commitment-phobes” or, “The guys I like always dump me” you sow the seeds for a self-fulfilling prophecy. For example, when you carry the idea that all men are afraid of commitment, you will instinctively put walls up and won’t trust the guys you date. As a result, you will never be able to get to that level of openness and trust necessary to create the kind of connection that leads to love.letting go of resentments from the past–be it ex boyfriends, your parents, your friends–make an effort to let go of any lingering resentment you feel because the truth is, holding onto this negativity is hurting you more than anyone else. When you hold onto faulty beliefs such as, “All men are
5. Love is All You Need
When we think of what it takes to have a lasting, happy relationship, people of course say love is the most essential ingredient, next usually comes good communication, shared goals, and the like. But no one ever talks about the importance of lust.
Love and lust are often painted as opposites, with the former being pure, transcendent, and full of light while the latter is depraved and full of darkness. They say love is giving, lust is taking; love is selfless, lust is selfish. While in its pure, isolated state lust can be a negative thing, so can love (at least, in romantic relationships). When your relationship is pure love, you have a level of comfort and familiarity. Married people and couples who live together know what this is like. You love your partner very much, and can be completely comfortable around them…but sometimes things become a little too comfortable and the passion you once felt is nowhere to be found. This isn’t the result of lack of love, it’s lack of lust.
When you are in an established relationship, you shouldn’t just sit back, sink into complacence, and assume he’ll just love you unconditionally. This is true to an extent, but if you want to keep the flames burning, you have to work on maintaining that level of lust. One of the most common reasons for breakups is the old, “I love you, I’m just not in love with you.” Usually what this means is “I no longer feel that lustful passion for you…I love you…but in the same way I love my family and close friends.”
In a romantic relationship, love will give you stability, partnership, acceptance, but lust will give you passion, fire, and sexual satisfaction.
While love is about accessibility and constant companionship, lust is a bit more forbidden, it’s about wanting rather than having. There are many ways to keep the lust alive in your relationship, you’ll probably discover them all by just thinking about how things were in the beginning of your relationship, back when you were overcome by a magnetic force of physical attraction. Try to maintain some mystery when you can, and getting back in touch with your more sexual side. Instead of going to bed in a ratty tee-shirt and shorts, invest in some sexy sleepwear. When you know he’s coming home from work, change out of your sweats and wear something alluring. There are countless ways to bring the spark back into a relationship, so just play around and see what does the trick for you!
Got another misconception about love to add? Tell us in comments!