Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Why can’t he see anyone’s point of view
- This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 4 years, 1 month ago by
Paige.
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Amy
Been with a guy for 5 months however it seems like he always gets defensive, always twists things & cannot ever see anyone else’s perspectives. He’s had a fall out with his friend once because he told his friend to meet him and go drinking, so his friend got a train to meet him and while his friend was on the train to him, he got a train to go home and mailed him saying he was going home. His friend fell out with him. He didn’t understand why. Said he was overreacting.
His mum once asked him to pick up food (during this covid) and he returned days later without the items. He said his mum was in a mood with him and he can’t do anything right.
With me we had a fall out because he’s starting to put in zero effort it feels. He’s working from home and all day yesterday I didn’t hear from him, which I told him I don’t like and I need better communication. I said to him if he can’t handle this, he should leave, because this is one of my boundaries that I won’t settle for less on. I’ve had guys in the past disappear etc so it’s in line for a reason. Good communication is key to a successful relationship. Instead of him just agreeing he was like “why are you overreacting and making drama, I was busy” so I was like “you was active on Facebook” to which he said “yeah speaking to my friends” so let’s get this correct, he completely ignored me, all my mails, whilst online talking to his friends but he couldn’t mail me because he was busy!? Yet telling him how I feel? Makes me somehow in the wrong? Am I meant to live life being unaffected by his hot and cold behaviours and never telling him when it upsets me?
Tallspicy
This guy is not your match. Please end it with him as he won’t give you what you want. You know this already.
kaye
Honey, one of the first things I do when dating a guy is look at how he treats his mother! It’s one of the things that made me fall in love with my husband. If a man makes his mother wait days for food during this Covid-19 virus and then doesn’t even bring her the items when he shows up, does he sound like he would make a good partner? And if he stands up his friends and only thinks of himself does he sound like he would make a good partner? Why do you think he’s going to treat you any differently? Dump him already and move on to a guy who cares about you and empathizes with others!
redcurleysue
I agree – how he treats mama will be how he will treat you.
K
Because he’s extremely immature and self-centered. You now have plenty of evidence of that. And he doesn’t treat his mother right – which as everyone points out is a red flag. The time has come to ask yourself why you’re still seeing him. Because he isn’t going to change any time soon.
Ames
You are unhappy with him already. Drop him! 5 months is too early:)
Paige
Look, sweetie, this might sound condescending, but I don’t mean it that way. Please keep in mind that I’ve been sick for 11 days with some kind of flu or bronchitis and my brain isn’t working well enough to rework my words, so bear with me:
Unless this guy has a “Saul on the road to Damascus” moment, he is never going to change. He will never see his faults, his part in a problem, how his actions affect others – and God knows he will never put anyone but himself first.
Do you really want to spend your life with a boy who will never be a man (other than chronologically), walking on eggshells around him and apologizing for everything (whether it’s your fault or not) just to keep the peace?
As I used to tell my child, “Boys are like buses. If you miss one, another one will come along in ten minutes – and that one might be clean and not have a bunch of mechanical problems.”
You have invested a few months in this thing that can’t be called a relationship.
This is the time to cut bait.
Catch a new bus – and this time, do a more thorough inspection than kicking the tires.
Happy shopping!
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