Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › He doesnt want a relationship but wants to keep seeing me
This topic contains 168 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Marin 4 years, 3 months ago.
Dont put your life on hold waiting for him!
He’s giving you false hope and thats not fair. Tell yourself its over.
If its meant to be it will happen anyway!
So i should stop talking to him as a friend ? Complete cut off ?
YES! He’s not your friend! He’s an ex. Two completely different fish.
If he really cared and loved you he would be with you. He knows what u want. Maybe hes just waiting for someone who he thinks will be better but keeping u in the bakground icase all else fails.
ok well here’s my situation: we’ve been friends for a few months (I was dating his bff but that didn’t go well -his bff never wanted a relationship and I could never bring myself to see that- after his bff and I broke it off I remained friends with this guy and started seeing him often and then I began to feel different about him. We started kissing and eventually had sex once. Our relationship hasn’t changed, we still text and see each other, but I have no idea where we stand or if this might even mean something. I don’t know if I should play along, refrain from having sex, and just go with it or if we should talk about it. I don’t want to seem anxious or needy (although I probably am) to talk about anything -I’d rather keep it cool- he knows I’m over his bff but I don’t know if he wants a relationship or if he has feelings for me. I think these things should be evident and that a gal shouldn’t have to really ask because the guy should obviously make his point…what do I do? Do I continue seeing him?
So on friday we ended up at the same place on a night out and it went tremendously wrong.
We ended up having a moment when we bumped into each other and he pressed his face against mine muttering “this is so hard” and kissed my forehead i just said i know then encouraged him to go in with the guys.
Some girl he knew came up and started telling me all sort of lies (which i later found out) so We ended up fighting which we’ve never done and when i walked away upset i ran into his best friend who was sitting with mine he asked me what was wrong i briefly told him what happend and that he better go find X to make sure he is okay. Before he went he told me that X loves me, he speaks about me ways hes never spoke another girl but he his head is just messed up and isn’t ready for a relationship.
So in my head i was ready to never see him again. On sunday morning i hadn’t been to sleep was lying in bed thinking of him he text me apologising and asked me to come over he would make me dinner and pay for my taxi so we could talk.
I went over and we spoke we both admitted we love each other. He told me he didnt think he could trust another woman until he met me and i meant alot to him but he just wasn’t ready to be in a relationship and didnt want to risk loosing me for good. We both cried alot.
We had an amazing one last night together as us. he wants to be friends i said i’d think about it but i dont think i can put myself through it. it never works.
He still wants to keep you as an option.last night will happen again and again.move on
@Sara you should of said, “well that’s the risk you’re taking with this ‘break’, and trust me it’s possible because I won’t sit around waiting for someone that’s unsure about me.” That would either got him going or not but you would sure know how much he “misses” you and wants you by his response (action) to that.
Sara, either take the advice offered here and go NC and stop seeing him and get on with you life (and he’ll come forward or not), or agree to be friends and see him/text him when he feels like contacting you and let him string you along and let him call the shots and maybe he’ll take you back or maybe he won’t, and then you can come here and ask us why this happened.
Entirely up to you.
If you read posts on this site, the same s*** happens to women over and over and they don’t learn, usually. Smart ones learn from others and stop making the same mistakes. Two weeks here of reading everything on this site and I’m cured of the problem I had when I came here plus I get men. After many years of doing dumb a** stuff and not understanding the male mind (Eric and Sabrina are right, he’s not that complicated), I finally get it.
Your choice! Be a yo-yo or get your self-worth in order and walk on… and only if he brings his A game does he get you. But you have to be on YOUR A game to require someone else to play that way too.
I just walked away from a similar relationship. I knew one thing. I wasn’t getting what I needed, so it hurt. My Mom always said “Love doesn’t hurt. If it hurts, it’s not Love…
Hi dont be friends with this guy. Its simple. All in or all out. A little painful to end things but in the long run you are saving yourself from potentially years of basically torture from a wishy washy guy x
These guys are good at making girls stick around being hopeful.
Even if u do continue with him, make sure u are still dating guys and not putting eggs in one basket.
It all comes down to this, I quote Sabrina here: The best way to get someone to see your value is to reject anything less than what you feel you deserve. You deserve a guy who will show you how much he cares, who won’t leave you on the hook, who won’t treat you as something that’s his for the taking. If he wants your time, your affection, your approval, he has to work for it gosh darn it! Never, ever, want someone who doesn’t want you. First off, someone who can’t see your innate value doesn’t deserve a place in your precious heart.
I am in a similar situation, but it’s a little bit more complicated. We were friends moving away to go to the same college so we decided to be roommates. We were both really sweet on each other and ended up sleeping together a few times before we moved. I fell pretty hard but he just wants to be friends. Now we’ve been living together for the past 4 months and are incredibly compatible – we both love living together. We hang out all the time and go out and also do domestic things together and it feels really nice. But the fact that he doesn’t want more really hurts because we got so close at one point which stirred up all of these feelings I still have. We’ve talked about it and he told me that he had the same feelings but he had some reservations. He said that maybe in the future it could happen, but he didn’t want to commit if he wasn’t sure. I told him I couldn’t live as roommates while we’re both moving on and that I can’t heal and get over him when we see each other all the time. He is really resistant to moving. When I think about living without him here it makes me really sad, but I feel like if “we” aren’t going anywhere then we are holding each other back. He is so cool and we’re like best friends, it brings me to my knees sometimes how much I like him and how frustrating it can be. I am on the fence about wanting to move because it’s such a PITA. But I’m in my late 30s and at this point I am looking for a committed relationship and kids.
SomeGirlsAdvice– I think what’s confusing you here is that he is obviously not a BAD guy and has feelings for you. Sometimes its easier to walk away when we’re obviously with bad men who treat us poorly (but not always….which is a different post….) HOWEVER it doesn’t change his behavior, that he can’t “be with you” for whatever reason. If you love him and want a relationship, you will retain your value (in his eyes but more importantly in your own heart) if you don’t get into a non-relationship relationship with him. I think you should tell him you need some time to sort out your feelings, but that ultimately you want to be friends (which is true, right?) then, don’t speak to him for 30 days and try to get YOUR life back. Detach from him, the idea of him, and start moving on in your mind and heart. This is SO HARD especially when you still like/love him, but it’s the best way to see the situation more clearly. a month will only give you clarity. After a month, speak to him if you want, but start dating other guys. maybe he’ll come around, maybe he won’t, but only make decisions based on his ACTIONS, not his feelings or words. You deserve a stand up guy who wants to be your boyfriend! If this guy is too confused, he will need time and space anyway. Either way, you feel better and you win. xo
I think u have got some gud advice here. read all the posts again and then figure what ur next step shld be. but do reall all the posts again.
“We had an amazing one last night together as us. he wants to be friends”
He wants to be Friends with Benefits and he wants off the hook for a relationship, off the hook for pressure, off the hook for commitment, off the hook for heartbreak, — but he wants all the benefits of sex with a woman who loves him, yes you!
I understand it’s hard and you can’t just press a button and turn off your emotions but you must gather up all of your strength and go no contact with this guy for at least 30 days.
However, I do not believe that after this 30 days he will change, even his friends said he loves you but is not ready for a relationship.
A man must be ready, that’s it and that’s all, he’s not ready, it won’t work, this fear stuff is bull, we are all scared, and what woman needs a scaredy cat guy. You need a real man, a man who has fears and accepts them and is ready.
Be strong and walk away, treat yourself well and grieve as needed.
I met this guy before, we were introduced but we were still both in our respective relationships. Then, he broke up with his partner for 5 yrs, while my partner just recently passed. I wasn’t really keen on him but I was surprised that he just popped up in my front door, been persistent til we dated. He told me he was checking out on me, but he doesn’t have much time actually coz he was planning to move to other place and he only got 2 weeks to do that. In short, he captivated me, and maybe due to my loneliness, we had been physical, we both enjoyed it I guess. Before he left, he went to my place, we talk for a long time, like he will see me again, and asked me to make a promise. So he went, but we continued making constant communication.
But then, maybe I scared him away when I told him that I think I already love him. Suddenly, he called me and told me, he cant be in a relationship right now, coz we both just got out of our respective relationships. and I should see other people, but he still wanted to keep in touch with me. Even told me that he will see, he just dont know when. The real problem with us is the distance. and when didn’t had the luxury of time to really get to know each other better. maybe, I just jumped into conclusion that there is “us”..I told him to stay away from me to let me move on. he said, he is disappointed, coz he also wanted us to keep in touch. now, Im not in anyway communicating with him. I’ll try to move on and see…
You will get more responses if you start your own question. Go to the forum…choose a title such as “Dating and Sex Advice” – when in there scroll to the bottom of the page and you will see where to start the process.
I’m going through something similar.
We’re both quite busy individuals. He works and studies and I also study, but only work during the holidays.
He told me how he feels about me, and then went on to tell me that he is afraid that he won’t bless me with the time for a relationship as he us trying to balance work and school. He then said that he’s also afraid he won’t be able to share my emotions with me, my joy or success as he is really trying to finish at school. Now my issue is that he’s acting like he’s the first person to ever balance work and school. We try see each other as often as possible but I don’t know if I should walk away or stay…?
I suggested friendship but he refused. He asked if I could just be patient ’til next year May.
I’m stuck. I really like this guy and I see so much potential in him …what should I do?
When a man slows a relationship down because he is afraid he will hurt you. Believe him. If you stay, basically you are saying, you told me you are going to hurt me and I am OK with that. Are you?
As we can tell from the many responses of similar situations, many women are in the same shoes. Problem is that we do not listen to their words. It is that we are trying to listen to their actions, which do actually speak louder than words but it is very confusing because they can so easily say I love you and you are the best thing that happened to me or I have never felt like this towards anyone before, we listen to this but we do not listen to when they say I do not want a relationship, I do not want to hurt you, I cannot give you what you want and then we we put the emphasis on the positive things as we think they definitely override the negatives said and that love will conquer it all and stay anyhow.
Eventually they start either fading or downright “cruelly” splitting up for what we think of as apparently no reason, really, the guy has told us in the beginning that he will not be committed. The moment this or something along the lines is said a girl should run as fast as possible.
Ok, I have had men tell me they do not want to hurt me and not sure they want to get married but they want a committed relationship and they actually meant it but I think at the very least a committed relationship should be expected. Committment is the key here. If there is none, run as it will eventually end badly and this back and forth drama will land us in crazyville not understanding what is going on and going through an emotional rollercoaster which is operated by his momentary wants and needs. We are no longer in control of what is happening, our lives are a complete chaos and our moods depends on what he wants this moment, which will anyhow change in half an hour, half a day, half a week, etc. These men mean serious trouble.
Question yourself, will you be able to trust this man even again? No, the trust is gone as this can and I guarantee you, will happen again. Trust is key to any relationship but then he wanted none. The moment you talk about what he wants which should be in the beginning and it is clear that he wants no commitment put your running shoes on. Otherwise, this is where it will lead.
No matter how hard it is, once it becomes clear that you two do not want the same thing, it is best to move on then rather than waiting forever when they will just choose someone else who they will be very ready to commit to. True, when a man says I do not want commitment, I do not want to get married, this just applies to you. They will most definitely do all that with a woman they fall for and feel is the one for them.
I been in a relationship over a year he tells me he loves me but not strong enough then he says he’s not ready for marriage but then I say what are his intentions he says to be with me in the future ….what does it means help he’s gonna be 57 wed…..
i met a guy three months ago through a mutual friend and she told that the guys is single but wen i spoke to de guy he told me he had a galfriend nd by that tym i had already fallen for him and now he doesnt want to talk about where we stand but he wants to come check me and make out with me i realy like this guy a lot i tried several times to let go of him but its been hard i dont know wht to do whenever he calls im available i tried rejecting his calls nd blocking him on social networks but still we get to meet nd talk