This topic contains 473 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Better off single 2 months, 3 weeks ago.
January 21, 2019 at 7:04 pm #736899
Spot on Tamara.
You’re still clinging to the thinking that she didn’t tell him because you haven’t heard of any repercussions from him.
You’re never going to know because he’s never going to talk to you again to tell you one way or the other.
If he is so afraid of losing her if she found out he was ever cheating, she may very well have confronted him.
He may have talked his way out of it – claiming you’re just an obsessed ex who fabricated what was emailed with photoshop to break them up.
He may have even decided how important she is to him and vowed to himself never to cheat on her again for fear of losing her, and they’re now stronger than ever.
That’s another possible scenario. That little stunt may have actually brought them closer. You’ll never know.
But as you did it because you wanted closure and to never hear from him again, you’ve succeeded.
Time to move on and find someone else who will actually choose you, because this situation is a done deal.January 21, 2019 at 7:34 pm #736900
She hasn’t told him because he’s still talking to me normally. I haven’t responded to him so it’s a done deal but not how I expected.
She’s not ready to have the conversation with him and I doubt she ever will.January 21, 2019 at 9:38 pm #736908
I was sure you’d send her an email and tell her. And I am sure you’d do it yet again, this time including them both in the email, so that there is no way she can hide what she knows. Whether you’d admit it here or not, I don’t know.
Please let us all know what you’d say in your second email and how you forced her to tell him.January 22, 2019 at 3:48 am #736928
Aimee for gods sake just stop! This is making you ill and your thoughts so skewed with your utter obsession with it all. Your desperation is palpable to hurt him and tale this innocent woman’s world away too. Please think about what is happening to you. It’s very very ugly.January 22, 2019 at 4:18 am #736932
There is something distressing about all of this.
I hope your desperation doesn’t reach the point when you become a threat to someone.
I agree with Emma, another e-mail or other attempt to mess with her ex and his GF is just a matter of time. Poor people.January 22, 2019 at 4:40 am #736935
you remind me a hell of a lot of a bunny boiler. really, you had an affair, he didn’t leave her for you. so you went ahead and told her, now you’re annoyed because she hasn’t told him and broken up with him yet. what are you going to do next to try to break them up????January 22, 2019 at 7:22 am #736944
I like how I said I was done and explained why I thought she hadn’t told him and then you all spin the situation into your own truth. Lol I would suggest finding another form of entertainment.January 22, 2019 at 7:35 am #736945
well then why is her telling him so important to you?January 22, 2019 at 7:42 am #736946
It’s not. I’m more joining the conversation since you’re all so invested in my situation. Initially I did find it interesting that she would withhold that info but I’m sure she has her reasons.January 22, 2019 at 7:55 am #736947
you wanted her to tell him so they would break up over it and he’ll come running to you. when you didn’t get the reaction you expected, you started questioning her motives, blamed her for being desperate etc, refusing to accept she may have told him and it simply didn’t work out as planned. your behavior was rather clearJanuary 31, 2019 at 2:36 pm #738238
I came on here to re-read this thread in hopes of turning my mood around. I’ve been continuing to disengage from my feelings towards him but today’s been a little harder for some reason. I shed a few tears. It just makes me so sad knowing that he basically just viewed me as sex and I was so willing to just accept his breadcrumbs. It’s crazy especially considering I know what it’s like to be his gf and what he’s given me recently is so little in comparison. How do you end a relationship on basically a good note and then end up here? Such a cr*ppy feeling.January 31, 2019 at 3:02 pm #738239
Better off single
Ruminating on it doesn’t help. If I were you, I would not be sad about it. I would be super angry.
Just tell yourself over and over he will get his in the end instead of thinking on a bad judgement call you think you made.January 31, 2019 at 3:05 pm #738240
Better off single
Initially I did find it interesting that she would withhold that info but I’m sure she has her reasons…..
To throw it in his face when the moment calls for it. In her mind, she probably thinks she’s got him by the balls.January 31, 2019 at 5:00 pm #738243
Be proud you are staying away and not contacting him. That’s your control. Recognising how toxic it all was, that’s in your control, and is not taking this from him anymore, that’s in your control.
Be sad today, then let your healing from this horrid experience continue. Time, distance, shielding, these are your friends and tools. Let him get on with his lying lifeJanuary 31, 2019 at 5:36 pm #738249
I see your point, Aimee, and I’m sorry about what you had to read here. obviosuly, you’re no saint, but it’s not like you’re in it yourself.
I reasure you it was not just sex he was after. I don’t know what his deal is, but obviously he is not emotionally stable. but he obviously craves some (emotional) connection that you have to offer. even if you (as a couple) are doomed, he misses it.
about her and not telling him… I have no words. but I have never been in a position like this. I think if it was me, I would be gone by now. but who knows.
sounds like you’re a victim of a player/or other people’s drama.
best you can do – just for yourself – is to back of and try to get your life back on track.January 31, 2019 at 10:02 pm #738265
When we do ugly things, we get to experience ugly things. I am not advocating a dogmatic morality here, but some basic honesty. Honesty I do advocate.
You were both dishonest liers. You acted like one in full knowledge, do not put it all on him. But then you tried to destroy their relationship by telling his woman about your affair. Your plan – a conscious and maliciou one – did not work, and now you are crying, feeling “used and helpless”.
I do feel sorry for you, because I understand you have very strong feelings for him. But as human beings we also have sense of right and wrong. Truth honesty – dishonesty and lies. You made an ugly choice, how do you expect anything good to come from it?
What you should have done is to tell him about your feelings but also REFUSE to go on vacation with him behind his GF back. This way he would have respected you, and if their relationship ever broke, he might have come to you (unlikely, but there would be a chance)
however, this men is a habitual cheater and liar. Even if you got him, even if he did become YOUR BF, he would be cheating on YOU in a matter of months. I hope you can see that, yes?
Then, it is better to be in YOUR situation now, then in this “imaginative happy” situation you are fantasizing about where he is YOUR BF. He would be cheating on any woman, he is a cheater, it is good that he is not with you. Good for YOU!
You will fall for someone else if you shake this liar off and stop harbouring revengeful thoughts and trying to do harm to his GF.
You do ugly things, it is foolish to expect good to come from those ugly things. Rise above this. Be a little more noble, in your thoughts and especially in your actions, and being this way might attract a NICE AND HONEST man to you. You attract what you project. LOLJanuary 31, 2019 at 10:42 pm #738272
Emma – shut the f*** up. You lied about your open marriage on this site for years before you got outed. You are literally the last person on this site who should be playing moral police. Your advice sucks. You’re here for yourself and your ego, not to help.
Aimee knows she did the wrong thing, she’s here trying to get help. If you can’t help, go f*** one of your boyfriends or hey, maybe even your husband just for a change.February 1, 2019 at 8:22 am #738287
Nobody is perfect and she is entitled to her opinion too. Sorry we can’t be a part of the perfect elite club who’s sh*t doesn’t stink or ever f*ck up in life. You may think you’re giving great advice all your giving is an opinion.February 1, 2019 at 8:26 am #738288
Aimee, time heals all. Keep focusing on you.
There’s a lot of hate and vitriol on this thread. Having been a marriage that was rocked by infidelity, the words of my therapist still ring true. People that are unfaithful also aren’t happy in their relationships. It’s easy to focus on the act, harder to acknowledge the why/ reason why the person is cheating. That’s truly the problem.
The world would be happier place is we also tried to understand each other better and judged less. Glass houses…February 1, 2019 at 10:31 am #738298
Just a few weeks ago, Emma advised a married woman who is having an affair behind her husband’s back to keep doing it, because you shouldn’t get greedy and expect to have it all, and she should grab her little bit of happiness where she can. And now here’s crazy Emma who has too much time on her hands between boyfriends – who got caught posting under another name on this site, asking for advice on how to deal with a boyfriend, said she was using another name because she didn’t want everyone to find out she’s in an open marriage, oops – kicking someone for lying and saying that honesty is everything. OMFG. talk about the pot calling the kettle black.February 1, 2019 at 12:55 pm #738310
Thank you for the supportive messages and advice. I truly appreciate your words (esp Sarah.)
Yes on ego and glass houses lolFebruary 1, 2019 at 1:46 pm #738315
You can do it!
Well, while you’re pointing your fingers someone else is pointing at you. Full circle kind of stuff.
Two wrongs… Do they make a right or teach a lesson?
If you get past the self absorbed opinions or advice she probably doesn’t actually follow and read between the lines, Emma does say a few things that make a lot of sense.
“You do ugly things, it is foolish to expect good to come from those ugly things.”
You know your ex-boyfriend has a girlfriend yet you choose to sleep with him anyway. What good is going to come from that? You said it was the best sex ever and that’s why you’re attached to it. What if it was horrible? Would you still not be over him? Or relieved that it didn’t work out?
SOMEONE (if not everyone) in this situation is definitely going to get burned. That someone was the OP and the girlfriend. She knew it was wrong and in her mind tried to make it right. Which made it worse. So the conflicted feelings she has inside are what she brought upon herself. Get with the girlfriend to double up on the boyfriend in a bad confrontational way… What do you think the end result will be? Do you think He will say, he was wrong or “forget both you b*tches, I’m gonna go find two more!” or did the girlfriend do the right thing keeping it to herself to avoid more drama?
Why would you want to be with someone who cheated on his girlfriend to be with you? You really think you’re that special he wouldn’t do it to you too?February 1, 2019 at 1:58 pm #738316
I get what you’re saying but some of this advice is just beating a dead horse. I stated in my very first entry that I knew this was wrong… I was looking for advice on how to get over him.
As far as pointing fingers, one thing that was very clear to me yesterday was so harsh some of your words and viewpoints were. I mean, come on. We all f*ck up sometimes. No need to take the moral high ground. And seriously, it’s a good thing that I’m emotionally in a decent place. What if I or someone else posting here was suicidal? You think you’re just typing words here but you never know the impact of those words on someone who is clearly fragile. Recognize the weight of your words and stop leading with judgement. What’s the old adage- if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all. Or just try being helpful.February 1, 2019 at 2:39 pm #738319
Aimee, just ignore the people who try to make themselves feel morally superior by dumping on you. You have the two biggest nut jobs on the site criticizing you here, which is hilarious.
Better Off Single or whatever you call yourself today – you’re an alcoholic who posts crazy bullcrap here day and night. How about solving your own issues before you pick at someone else. Isn’t your stalker watching you and reading everything you write here? Shouldn’t you be making sure your cats are safe?
As Aimee says, she stated right up front she knows she did the wrong thing! If you’re going to judge someone instead of trying to help, STFU and go do something else as has already been stated.February 1, 2019 at 2:43 pm #738320