Guy Confession: Why I No Longer Think All Girls Are Crazy post image

Guy Confession: Why I No Longer Think All Girls Are Crazy

I was having a conversation with a woman last week and had embarked on one of my typical, now practiced monologues about why all guys are di*$& and all girls are crazy. She didn’t object to my ripping apart the male species, but she did jump on my words about the crazy factor inside all women.

She said, “What makes you think all women are crazy?”

I’ve been asked this question before in similar discussions, so I knew the drill. Normally I would bring up 10 or maybe 35 examples of crazy stuff that girls from my past had said or done, then end with the simultaneously cynical but hopeful conclusion that a man’s mission is just to find the LEAST crazy girl and marry her.


So I started the crazy-example list: sharing too much information on the first date, texting incessantly, getting emotional about blatantly non-emotional things, getting jealous of my time spent with family or friends or anyone that wasn’t her, the deep and deductive interpretation of emails and texts that any law school professor would be proud of, the waiting for the call to come, the games, tons of selfies making kissy faces, mood swings comparable to the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Six Flags, interesting sex preconditions that revolve around a level of trust only a blind person has for his Seeing Eye dog, a need for constant validation of my feelings for her, and most common of all, an underlying feeling of, Wow, this girl is crazy.

This woman, a wife of 25 years and mother of four beautiful children, listened intently as I laid out the “facts.”

Then she asked me something that made me rethink everything:

“What do you think made them crazy?”

Guys don’t think about this part. The emotionally intelligent among us go bonkers when we see the behavior, but how many of us have ever dug a little deeper and asked why? What is the source?

This lady sage explained: “When a girl and a boy come together, even at a young age, the girl’s investment in and commitment to that relationship is much different than the boy’s—it is often all encompassing. What I mean is that even though any emotionally healthy boyfriend, even starting in high school, will feel a need to invest his time and energy in the relationship and even give over a large part, if not all, of his heart to the girl, she does something even more profound … she invests everything. That relationship becomes the thing in her life. Her body is in, her thoughts are in, her past, her present, and her future are in—her everything has been activated and has very willingly been assigned to the task of committing to this bond. And then … the bond breaks. Maybe they go to different colleges and decide to part ways, or he cheats on her, or they break up over a fight, and the bond breaks. The man is hurt. He goes into recovery mode, speaking to his friends about it, feeling her absence, missing the chemistry and rare connection that he doesn’t share with anyone else. But what happens to the girl? She is broken. She invested her body, her mind, and her soul. The man took all of it happily during the relationship, and now that he’s gone, in a sense he’s still holding onto it. A girl feels this loss in such a way that she knows a part of herself is missing. She knows she made herself vulnerable to a boy for the first time, and even though she may have left with good memories she experienced a loss of something central to herself, something she now lacks. That lack is what becomes what you call crazy.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, eager to become the ninja to the sensei.

“Every time a woman’s heart breaks, she puts up a kind of wall around it. Some girl’s walls will not be as reinforced and thick as others, but nearly all will have them. The wall, guarding what remains from the lack that the man caused in them, looks to the outside world like crazy. This is when you get the jealousy and the texts and the need for constant reciprocation; those actions serve one purpose: to ensure that what that first boy did to her never happens again.”

MORE: How to Heal a Broken Heart

Whoa. I honestly thought, before this conversation, that girls were just born default cuckoo for cocoa puffs, and some just showed it way more than others. I thought about what she said as we sat in silence except for the sounds of summertime playing and laughing from her kids.

Then I had a counter-attack question. “What if the girl had never been hurt before? What explains that girl’s amount, big or small, of crazy?”

“The girl inherently knows she must protect herself. Even without the earthquake of a breakup, the girl was born with antennae that are stimulated when the potential for damage is coming, and the only thing to do at that point is to play defense. But really, most girls, whether it’s when they made themselves vulnerable to a boy on the playground or by getting engaged and then suffering a split at 26, have experienced hurt. And that hurt took a piece of them.”

I left her house thanking her for such great insight and thought about it for the rest of the night. She wasn’t really saying to me, Girls aren’t crazy. She was saying, Yeah, you may see signs of defense mechanisms, but you must be sympathetic to it.

I no longer believe the job of a man is to find the least-crazy girl. It is to find a girl who shares his values and goals, where there is a physical attraction, and where both parties are happily aware of the strengths and weaknesses of the other. I no longer look at this lack in a girl and say, You need to not be crazy now, please! I look at it and say, I need to understand that if she has this lack, from whatever experience she may have had, I am here to simply understand, relate, and hopefully one day fill it, making her whole heart again.

Cue the awws!

And please share your thoughts in comments!

– Noah Williams

27 comments… add one

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Thank you for this! I really need this right now. I have been engaged for 5 yrs and been dumped at 28, honestly my world crashed down. I have been cheated on, mentally and emotionally abused by men that by now I have the biggest trust issue anyone can have. I have recently broken up with a guy I thought was great, at first I wouldn’t let my guard down but once I did, he immediately changed. He started ignoring me and being cold. I did go crazy though, sending him all sort of messages, calling him, even stalking him on the online dating site where we met. I broke it off with him, he then called me and said that I have been the craziest girl he’s ever met. He said that I should change because I would never find a man to be with. He refused to admit that I would have gotten crazy unless provoked. I am not defending what I did but I only wanted to fight for what I thought was a great relationship. I’m the type of person who would fight for someone I love and if that makes me crazy and I won’t find a guy who could appreciate that then its their loss and not mine.

Reply February 20, 2017, 10:53 pm


Sorry, personally I am yet to meet a woman who isn’t crazy. I swear, women are as childish as men only when you get to date them and earn their trust. There is a side to all women that only men who date them know about. I don’t hate women. Absolutely not. In fact, I love them a lot. The only problem is when you see a side them (all of them) that you never even knew existed. It’s not even nice when you do. You try to find a level headed woman, you do, you court her, she’s great, you start dating and the whole thing flips over. This is now someone completely different. I don’t know. This happened even in primary/elementary school where girls hadn’t had their hearts broken. Hectic stuff right there.

Reply January 24, 2017, 9:04 am


I think that woman nailed it. Women do give 100% Unfortunately in doing so many lie. Both to their partner and to themselves. They become who you want them to be. I’ve observed this with a friend of my mine over and over. The women dress different and do things they didn’t do before. At the time I’m sure they believe this is the new them. The statement, “women marry men expecting to change them” & “and men marry women expecting them to stay the same is very much alive. The observation that gets missed is that the women already changed to be what you wanted to be. They gradually devolve back to their real self and then try to get you out of your lifestyle, and into theirs. I don’t think this is really done intentionally but is often the way it is, likely part of the giving 100% of themselves to you. Men are often too invested sexually to notice the clues. Men need to pay attention, did they like the things, and do the things, they do with you before dating you. Look at their pictures, their music collection, the types friends they have. If they were fat before, they’re likely to get fat eventually with you (men too). You need evidence, if there is none, walk away. Look for someone compatible with you. Yes I know, men can do this as well, but not nearly to the same degree. A man’s motivation is usually to get sex.

Reply December 21, 2016, 11:08 am


I haven’t met a Normal One yet.

Reply November 25, 2016, 6:33 am


I enjoyed this article. Even through reading it, I never read in to it that it’s the mans fault.
Women are naturally very sensitive, and men help balance that for us. It’s a team effort in order to keep the relationship alive and well.

Everyone has their differences, and as you mature you have to accept the changes you’re going through. Once you fight these changes, that’s when the problems will start from within and eventually hurt the relationship.

Thank you for the share.

Reply November 24, 2016, 11:50 am


Wow I have never read such a self serving condescending piece of crap! Ladies, if you are emotionally “enlightened” as you claim to be, surely you have read enough articles to know it has been PROVEN men NEVER recover fully from a breakup. Women, by virtue of societal structure, often flourish. The suicide rate among middle aged divorced men is among the highest in the industrialized world, so please to regain a shred of credibility, stop feeding us this stupid tripe about how it’s all men’s fault. This is pandering and patronizing and nauseating

Reply October 14, 2016, 12:39 am

Black horse

LOL what a load of sh*t
Crazy women seeking validation for their narcissistic ways, was this written by a narcissist I wonder?

Reply September 26, 2016, 10:01 am


If crazy is “irrational”, then women are simply more frequently and more intensely crazy than men. We can’t expect men to understand irrationality. Sorry.

Reply May 18, 2016, 7:13 am


That was an incredibly sweet conclusion. Kudos

Reply April 10, 2016, 9:46 am


Yeah, Joe, we can pick a phony out (snap your fingers real quick)like that! But, I think a lot of guys frgoet what natural is when they’re talking to a girl. It’s like having a thousand people watch you walk across the stage and you realize you’ve forgotten how to walk.

Reply December 14, 2015, 10:14 am


This was obviously written by a girl. Plain and simply men and women think differently and have different values. Men are from Mars Women are from Venus.

Reply November 17, 2015, 11:38 pm


Noah I’m glad a wiser woman was able to explain to you where ur crazy comes from. You will have a more distinct advantage in future.
Now if I have you my boyfriends email address could you forward this article to him. Obviously if I send it it will look needy and crazy… :)
But I believe it would really help him to see the light especially with my past hurts. And he might just let his walls down too. Been kinda rough lately. He thinks I’m crazy and insecure – I think he’s looking for greener pastures that aren’t so crazy – news flash for him it is cause the crap is higher.
Thanks for your article it touched my heart.

Reply November 15, 2015, 12:12 am


Very insightful I get frustrated with this idea that men have about women in general and it’s usually because of past experience. But we are all not the same. I try to take each man in my life as he comes rather than make judgements about who they are.

Reply August 26, 2015, 5:19 am

Michael DB

I’ve spent many many years of my life lonely and confused, over broken love – so don’t tell me men don’t suffer deeply.
This female ‘Mentor’, obviously has a woman’s view and taking any ‘One’ persons view to be ‘The truth’, is not a good idea. We are all (Male and female) human beings, neither is more special than the other, even though experiencing the male, or female condition.

Reply August 21, 2015, 5:58 pm


This has got to be the BEST insight/perspective I’ve ever read about women. Very few men out there do “understand” or try to understand and not to just easily label it “crazy”. Thank you for this article.

Reply August 17, 2015, 1:40 pm


Thank you very much!

Reply August 17, 2015, 7:07 pm


I saw another article similar. The make author said that what he realized that the actions that guys call crazy are also assertiveness. Pretty much a woman saying “this is my expectations for a relationship. You are not meeting them and I’m trying to communicate that.” So the constant texting could be need of communication, jealousy is you’re doing something that makes me uncomfortable or suspicious etc.

Reply August 14, 2015, 12:04 am


You definetly have a point. Thanks for reading!

Reply August 17, 2015, 7:09 pm


While I like the whole “women aren’t inherently crazy” message, both the author and mystery “lady sage” agree that women care more passionately (at times more obsessively) than their male counterparts. And that is complete bullshit. It’s like saying “yes, women are crazy but it’s because of hormones and the constant familial pressure to get married.” I think the message should be that men AND women have the potential to be batshit crazy. Just like both men AND women are able to be understanding and loving and caring. Maybe I’m just not understanding what the author was trying to say here, but what I understood is that women get more worked up over relationships than guys. And do you really, as a guy, want to declare that you are innately incapable of getting emotionally worked-up over a girl? Because I call bullshit. The article was a fun and very well written read, but the underlying “confession” just didn’t come through.

Reply August 12, 2015, 5:58 pm


Yes yes yes! I read almost a confirmation of all women are crazy,, but they have a good reason. Nope. Not having it. No part of your past justifies making every other person pay for it that follows. Grow up, learn and move on. This is why I have so many guy friends. I can’t stand the crazy!

Reply August 12, 2015, 6:32 pm

Noah Williams

First of all, thanks for reading the piece. I wanted to highlight what i see as your most passionate point. “And do you really, as a guy, want to declare that you are innately incapable of getting emotionally worked-up over a girl? Because I call bullshit.”

This is actually something i made sure i addressed with the following line: “The man is hurt. He goes into recovery mode, speaking to his friends about it, feeling her absence, missing the chemistry and rare connection that he doesn’t share with anyone else. ”

The man is VERY emotionally worked up. We suffer greatly after a break up and OF COURSE take a long time to recover. What this, now mentor of mine, was saying was that often women define themselves by their relationships and that can take its toll in a deeper, different way than with a man.

Reply August 12, 2015, 8:58 pm


Noah, the whole “women define themselves by their relationships” is what I’m arguing against. Yes, some women define their ENTIRE lives based on who they happen to be dating at the time. (And really, those tend to be the most insecure and shallow) But to turn that into a generalized statement and say that every women is defined by her partner is kind of reminiscent to views from the sixties.. It’s time we moved on.

Reply August 24, 2015, 1:19 am


As a woman, I’m completely confused by what you’re saying, Gaby.

No where in the article did he state “all” women are this way. There are exceptions to everything. He’s only sharing his own experiences, and explaining an insight he had in regards to relationships.

And from everything I’ve read, I’d say it applies to most women in my experience as well. Most of my girlfriends do make their close relationships and the people they love priorities in their life…yet you say that is “shallow” and “insecure”. Which I think, comes off rather judgmental and shallow yourself.

While the person you date, may not be the top priority or become a part of you…it can be for many women. And I feel like you are being quite judgmental of those women, simply for having different goals than yourself. I myself, struggle with this. Because I love really hard…and maintaining balance is difficult when you feel like you’ve invested your life in someone else.(Which is what a relationship is, btw)

I guess I just don’t understand what point your making, as you seem to just be nit-picking something because you’ve had no similar experience to the woman he talked with.

But I can assure you…this IS true for some women. Also, nowhere in this article do I feel like it was meant to be sexist….which…I think? Is what you’re trying to imply.

Reply August 30, 2015, 2:32 pm


I agree with you 100%. I’ve had guys act ‘crazy’ in this way towards me – and I’ve been the crazy one with others. What it really comes down to is who holds the most power in the relationship. The one who has the most power is the one who cares the least. And the people viewing this very website are more likely to be women who are in situations where they are not the one in power. I’m quite certain there are many women out there who are able to lead men around by the little finger, and those men are crazy with jealousy wondering why their calls and texts go unanswered, wondering why she won’t commit, etc.

Reply August 13, 2015, 11:33 am


If you want proof of what I’ve said up there, just watch Seinfeld. George dates a woman at one point who has ‘the hand’ – i.e, the upper hand. He says of her, “What can I do, Jerry? She has all the hand! I have no hand! I need some hand! How do I get some hand?”

Reply August 13, 2015, 11:34 am


This article was great! Thanks for sharing Noah!

Reply August 12, 2015, 7:48 am

Noah Williams

Kellie I’m really glad you enjoyed it! Send it to some guys that need to hear it!

Reply August 12, 2015, 11:37 am

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