Why Is My Guy Friend Ignoring Me And What Should I Do?


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  • #422514 Reply
    May

    My best male friend and I were always social together. We used to meet each other like 4,5 times in week for coffes, or go out on fridays and saturdays(I have a boyfrined, but we are not that good and we will break up soon). Anyways, on thursdays we are used to watch movies, eat pop corns, we were really really close. Wherever he travels, he brings me presents (last one, month ago). We had fight few times, but like all friends have. He used to take my hand in public infront of other people and dance with me all night. He behaved like nobody exists when we are out together and our friends saw all of that. Anyways we were (are) just friends and nothing ever happened between us, like sex or someth. We kissed in mouth couple of times, but more in a joke for good night withouth tounge :). He called me on the phone every day when I was out of town, like what I was doing, and that he was bored withouth me (that was during the Chrimas hollidays). I really like him just as a friend.

    Later, like 3 month ago when we were out he told me that he has been in love with me like since he saw me(we know each other for 1 year know). I asked him to repeat it and he repeated the same thing like 3 times during that night (he wasnt drunk). He even said that is not a joke (I asked him if it was a joke more times). I didnt say noth. about it, just like-o really, and like ok, we will go out as we did before, like we will take pizza and and we changed the subject. 3 days after that, we met for coffe and he was bit like nervous and flirting, so I asked him if he was serious few days ago when he said that he is in love with me. He pretended that he didnt remember what he said., so when he notcied thats is really stupid that he like doesnt remeber, he said like that was a just a joke (that he is in love). So, I said like ok, it was a joke. I didnt want to force conversaion about it any more. I put in my head, like thta was a joke and behaved according to that.

    After all of that, our realtion was quite the same as before, holding hands, dancing, but less sms from his side. Also, I suggested bit more to meet up for coffes than he suggested to me. I even thought that he started to be lees interested generally, but when we meet , he was the same, not distant at all; holding hands, bringing presents, asking me to move to same town he wanna move). So, less sms, sometimes no answer on message, but when we meet, he is all around me and all the same. All our friends believed/believes that he likes me more then friends, because they notice the way he is with me and with them. They even say that he looks at me like he is in love and like I am his centar.

    The culmination was for Valentines day, when he brought some small present for me and he was all around me, holding my hands, so he told me that most important thing is to be close to me, like he doesnt care for nobody else. He even invited some his other friend to come on that party, but behaved like nobody exists there. He was all aorund me, touching my leg, hands…Many times he asked if my boyfirend is jeleous and I said no, because we are just good friends. It s true he knowes that we are flirting, but thats it.

    The problem is that we havent met each other for one month now, even if I asked him out so many times. He said like that he was busy, so like we will meet some other day.Also, I know that he changed job as well, so I know he is in lot of stress lately and he moved to another flat as well, but I think it s not really ok not to meet for a coffe at least for all one month. He even didnt call to ask how I feel or someth.

    20 days ago I sent him sms and asked him if he is avoiding me and if he is angry at me that he can tell me and that I miss him. He answered, like my dear…I am not angry at you at all, I am just busy, and when all this stress pass, I will contact you, so we take coffe. That was 20 days ago and he still hasnt contacted me and probably will not. I just dont know what has happened to him, and why he cant meet anymore?? I gave him the chance to say if it s something, but he is so nice on message and even sends kisses and smile. I also congradulated his birthday and he said thanks and sent me kisses, but no invitation for coffe. I see on facebook that he puts likes on pics of other people, but on mine pics or statuses, he doesnt put any likes. I wrote him tonight if he went out from his “cacoon”, but he hasnt applied yet. What has happened to him??? If he found some new company and became bored of me, why he brought me present just month ago?? He used to always bring someth. to me wehen he goes somewhere. Is it possible that in few days he lost his friend feelings to me??? I dont understand why he sent sms back if he really wants to avoid me? Do not understand noth. at all. We didnt have any fight or noth. like that. He will move from town in couple of months maybe, so I cant even imagine that we will never have a chance to see each other anymore.

    #422594 Reply
    Estrella

    If you have a boyfriend and you’re just friends then this is kinda normal. Friends get busy and we just roll with our lives.
    If you really have feelings for him then let him know, it sounds like he has really put himself out there and you still have a boyfriend and have not reciprocated.
    My guess would be he has withdrawn to see what your reaction would be and/or because it sucks hanging out with someone you’re in love with who has a boyfriend and doesn’t love you back.
    If you like him, tell him. If not – Stop teasing him and pretending to be friends and letting him buy you gifts.

    #422603 Reply
    redcurleysue

    He is probably seeing women and having romantic relationships – that would be expected.

    Just text him once a week and tell him you are thinking about him and hope he will get in touch soon. Be friendly and happy.

    He will contact you when he comes up for air. Be a good friend and be understanding.

    #422610 Reply
    May

    To be honest, I wrote what he said (that he was/is in love), but I am still not sure in that because he denied it later, so I thought like ok, maybe he was just confused in the moment, horny or whatever. It is true that he holds my hands but also, maybe it s just friendly. He did say later that we are just friends and played hot and cold, so it was bit confusing.
    It s seems like that he is not for talking now. I sent him a message 20 days ago asking what happened, like why no word from him anymore and he answered like that he was (is) just busy and that he would write me back so we take coffe soon as he can. The message was really nice and warm, so I even believed like ok, it s just some period when he is busy and grumpy maybe, but that was 20 days ago and he is still not texting back. We havent met for an month now.
    I sent him message tonight if he is still in his cacoon, but no answer. I want to talk to him in private, but it seems like he doesnt. So, I am pritty much confused now- if he is just a friend, what is the problem to meet me?????

    #422653 Reply
    patsytshirt

    I think he was tired of being friendzoned and decided to get some distance from you so he can heal. Maybe he is also seeing other women and is giving gifts and going out with them like he used to do with you. So he doesnt have time for you anymore, he might be focusing on a girl romantically interested with him. If you only want him as a friend accept the situation and wait for him to be back when he is ready.

    #422659 Reply
    May

    I also havent mentioned that he is bisexual, was with men and girls in relationes. Actually, he said he was attracted to one girl before, so that made me guess he is more into guys and made me even more confused. He is not a player and he never was. He is really generous and nice guy, but if he was just into girls, I wouldnt be that suspicious. I really want him as my friend, but I do feel really bad, because I dont know the reason of his distance. Last coffe was rally normal. He wanted to be close to me, and he even made a space betwen him and our friend just he can be close to me. That means, no sign of him being distant. After that just excuse after excuse, like he is busy, or even not answering message. The last message was that he is not avoidinig me and he will contact me for coffe as soon as he can( he was moving to anothe flat and changed job), so it was like, ok it s an excuse. But that was 20 days ago, and one month that we didnt meet. So, it s confusing.

    #422661 Reply
    patsytshirt

    He kept his distance, he is not as available as before, we can be nice, give an excuse and still be distant, there is no need to ignore the person. Maybe he is truly busy though. If he is just a friend does it matter his sexual life or if he is a player? Are you hurt because he doesnt give you attention & gifts anymore or do you have romantic feelings for him? Its not confusing, he said he is busy, could be the truth. You need to figure out why you’re so concerned that he is not in touch, friends get busy and we usually dont get so obsessed about it, we miss them but dont feel like they are ignoring us.

    #422915 Reply
    May

    I dont have any romantic feelings for him, but ofcourse I am hurt as a friend because we spent lots of time together and now not even sms. How much time really takes to send sms to dear friend?? I mentioned presents just as example of him being around me, but of course I dont care about presents as a such. Of course it strange just to disappear from Earth not even ask about important stuff happened in my life, not telling me about important stuff happened in his life, as new job ( I actually found out from neighbour that he got a job). I even went with him to that interview for a job. Thats sad. Iam just trying to figure it out what really went wrong, and if I did someth wrong. Last coffe, like 28 days ago was regular, with lots of jokes. He even made space for me to sit by me, and moved my friend to other chair. She said that he looked at me like he is in love and took my hand. We planned to go out all together, but the day after, he said that he didnt know if he would go, and later the same. I usually inivite him, he like cant go, then he is out with other people. No excuse!! I am trying to figure out why he behaves like this, but I really dont know. People who are hurt, bored or angry at some friend, dont put hands on that friends hand, like he did last time to me. If it s not his anger, irritation, boredom, which other reason could be ???

    #423026 Reply
    Bose

    Dear May,
    People come into our lives for a reason. If you are not romantically involved with your friend then you have to let him be. It might be he wants his space, or he wants to move on either way, give him space to do whatever he pleases. You should totally do your own thing. I would suggest to stop texting or calling him. You have done your part as a good friend by texting him and asking him out – which unfortunately he ignores. You can’t do anymore. You should not chase cos the more you text the more he runs out of your reach. Let him be. You live your awesome cool life with or without him. When he is ready, he will come back and if he doesn’t, well say Bye Bye!

    #423470 Reply
    May

    Yes Bose, I agree, i should do that. Unfortunately Its bit hard to move on, becuase I didnt get closure, he just vanished suddenly. I feel stupid and empty,like what has happenwd. When I met him last time, everything was normal. He hugged me, wanted to sit close to me. I am overthinking now, because we didnt have fight or noth. like that. It s completely suden, like he just decided to not talk to me withouth any reason. Few days ago (saturday), he invited me to some his event, but he did it on facebook, sent invitation to me like to other people from his friend list (he didnt sent it to all friends), so I was irritated that he didnt contact in private. Two days after I asked him out and he didnt wrote back.

    #433615 Reply
    Arkane

    May, Your Bestfriend loved you in a romantic way and told you, and you said nothing. You basically broke his heart. It’s very painful to he best friends with someone you love and see them with someone else. A person can only take so much. He’s not talking to you because he doesn’t see you as a friend and you don’t feel the same way. He’s distancing himself from you because he knows that you and him are not going to be together. Believe me when I say he’s done with you and won’t be coming back. He has accepted reality and has decided to move on. If you don’t feel the way he does for you then just let it be. In life there’s no such thing as friendship between a male and female. Maybe for a moment but it will always progress into something more. Eventually you will both fall for each other Or one of you will, but if you don’t end up together then you guys will drift and will be nothing at all except a memory. That’s Reality

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