Ending my life…


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  • #464211
    lola

    Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

    No human being is worth ending your life, you have too much to offer the world.

    I hope you find a therapist and heal.

    I’m thinking of you.

    #464286
    Eric Charles
    Keymaster

    I’m pleased to see how supportive this community was to the poster here. Thank you, everyone, for being good people.

    @Ms. Sorrow — It’s totally normal to feel heartbroken, hopeless and depressed after a breakup happens.

    To be honest, I’m someone who’s gone through some really massive depressions in my own life… I can remember what it felt like to feel so heartbroken that I wished I was dead…

    I knew I didn’t want to commit suicide… I couldn’t do that to my family… but I remember going to bed wishing I wouldn’t wake up in the morning… and this would go on for months and months.

    I’m being a bit blunt and raw here… hope that doesn’t scare anyone… because I feel it’s important for me to be blunt and raw.

    The good news is that at this point in my life, I am happier than I’ve ever been… and I’ve been very happy for a very long time. People who meet me now would never believe I was someone who went through many long, deep, dark depressions…

    Depression happens for some people… wishing you were dead or even considering suicide happens for some people…

    I can tell you as one of those people… there is light on the other side… yes, I did work on myself and read a lot about how to free myself from depression (for me, reading each of Eckhart Tolle’s books about 20-30 each… literally, no joke… that was what eventually got me free…). I worked at it.

    Now I am free of depression and unhappiness, without therapy or medication… I don’t feel like I have to suppress my depression or manage it… I’m very cautious around my mood and I watch it closely, but happiness has been effortless for me for a very long time now…

    Now, if you’re feeling depression right now, then I would urge you to see a therapist. While I don’t see psychological drugs as any kind of permanent solution, I do think they can be extremely helpful as part of a therapy with a good therapist. You might have to search out a good therapist — don’t be afraid to keep looking until you find one you really like.

    I have to be careful whenever I write on A New Mode to point out that I do not give professional advice… nor do I give legal or medical advice. Anything you do, or don’t do, is solely your responsibility and if you’re going to classify my writing from a legal standpoint, then it would have to be framed as “for entertainment purposes only”.

    I just wanted to share my honest thoughts with you here and to anyone else who might be in a position like this.

    #464302
    SthrnBelle

    I still have to read all the responses Ms Sorrow but besides the two examples I also had a guy cheat on me after living together for almost 6 years and finding out he had an affair and then he drove me crazy going back and forth for months which escalated into a very bad situation. It is better for you that he is gone now! Cheating is one of the worst forms of betrayal. Even when I was with my ex husband who was really mental while it took me a year to close it which you know ended very badly, I still did not date the person I loved by that time because I felt that it would not have been honest. A person this cruel does not deserve you!

    About alcohol, the reason it is not a great idea besides maybe a glass is because it blurs your sense of reality. It was then when I also felt like I did not want to live anymore.

    It also happened another time that I was so upset that I drank and while it knocked me out I woke up after an hour to horrid anxiety. The withdrawal symptoms can be really awful.

    How are you doing now? I know this can be a vicious cycle and you can sink back into depression which is why I hope you can get therapy, it can be incredibly helpful.

    RCS is right, when you are in this state of mind, you cannot see reality, you think that being alone, being unloved, unworthy, etc. are true, none of this is actually true, it is your sadness, depression that deceive you because sometimes the brain shits under severe trauma and pain.

    Please keep us posted, ok? We look forward to hearing from you.

    #464314
    Jenny

    Mrs. Sorrow- I’m SO happy to hear how much better you’re doing!!! Yaaaay :) I knew & we all knew you could and WILL get through this. Take this as a stepping stone to strengthen your inner foundation. The truth is that love and life come with pain and there’s no way around it. All you can do for yourself is to continuously improve and grow so that you can accept and overcome whatever may be put in your path. God WANTS us to succeed, he wants us to persevere and your struggles are his lessons. Stay strong, I’m so proud of you! Please keep posting your progress, this thread exudes such an aura of empathy and positivity it fuels my soul. Thank you guys for that & Sorrow :) :) :) Be well!

    #464488
    Ms. Sorrow

    My dear Stefanie
    Oh yes, I think I should change my name here as Ms. Hopeful. Thank you.

    #464490
    Ms. Sorrow

    My dear Lovelylady
    I was very inspired and had hope more after knowing about your story. You are amazing. I know I will never forget this man, but doesn’t mean I want him back. Never again. I still don’t know if resigning or staying in my current job will help me more to move on. All I know and all I want is to make myself better every single day. Thank you for the inspiration. You have no idea how much you helped. I’m lucky that you get time to come and visit this forum and read my post. Thank God.

    #464491
    Ms. Sorrow

    My dear Leila
    Thank you for your support. I can feel how much strong you are as a woman. Like all other ladies here who came here to help me while I’m struggling from depression.

    #464492
    Ms. Sorrow

    Thank you for the support Lola

    #464493
    Ms. Sorrow

    Thank you Mr. Eric Charles!!!
    This forum of ANM truly helps. The ladies who came for me the night when I wanted to end my life. And now I’m starting to changed to a new me after what happened. Nobody left me here. All of the ladies who knew about my post was so eager to help. They stayed to hear about me. I was tearing again to realize my mistake and that how much I am valued as a person. Your advice is very helpful not only in my case but to all ladies and people who need it. Thank you so much. More powers and God bless.

    #464494
    Ms. Sorrow

    My dear Sthrnbelle
    Thanks again for dropping by. I’m happy to tell you about my improvement soon. You’re a sister from a distance.

    #464496
    Ms. Sorrow

    My dear Jenny
    Yes sweetie, I’ll try to get myself better as sooner as possible. Thank you for being here.

    #464498
    sarita

    give up your life for what?? some six inch stick? lolz. there are many fish in the sea and theres a new bus/ train/ man each minute. who cares about these dumb men anyway?

    #464502
    Amy S

    Hiya. I came across this late but i just want to add. This guy is not God, God only decides when someone lives and dies so do not give this power to some lameass guy. I been there myself when I thought my life was shit without a certain guy but that is nonsense. Life is wonderful, colourful, embrace it, sometimes the darkest days are before dawn and this is your dawn. Find several things every day to be grateful for and live in a state of appreciation and you will be sent more and more to appreciate on a daily basis. If you feel yourself slipping down the depressed and feeling hopeless route just say this as a mantra to yourself it really works. “you guys name are not the boss of me I can feel good and have a great life and i dont need you to make me happy i can do that for myself, I can feel good in the blink of an eye” Say it over and over until it kicks in to your subconscious and you know what u can feel better instantly. Its all about being in charge of your emotions and not letting them be in charge of you. Have a look on amazon at books on emotional intelligence, they really helped me no end. Good luck and let us know how you go with this. x

    #464504
    SthrnBelle

    Wow, this community has proven to be a wonderful, supportive community, where we share with each other and kudos to all the survivors, Lovelylady, Stephanie, Eric and now Ms. Sorrow whom we will call Ms Hopeful from now on.:)))

    Ms Sorrow please do not beat yourself up over loving the way you loved, that was a part of you and we slowly learn, sometimes very very painfully. I loved the wrong way too, or not the wrong way but by making someone a center of my universe and when that person leaves that universe, you feel that you have no universe, nothing to live for but this is never true! New things will surface little by little where you will feel hope and not only hope but a desire and passion to live.

    I told you all here that it happened to me at least three times. I know much of this was caused by looking for a father figure and because of childhood molestation and abuse but there is a way to not be the victim anymore.

    Eric I can relate, I have had days, weeks, months, even years where I felt that I did not want to get out of bed. I was working but it was really hard to function. Until I got help.

    Now I no longer need antidepressants, even when I was a crime victim I did not start again but I do take antianxiety medication. There is nothing wrong with help Sorrow. I am so happy that you are getting it and I promise that you will feel better. Just make sure to not make any rash decisions about your life now, ok? Try to take it one day at a time, come here anytime you need to. We are definitely here for you.

    Lovelylady sure I made the same mistake. I had left my job for my ex fiancee that left me in the hospital, it took me a long time to get a new job. In the meantime I married psycho ex husband who drained the rest of my savings. I lost my place too. Thanks to family in part.

    But I did gain experience, I learnt a lot and I survived. Also, I started a new career and company in my field and the little bit I had left from my place I put into value in my company. I may have lost some things in the company but I was very lucky to invest right and again fortune looked down upon me when I invested in something that was worth a lot more than what I paid.

    So while I am broke I also feel I have hope. I also have wonderful friends, some of them new friends and I have a BF that I met in my new field. There is always hope. Sometimes for days we cannot see this hope, it is natural that for days we only want to cry. It is part of the healing process, remember Sorrow that you have to feel the pain to work through it.

    Hope you are doing ok today, again feel free to tell us anything you like about your feelings, if you need to talk about the relationship, we are all ears too.

    #464509
    Stefanie

    Three cheers for our new Ms Hopeful!!

    #464531
    Maria

    Ms Sorrow, I am very happy to see that you are better. I wish you all the best in your future. Look after yourself and be careful. You will love again, and next time it will be with a guy who deserves it. LOVE to you.

    #464638
    SthrnBelle

    Oh, BTW I did want to add that I very much agree with Eric that drugs are not ideal on the long run and I am saying this coming from a family in the field who do believe in meds for extended periods. In my experience and I was once on antidepressants for about 3 years, they do not work long-term because they simply supress emotions good and bad and thereby make you sort of unable to feel. They can also make you too carefree sort of in an artifical way where you give up taking care of problems and do not really deal with the problems you need to be dealing with. Even when I get depressed for shorter periods of time and women can due to hormones too have a day or two of depressive mood, I want to solve it myself and work it out within myself. But when negative emotions run high of course meds are an absolute must for a while and the therapist can decide what combination is the best course of action.

    Antidepressants can also make symptoms worse at first and they usually do, much worse. They are to be combined with antianxiety meds in the short run. I do take antianxiety at times, not every single day. They can help when you are going through an especially rough period.

    The long-term solution lies in nothing but within yourself. You are the master of your destiny, your moods but there are just times when the brain shits enough that you do need short term therapy, which can be combination of meds and other therapeutical forms. I think you will do fine soon but obviously when suicidal thoughts are involved a short course of treatment is necessary. I too took antianxiety meds every day after trauma for a while.

    Eventually you will learn to manage the problem and the pain but sometimes the pain is just too strong to be dealt with right away, that is where meds do come in. Meds are like crutches, even docs will tell you, you still need to do the major work yourself.

    #464648
    Jessica

    Ms. Sorrow – now Ms. Hopeful (yay!) – I’m so relieved that you reached out and got help from friends, family and your doctor. I have no doubt that everything will get better from here on out. I wish for so much happiness for you!

    This thread is so inspiring and has proven what a great site this is – all the amazing people who cared and shared their love and support with Ms. Sorrow/Hopeful, including Eric who shared his beautiful story of recovery as well. We all get down and we all need help sometimes. We should never be ashamed to admit this. We are human and need love, family and community. I am so happy there is a site like this to be a vehicle for people around the world to talk and help each other.

    #464768
    Ms. Sorrow

    I will use my new name soon my dear Stefanie, thank you.

    #464771
    Ms. Sorrow

    Thank you, Maria. I will be fine soon. Thank you for being here too. I appreciate it very much dear.

    #464772
    Ms. Sorrow

    Dear Amy S.
    Thank you. I’m glad you are here too with other ladies who keep supporting me with all their hearts. From the moment I was in a nightmare of my life. I feel better now.

    #464773
    Ms. Sorrow

    My dear SthrnBelle
    Yes, I believe in everything you said. I started drinking alone with this guy every time we had a fight. I even get this much anxiety and insecurities which I know became a reason of him pulling away. When he get more distant, I started losing everything. He breaks up with me and yet I chased him. I was a happy, confident woman and dated a lot of men. I don’t really know how and why I suddenly changed. I lost my mind.then the depression starts. But now I am ready to find courage and get myself back to the real Me. But I don’t know.. I feel very angry with what he did to me. Very traumatic and I feel the fear of falling in love again.

    #464774
    Ms. Sorrow

    Thanks a lot to you my sister, Jessica. Love you.

    #464780
    Ms. Sorrow

    Virtual sister, that is. :)

    #464821
    Khadija

    Ms. Sorrow,
    I saw this thread a few days ago. To see the overwhelming responses and support really makes me happy. I’m so glad that you are on a brighter path.

    Well wishes to you and I hope one day you find someone special.

    Take are!

Viewing 25 posts - 101 through 125 (of 194 total)
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