Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Can’t get over him!!!
This topic contains 296 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Louise 3 years, 10 months ago.
Mister free willy lol I should probably go get tested again regardless of what he tells me.
Ok, let me ask this question again- forget about my motivations, what’s the right thing to do in this situation and for her? I don’t have any personal experience…never been cheated on (that I know of.)
The right thing to do is to not speak to this man again, and to take care of your emotional needs.
Here’s what happens when a side-woman contacts a girlfriend/wife/whatever to “tell them the truth”:
It gets ugly. BOTH ways.
It will come across as you being conniving, twisty, and bitter, and she will respond defensively, probably going so far as to say their relationship is ‘perfect’, you’re just ‘crazy and jealous’, and by the way, ‘he never loved you like he loves HER’.
So in the end, you might as well just hit yourself in the head with a frying pan and get the same effect.
Trust me, been there done that. Had one of my ex’s girlfriends call me up (when we were still married) and tell me I should thank her for re-starting his sex drive because I just obviously wasn’t enough woman for him. That wasn’t a conversation you want to be a part of.
Just let it alone.
‘Had one of my ex’s girlfriends call me up (when we were still married) and tell me I should thank her for re-starting his sex drive because I just obviously wasn’t enough woman for him.‘
Wow – what a b*tch…says the side piece lol
I should probably be honest. I’ve already emailed her (a few months ago)and said it was from a mutual un-named friend and didn’t get into the details. Just said he had been cheating on her with an ex for awhile. She never wrote back, just posted these diatribes about how she loved him on social media (he barely has her up on his page which should be a clue for her.) Maybe she just thinks I was trying to make trouble and nothing happened? I could have sent texts and explicit photos etc but thought that would be overly cruel. Who knows what she’s thinking… He still trusts me tho. She never told him she got the email..
He is no prize. Find someone deserving of your love and respect.
So, your plan to break them up didn’t work. Now what? Are you gonna keep embarrassing yourself by pining over this guy? Or will you finally smarten up and move on?
Omag… are you for real? You are carrying on in a bitter way. Firstly you as a woman deserve better that to be with this crap man. Secondly you have so very lost your way due to emotional feelings of jealousy and rejection because he didn’t leave her for you that you are acting in a horrible, spiteful and desperate way.
This is toxic to you. Do better for yourself and leave it be.
So you already tried this and nothing came out of it.
Please give it up already, this is getting to borderline harassment.
Don’t end up the obsessed ex from the past that won’t give it up (which you already going towards that direction)
He is no the only man on the planet and has chosen to be with someone else.
Yes, I’m going to stop talking to him (and not email his gf again.) You’re all right – he’s a crap man and I’ve lost respect for both of us in this situation. This is what happens when an ex hits you up when you’re at a particularly vulnerable spot and your self-esteem is shot… His is too apparently.
He just told me he hasn’t been sleeping with anyone else recently besides me and his gf so no need to get tested. I couldn’t asked about our planned trip to go home and go skiing but I didn’t. I just left it at ‘I wouldn’t be so trusting. What people choose to tell you depends on their motivations.’ And he said ‘So I shouldn’t trust you? Lol’ Didn’t respond and won’t. Wanted a little final mindf*ck for the guy that left me feeling used. And yes, I’m bitter. But moving on.
I’ll say my final peace and then move on from this thread.
You had an opportunity to actual end things with him but you left the door open.
He will reach out and given your vulnerability I question if you will have the will to not agree to the trip.
This is your health so please stop stalling and get tested.
I truly hope that the only update I see from you is that you called everything off and told him to leave you alone.
No more excuses and start working to becoming a confident,happy, and better version of yourself.
so, you started chatting to an ex. you decided you want him back. you contacted his girlfriend to break them up, it didn’t work. then you went on a weekend away with him, and cheated with him on her. it still didn’t break them up. now you want to tell the girlfriend again….
you say that she posted so much stuff about how much she loves him but yet she’s hardly on his fb wall. is this to convince yourself he doesn’t love her? trust me, if he didn’t want o be with her, he wouldn’t be. he chose her!
then you carry on about how you’ll never contact him again, but then state message after message after message you sent him…..
you’re going quite single white female here
step away. you’re not meant to be. he’s a lying cheating loser. you don’t want him in any case. and this is not why is he with her and not with me? it’s you don’t want him anyway
My ex’s side piece reached out to me. It got ugly but the truth spurred my desire to get out. I would not recommend messengering her a video of the two of you having sex during work hours.
But if you really think this woman is clueless, let her know, because better she hear from you about Free Willy vs getting an STD down the line.
Anon – yes, that’s the part that still gives me (slight) pause. I don’t think she truly knows who she is with. Even though I already gave her a slight heads up. The thing with my ex is even though I know now he’s a total cheater, besides that he’s a very sweet and caring guy. I would never have suspected he had this side to him unless I’d experienced it first hand like I have these past few months.
I’ll admit I told her initially because I wanted to be with him. But I truly hold no malice or ill will towards her. From what I’ve heard, she’s very nice and does not deserve this level of deceit. I told him that I doubt she’d ever imagine he’d be capable of something like this and he agreed.
And the thing is, this is not a one time thing. He told me that he’s always cheated and had cheated on her before. He had never shared that with anyone before and everytime it had been a one time thing. I’m his first ongoing affair…due to our feelings for each other I guess.
So I agree with most of the posters here – me giving her evidence is not the right path. But given that she’s such a nice person who probably has no idea what she’s dealing with (since I doubt he’s ever been caught), do I share just for her own sake? And I mean that with no malice in my heart for her.
This is NOT a sweet and caring guy. This is a two-faced liar and cheat.
Step out and let them play out their relationship and get on with your own life. It’s none of your business. I hope you learned something here you never forget.
OMG! You are STILL looking for reasons to tell her!???
You are absolutely deluded. You need help, professional help, not forum advice.
And by the way, this is no ‘borderline’ as someone mentioned before. You are a STALKER and it’s quite disturbing how obsessed you are over him and her.
Thank you again everyone for your input…especially your last words, Khadija. I’m going to continue sticking to my plan of not speaking to either again. What finally just totally tipped the scale for me in terms of potentially reaching back out to the gf was whether I would say anything to her if I were her friend, coworker etc. The answer was no, not my business. While I wasn’t consciously having any bad thoughts, I guess ultimately my intentions wouldn’t have been 100% pure. I’m going to focus on building up my confidence again and leave this behind as a learning lesson. And if and when I hear from him again, I have all of your comments to help bring me strength in not engaging anymore.
Aimee, after reading your thread, I will give you my opinion on why others were being nicer to Sandra than you (as you asked that question in another thread after your latest post on this thread):
It appears thus far that Sandra’s actions appear to reflect a prick in conscience and concern for all parties involved. Your past actions reflect more of a desire to just serve yourself.
However, I am proud of you for owning up to your true intentions and trying your best to put the matter behind you. :)
Also, I would not term you as a “cheater,” unlike you name-called yourself to be. Although your actions were not honorable, the upside is that it is all in the past.
Keep your head high! We are all here for you! :)
I read all the responses, and while I do not agree with cheating I think most were being pretty judgemental and harsh. This was Amiees’s boyfriend at one time and they have a history. Like she said they started to communicate when she was in a vulnerable state and possibly was also very lonely.
I am giving her a break, she is not the first woman to cheat with an ex with a girlfriend I would not say this if this man was married, however a girlfriend is not a wife so cut her some slack.
The only people who really understands and know what is going on, or what went on are Amiee and her cheater ex boyfriend. No need to shame or put her down, many would do the same if they were in the same situation. Again, I do not condone cheating but who knows what head-space they were both in? When you love someone we do strange things and sometimes make wrong decisions.
She made a bad decision, but it takes two people to cheat, so he wanted to be with her if only for that weekend the same as she did, I do not hear much being said about that.
Girlfriends are not wives, and living with someone does not necessarily mean much, it could be for the benefit of finances and someone to take care of you, so until you are committed and married I do not put much stock into every girlfriend/Boyfriend situation.
I know a few of these relationships that exists just for the benefits and conveniences the relationship provide.
Thank you all for the thoughtful words, support and empathy.
I have an update and no one is going to be surprised or impressed.
I continued to lack willpower the past few days and could see him stringing me along indefinitely…on trips, etc. And even though I was unable to maintain NC, I also started to-finally!-become less interested in him and continuing the situation.
He was being a d*ck yesterday and I just reached the end of my rope…I emailed his gf a handful of incriminating texts and pics with a general timeline and how he’s been a dog. In my anger, I felt this was the only way things would be completely over between us (I’m under no illusion that he’ll come running to me if she ends it.) She also now knows she’s with a serial cheater who lies to her face and potentially exposes her to diseases. And hopefully he will have learned to never dip again although you know the expression about leopards.
For me, I’m angry at him and I’m angry at myself for getting involved in the first place. There is no upside to being a side chick. It only results in hurt and betrayal all around.
Sorry I couldn’t adhere to your advice, ladies.
I hope you find what you are looking for…
oops. first you sleep with a man knowing that he has a gf. the reason you know? because he told you himself! despite knowing that you go ahead and have a sexual affair with him. when the man doesn’t show any inclination of going further, you call him selfish and stuff. and then accuse him of possible stds and question him about it after having sex! lol! all along you keep bitching about him on this thread and try to gather support for poor you and how he is such an arse! while at the same time you keep an open dialogue with the same arse. when he finally ticked you off about something you didn’t like, you went ahead and bitched about him to his gf. this wasn’t done with concern in head for the poor gf, but just to assuage your vengeful nature because he wasn’t toeing your line. my god! you have managed dear lady to cross all the boxes that you shouldn’t have.. I think the poor guy just had a lucky escape! from you.. whew…
I’m not looking for sympathy today. I know what I am. Just thought some of you might be interested in the final outcome since this forum is mostly entertainment for the majority of readers I would assume.
Meanwhile somewhere out there was a man, who would have been thrilled to be with you and spend time with you, instead this is how you chose to spend your life’s time. We really are the architects of our own fate.