other day just sharing out of humor, not asking for criticism or advice, you took an insignificant sentence I said in a conversation & went on about it to suggest I sounded full of myself & you would neverrrr say such a thing. Whereas not only was that not the case, I was only saying a fact, but it actually had nothing to do with anything regarding the crux of my thread whatsoever.
As I’ve said before, just because your perspective or opinion may be different than mine sometimes does not mean what I am saying is incorrect.
I’m sure you don’t mean it like that (as you said) but I am just saying it comes off catty & unnecessary to me each time. It only FEELS personal to me because you criticize my exact words.
I am sure you don’t mean it in that way but it’s just how it looks when I read it lol if you would be so kind, I could do without it in the future.
I’m not trying to sound overly sensitive I just come on here in positivity & when I get irritated like that it makes me feel negative which I don’t want to feel on here of all places. I hope that makes sense. :)
Thanks for you response. When I did the very worst stuff, I thought he had stood me up. He texted me from a bar to come meet him. I got there 10 minutes before closing because I took a long time getting ready. When I got there the place had closed early. I texted him and no response. I freaked out to an extent I never thought possible. Accusing him of picking somebody else up. I called and left voicemails, thank God I didn’t send him a crying one, but I was crying. I went home and cried myself to sleep. I was so humiliated. I thought I would never hear from him again. But I got a text late morning, saying…just getting texts now…phone died…was drunk fell asleep. He asked me out that night, and he did the best thing he could have done which was to act like nothing had happened. My eyes were puffy still from crying, I told him I was so very upset, I thought you’d gone home with somebody else and was deliberately ignoring me. He said he thought I would have just gone to his place. I said there is no way I would do that if I thought you had somebody else in there. He said…but I didn’t. and I said please delete all my texts and messages. I hope you didn’t listen. He said..what messages? We never have spoken of that again, and ever since, if his phone is dying after texting me, yes, for a date/booty call…that’s what we do, he’ll send me updates of percentage he has left till I get there. But I think we’re really through this time. I can’t take him back as he did something unforgivable in February. I have refused to see him since. And his efforts have tapered off.
That incident I wrote about happened about 2 years ago
Really? Were those msgs that bad? I am not very experienced about this but I guess if u care about him u would reassure him instead of posting on a forum. I heard that if a person wanted to break up he would go silent. If he still nags or acts needy, he still wants to make it work.
Anon, ask him to meet in person and discuss. You will lose him if the issues are not resolved. Maybe for the best if he is needy.
He just messaged saying . Don’t stop talking . Help me.
Meaning? More drama? :(
Lol. Geez, I don’t know about this one… I’m 50/50 to ignore or attempt to resolve. Would depend on my mood. AT MOST I’d say “Babe, please stop. This isn’t fun anymore. Come over *if that’s an option* and let’s talk or I’ll just talk to you later.”
Then I’d add “Love you BTW”
& Dauny I’m sorry :( but at least he forgave you for your stupid texts in the beginning :) I was TERRIBLE after my breakup when I would text guys. I was a total hot MESS!! Lol. The worst was when I sent this guy *what I’m assuming* some raunchy, explicit texts about what I wanted to do to his friend THEN lost my phone in a cab- I was embarrassingly trashed and now has ZERO idea what I said… I talked to him later & he joked he was going to print them out and blah blah blah. I ended up dating said friend for a while & I still wonder what I said… I owned it and was just like I can’t even imagine what I said but we must get together, read them, and have a laugh about them one day! Lol
One time I even sent a guy I was dating a screen shot of seriously the hottest guy I’ve ever been with, calling me and wrote “This is what I pass on for you” I was furiously pissed that he canceled a date with me, I continued to text saying I was over his sh*t- again I was pretty drunk- back in my post breakup hot mess phase & I felt soooooo bad the next morning. Woke to 3 texts from him… Was SO scared of what he was going to say. AAAAAND He said: ‘I got sick and wasn’t feeling well’ ‘I’m sorry, I should’ve mentioned it sooner’ ‘NO MORE pics of other guys’ I responded I was sorry and so freaked out he was going to yell at me, he replied ‘Nah, I’m too old for that sh*t’ *I was 27 he was 36. Lol. Love me some mature men. Even though I was SO undeserving at the time… So TRUST ME, I’ve LEARNED!! Lol
I think he might be in trouble, like anxiety or depression. He could be clinically depressed, but if that is the case, that is no fun to deal with and sometimes they can be dangerous. Help me is not normal. I’m not sure what you could do for him, do you think he could be suicidal? Maybe you could call some kind of hotline for advice.
I think what he meant was that whatever she was saying was fueling his desire to NOT be with her so he was encouraging her to continue talking so it makes it easier for him to leave her… That’s how I would interpret it at least. So he’s up-ed the level of anger and disregard. When someone’s there it’s almost impossible to reason with them which is why I’d at most give it one solid attempt but considering my mood right now I’d be thinking ‘f*ck you’ & my pride may win this one & I’d just ignore him
Also, what’s the big deal about being needy. This is just a general comment. I am the first to admit I have a void that when filled feels wonderful, and if a significant other does not give me reassurance when I need it, I’m very unhappy in the relationship. I am not clingy or dependent though, that is just gross to me. There is so much fear about appearing needy, we can’t even completely be ourselves or reach out for help when needed. I actually have a need for a guy to like my body exactly the way it is, not thinking I should lose a few pounds. I test them early on by saying things that will solicit a response letting me know if they think I’m super attractive, not necessarily conventional, but to them. If they don’t pass the test, I never answer there texts or calls again. For example, this one guy acted like he thought he was better than me, or that I’m nothing special, yet he wanted to see me again. One thing he say that failed him in my test was, about himself, “I’ve got a body like a 24 year old.” He was my age, late 40s. I said, well I’ve been told I’ve got a body like a 24 year old too. He laughed at me. The little shit that I could have picked up and thrown his 5’5″ ass out the window (and I am not big, just voluptuous). He was so sure he had me hooked, well I really enjoyed ignoring his 11 texts the next day and his stalking my profile over the next couple months.
So what’s the big deal about neediness? Really…