This topic contains 42 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Jaishree 1 month, 1 week ago.
February 9, 2016 at 2:38 pm #504808
I’m kind of confused…sometimes when I go with my boyfriend to places, he would notice a girl and mention to me that she is beautiful. However, I rarely hear him say that to me and I would try not to care because at least he is sharing with me what he thought…Thing is it kinda stings a bit and I know I shouldn’t put too much thought into it cause its not like he is hitting on them or anything. And I have talked to him about it, letting him know that I noticed he would call other woman beautiful but me. He told me that it was because he sees me for my personality and with these other women its just looks…But still I guess wanting him to call me beautiful…would that “me” being needy? Should I back off from the subject and not let it bother me too much?…was i wrong to tell him any of this? Just don’t want to be needy or something..
Thanks everyone!February 9, 2016 at 2:51 pm #504809
If it was once in awhile in certain situations I would not mind…but if it is all the time and he never compliments me I would feel a bit disturbed.
Complimenting a celebrity or a friend or family memeber is fine. I think what I would say is not right is the fact that IMO if your with someone you want that person to make you feel like the most beautiful woman in the room and if he is complimenting others than how is that making you feel beautiful?
It has nothing to do with needy..I think its more of respect. I am the first to acknowledge a beautiful person man/woman…but if I am with a man I am not going to say wow that guy is very good looking or he has a great body.
Its great to acknowlegde the beauty in others but be respectful of who you are with and how/when you say it.February 9, 2016 at 2:57 pm #504811
My grandfather told me this and I’ve never forgotten it:
“A real man makes you feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. He tells you and shows you. He doesn’t make you jealous of other women, but makes other women jealous of you”.
So I don’t think you are wrong for feeling this way, but I do think that at the very least your BF is very insensitive.
If you’ve let him know it bothers you and he isn’t willing to make you feel like the most beautiful woman in his life, maybe it’s time to think about the relationship and staying.February 9, 2016 at 3:16 pm #504815
Phillygirl your GF was a wise man…love it!February 9, 2016 at 3:16 pm #504816
Your BF sounds like a clod…February 9, 2016 at 3:44 pm #504829
Thanks L. My grandparents were married 67 years and still in love until the day my Grandmother died.
They were my benchmark for a successful relationship. Always holding hands, never disrespectful to one another, best friends, and still crazy in love. My grandfather would stand up and sing love songs to my Grandma in the middle of a crowded restaurant, and I’ve even seen mean tear up when he did it.
Anyone who saw them together was blown away. So that’s what I want. I will never settle for less.
And I asked them both for relationship advice all the time. They were both very wise but not in a stuffy way. They were very modern and amazing individuals.
It’s a shame they didn’t write a book. Between all their witticisms and sound advice, it would probably still be a best seller. I was very blessed.February 9, 2016 at 4:00 pm #504834
I agree with Phillygirl. It’s fine for him to notice and compliment other women but to not give you the same consideration is unacceptable. But do note that some men are shy and will make you feel beautiful rather than explicitly telling you that you’re beautiful. It matters more how the guy makes you feel than the words coming out of his mouth.February 9, 2016 at 4:05 pm #504840
Why would a ‘shy’ guy compliment a stranger & not his girl?February 11, 2016 at 3:04 pm #505560
Seems he’s telling his girlfriend that other women are beautiful , I think to make you insecure xxFebruary 11, 2016 at 3:47 pm #505570
Phillygirl, where is your grandfather? Can I give him my number? lol
Heck, don’t put up with this, not only it is plain tactless, it is a power game. He wants you to feel down, as if always wanting to gain his approval and “earn” his praise.
I see two ways of dealing with this. One, a little low class, but can be effective. Start drooling over guys. Say OMG look at this package, he can come and sleep in my bed anytime. Wow, this guy is so sexy, not handsome, but something about him..Keep on doing it and emphasize features that your guy does not have.
The other solution is more classy. Tell him to stop once and for all, that you find it demeaning and not appropriate, especially because he never compliments your beauty. If he finds another woman beautiful, then he can keep it to himself in your presence. It should not be hard, should it? And if does not oblige, then you need to pull away.
This is tactless and it will bring your self esteem down eventually. Do not allow it. Stand up for yourself.February 11, 2016 at 3:51 pm #505573
Brilliant Maria !July 14, 2017 at 8:16 pm #641307
I would dump him if you are not married. I made mistake of marrying the same type and years later verbal put downs have gotten worse. He compares me to porn stars now…its demeaning. Just to get even I started doing the same but its a waste of your lifeJuly 14, 2017 at 8:40 pm #641309
Digging up ancient threads 😐March 24, 2018 at 7:51 pm #694390
I have the same same issue. My husband can talk about how beautiful another woman is for like 5+ minutes, but his compliments to me are very sparing. I’m not sure why he continues to do it. I’ve called him out on it and explained why it bothers me. He will stop doing it for like a week and then go back to the same thing instantly.
In my experience, this is how his parents are towards each other, so maybe he mirrors it. Regardless, my family didn’t act this way. And even if they did, I don’t want to have to compare myself with every other woman we encounter. I’m not sure what advice I have to offer, but if its happening now, there is a good chance that it won’t stop once you get married. Guess it depends on how much you’re willing to give up in a relationship :(March 24, 2018 at 8:05 pm #694392
I find this to be incredibly rude– I could see *occassionally* acknowledging that sure, that movie star is beautiful, or telling the truth if you *ask* him if he finds a woman pretty, but just to go around randomly talking about how hot other women are, is just… either trying to make you jealous or just plain tactless and insensitive. I would have no problems telling my BF to just keep that to himself if he were doing it.April 6, 2018 at 9:16 am #696133
just tell him to date them then, easy he needs to know that not everything is about him and how he feels but it’s about you together.
I knew someone with the same problem, the moment when she started to tell him to stop being a jerk or to just go date them he changed completely. some people live in their own world or need to feel someone’s insecurities to get rid of their own.
But then again it’s better to find someone that really likes you the way you are and doesn’t feel the need to put you down.
Remember you are beautiful and no matter what anyone tells you,
you become beautiful because you feel it.
be confident that’s really sexy a good guy will come up to you or you’ll go up to them and that’s it.
Nah I don’t know for sure but he does seem annoying. Just tell him directly what you feel.
Good luckApril 28, 2018 at 6:19 pm #699390
My husband does same. He complimented a woman to me. Said I like her, she is really bold. Now, put this side by side with him telling me I am fearful that same day. later, he told her husband jokingly, ‘better watch this one, she is really attractive’. Hasn’t called me attractive in a while. I haven’t let myself go. I still get complimented a lot outside but it hurts. I will say it never goes away. You deserve better.April 28, 2018 at 7:13 pm #699392
Some men aren’t bright at all…huh? Doing this to your wife is only going to make her resent you. Female psyche is so sensitive that ONCE is already too many. It’s like telling a man guy his penis is smallish..if a woman says it once and she can kiss goodbye to his desire for her. Sex continue but it will never be the same for him.
Those men are dummies. There are floaters, players, ghosts, and there are dummies. LOLApril 29, 2018 at 2:15 am #699401
My boyfriend does similar…calls other women stunning or very attractive but I’m just pretty..April 29, 2018 at 3:11 am #699402
What is wrong with you girls?
Why on earth would you accept some guy trying to control you and make you feel small with this kind of behaviour? I’d be out the door if any man did this. It’s a shovinistic attempt to put you down and control you.
Anyone who did that would not me again. Are you so desperate that you can’t see the difference between a man and a pig? I have no time for pigs even of he was the last man on earth!April 29, 2018 at 5:01 am #699404
It takes a big lack of understanding on his part to do this. A man who lacks this kind of empathy would not be in my life.
But, if you do want to deal with this (which I would not) then I would calmly tell him that he leaves you out of his best compliments and how that makes you feel.
Personally I would not want to be around someone who is that dense…but it is up to you.April 29, 2018 at 11:49 am #699427
I am so tided and bored about all this modern pseudo-philosophy and pseudo-psychology with schematic classifications that shallow, rigid and never fit anyone well.
Most of this alpha prophecy is designed to make normal men feel insecure and turn them into aa–holes.
No normal man who wants top be happy is going to “let them come and let them go as they please or displease you”. This is such BS I want to laugh at.
Even horrillas in a pack, the leaders, protect their females and look after everyone’s safety. Yes they have access to all females, but all females secretly behind his back mate with all other males.
I know men who don’t have independent thinking or have misogynistic tendency would gladly jump on this “please me” wagon…to justify their low mean tentendecny. The result will be no happiness with a woman ever. but int he meantime they would hurt a lot of women. That’s why it is very important to cast such males away as soon as you sense any of those tendencies.
Understand men these days read a lot, and a lot of those books are total sociopathic crap. LOLMay 11, 2018 at 11:08 am #701768
You have two choices:
Either you can stick around and return the favor by pointing out other men that you find attractive, or you can keep what is left of your dignity and leave.July 19, 2018 at 7:06 am #713687
This post makes me feel sad. My husband does things similar and it’s heartbreaking. It’s also insidious sometimes. I don’t think you even realize it ‘til later if it’s subtle. Wears you down. I find myself looking at and talking with other men now or just responding to them now when they tell me I’m beautiful. I realized recently my husband never ever says things like that to me, only passerby, and it started sinking in how sad it made me. Often. Now I just think about moving on to the next chapter. Sad that it comes to that. I don’t want particularly to be alone but it beats being married and lonely I think now. Sadly.August 2, 2018 at 1:13 pm #715790
Am a bit confused whether my man loves me or not.We have been together for 2 years now and we are cohabiting for more than a year though without a child. When we had started dating, he used to compliment other women but not me.When I complained about his behaviour, he stopped it.However, he seems not to be proud of me as we went for a small traditional ceremony at my home (kukyala) and introduced him to my parents though that idea was initiated by me but he never posted any of our pictures we took though he always posts for other his friends who do the same function. Worse still, he is never free with his phone and changes his passwords on a daily basis and deletes the whatsapp messages..I feel something is not right though I love him…what can I do?
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