Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Can’t get over him!!!
This topic contains 296 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Louise 3 years, 10 months ago.
I’m curious Aimee. I’d like to see what the gf says, too. There’s something fascinating about watching a car crash in slow motion.
Nothing so far. She’s financially dependent on him so maybe she’ll stay quiet and keep riding that money train.
I agree with Alia.
I’m not surprised you sent the messages anyway. You are obsessed with this man and have no self control. All you needed was a reason and you went for it.
I think you are sitting around waiting to see if she leaves him. You only know what he tells you so you have no idea what their financial situation really is.
If she breaks it off I’m willing to bet you will be full of glee and open to seeing him.
Honestly, this is just sad. You could have moved on by now.
Just so you know what you’ve set yourself up for here:
Remember the side-piece who told me I ought to be grateful to her for rebooting my husband’s sex drive? Well, a few weeks later he comes to me begging me to take him back. He’s made a mistake, he’s so sorry, can he please come home, boo hoo hoo.
Idiot me goes and picks him up, listens to him sobbing the whole way home, and takes him back.
Fast-forward six months, and I come home after work one day to an emptied-out house and his wedding ring on the counter. He’s moved in with YET ANOTHER woman he met on the side, AFTER breaking it off with the one who “told on him”.
My guess is, he resented the side-chick who blew his cover, and since the whole drive behind cheating is getting away with it, once she ran her mouth and got him in trouble she was no longer attractive to him. He couldn’t continue to play the “poor me, I’m so lonely” card with her and win her affection. So he moved on to another woman he could dupe.
You, my dear girl, are now The B*tch in his eyes. You’ve told his naughtiest secret to the ONE person he was trying hardest to keep it from. He will never, EVER be able to look at you without resentment, anger, and bitterness.
You have essentially ensured that you two are quits for good.
You have also ensured that if his girlfriend doesn’t kick him out, he will be in a hurry to scoop up another lonely, depressed girl to flirt with, seduce, and take on as a side-piece since you’re now “tainted” with the truth.
Pick up what’s left of your dignity and move on, please. You’re doing NO ONE any good by stirring the pot and continuing the drama.
I agree with you Amy. I doubt very much he’ll ever want to speak to me again which is partially why I did it. I’m lacking the self control to end it and he never will. This is the nail in the coffin we both knew needed to happen. And I feel badly that the gf may be hurting right now but honestly, she needed to know. She’s early 30s, thinking this guy is the one and had no idea he was a serial cheater. She doesn’t have a lot of time to waste if she wants kids and won’t put up with his behavior.
Op – you should assume that 50% of what he told you about her is false, maybe up to 100%…
And I am willing to bet the gf knows this all along
When I read this forum I often wonder, if it really is possible that so many women have no friends or other people that wish them well and could give them a good advice alligned with what we call a common sense.
And that part is my favourite:
“And I feel badly that the gf may be hurting right now but honestly, she needed to know. She’s early 30s, thinking this guy is the one and had no idea he was a serial cheater. She doesn’t have a lot of time to waste if she wants kids and won’t put up with his behavior”
Do you really try to kid anyone or is it just a form of autotherapy and a desperate attempt to justify your own, not so humble deeds?
BTW wher is L? I miss her (his?) insights on this one.
Please. I would never tell any of my friends about this. I try to keep my crazy contained. :/
She may not have told him again. This chick is gangster. Regardless, I need to focus on myself and move on. Maybe I’ll be stronger this time around.
If you call her a gangster, how would you call yourself?
Woman of poor judgment and morals? Side piece? Girl that still loves her ex?
I’m not usually this bad. First time knowingly cheating with a taken guy – not that it makes it any better.
And wouldn’t you like to change that? There were some harsh words written on here, but you have been given a really good advice. Just move on, stop plotting and cunning and invest that energy on something else. I understand you are hurt, but your actions are quite despicable and in the end you are only hurting yourself.
Trying to justify telling this girl about his cheering doesn’t make any sense to anyone, even to you. Otherwise you wouldn’t be still here trying to convince a bunch of strangers that you did what you did, because you tried to save her.
Oh I definitely didn’t do it to save her, just saying that I think she should know. And as the anger subsides, my thoughts on this are changing a bit. I agree with all of you – time to be strong and move on. Here’s to willpower.
And why do you think she should now? And if she should,why do you think it is your job to inform her? What if she already knows and doesn’t give a f.?
I hope that you will see it eventually and let the things be. For your own sake.
For the reasons previously stated IF she didn’t know. I don’t know this girl – what she knows, doesn’t know, how she feels etc. And none of that is my biz. I sent the email bc I was mad at him and wanted to be done with the situation once and for all. BUT in general, I think the other woman should know and do what she will with the info. I would want to know.
Well, congruence is definitely not one of your virtues :)
everyone here criticizes Aimee, but I’m not sure… I was a side chick once and thought about it, telling his wife, too. BUT NEVER DID anything. decided to be wise and mature, cut him off, regretted what I did and never looked back. pretended in front of her and many other people that nothing ever happened (in order to not ruing his reputation, although of course, I was protecting mine too) and, to be honest, years later I sometimes regret not doing anything. I kept my anger to myself and then I had I had to deal with it for months. I sometimes wish I was less noble and do something… something maybe petty, bitter… but at least the truth would come out and the prick would maybe suffer a bit or maybe even learn his lesson.
and also, regardless of Aimee’s motivations, if I was the girlfriend, I would like to know. and I would like to see the proof (such as the messages, pics, videos, whatever), because this really doesn’t leave any room for denial.
so maybe Aimee is bitter, angry and obsessed… but there are pros to this too. and I doubt that, as someone says, Aimee would jump into his arms if they break up. too much anger, no trust – there would be no relationship between you two.
Not really, as you see from my actions. :)
I appreciate you trying to help. I agree and know what I need to do, it’s just a matter of doing it.
But d*mn, how can she not say anything? It’s so wrong of me to say in this position, but don’t be a doormat!
EVERYTHING you said, Sarah. Even the part about me being bitter, angry and obsessed. Lol You have walked this road, I can tell. You get it.
Well, if I were her, I wouldn’t respond to your email exactly because I am no doormat. Responding to such email would be way below my level of dignity.
You tried, you acted out of spite, it didn’t work. Now you are annoyed, because the people involved didn’t react the way you expected.
It is time to let go, really. I am sure, you have better things to do :)
But why would you be angry at anyone but yourself? Noone else is responsible for your bad choices. And to be clear, I walked this road too. My ex slept with me when he was already with other girl. I didn’t know that he was with someone. It never crossed my mind to reproach anyone but him and myself.
Thank you for the self-righteous response, Danita. Glad to see you’re perfect.
I was talking about saying something to HIM. She owes me nothing.
Different situation. We have our own grievances separate from the set-up just like any other relationship if you will.
Give it some time, she probably will. Maybe she is just waiting for the right moment to either attack him, catch him in a lie or just leave. if she doesn’t, then agreed, something is wrong her.
Hah, there is no need to be so defensive. What I tried to help you realize is that the only one way it can turn good for you, is to let it go.
I am not sure what do you expect in this situation, what outcome would be satisfying for you? She realizes that he is a crap and leaves him? He runs back to you and you can live happily ever after? I’m short in imagination, so if you would like to enlighten me, please do so