What To Say? What To Do? So Confused..

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  • #934515 Reply

    I’m sorry to say this doesn’t mean he genuinely misses you. What it means is: 1) He’s bored. Texting and sending photos is lazy communication. 2) He senses you’re backing off and he doesn’t want to let you off the hook so he’ll do the minimum to stay engaged.

    The less you care the more he will do, ironically. But it’s not real, it’s a game to keep you on hold. I wouldn’t do much other than give a thumbs up emoji or send a word or two in response. He’s not CALLING or Facetiming. That tells you everything.

    You know he’s not that into you.

    Spend this time enjoying yourself, meeting other people, etc. At the end of 8 weeks you probably won’t even care about this guy.

    #934522 Reply

    I think you shld just respond normally to him. Like u wld wid any frnd. The thing is he didnt discuss anythng abt the relationship prior to leaving is quite telling.

    #934523 Reply

    again, don’t let it fool you. I was seeing someone for 10 months ! yeah i know … who kept saying , let’s take it slow etc, acted like my bf , when he was away he was texting all the time. Remember this is the guy who is scared of commitment of whatever he wants to call it. As harsh as it is going to sound, when he meets the right one he won’t be scared.
    You are his ego boost until he finds someone else , we’ve all been there unfortunately

    #934525 Reply
    Liz Lemon

    I agree with the other posters. It sounds like he’s texting as a friend. Right? He’s not texting to say he misses you or loves you. I wouldn’t engage with him a lot unless he starts calling and saying things of substance.

    It sounds like he wants to keep you on the hook by commanding your attention. I totally agree with Tammy that it’s very telling that he did nothing to lock you down before he left. My guess he’s hoping that he can text you the entire time he’s gone & that will be enough to keep you on the hook, waiting for him.

    #934541 Reply

    Ginger, heed the ladies warnings.

    Never agree to being “exclusive” with a man without the benefit of a title, period. If he’s not able to give you, at a minimum, the title of GF which a man does by telling the world he is taking the initial steps of creating a potential partnership with you, then you say “no thanks” I will continue to date and meet other men because you are still SINGLE, and need to act in accordance with the title you possess.

    There are a lot of red flags here that you should never ignore, and must tread very carefully with men like this or you will get hurt. I wouldn’t give up on him just yet but at the same time you need to start carefully LISTENING and OBSERVING him to see what he SAYS; whereas if he’s not naturally deepening the connection/bond while he’s away, then I would definitely walk away.

    Your job as a woman is to determine if he’s the RIGHT guy for YOU in the long term, not Mr. Right Now unless that’s what you are looking for, and the trap you’ve appear to have fallen into. The right guy wants to know everything about you, and remembers everything you’ve said and do because he will this information to bring you closer and deepen your bond. You may not make it to a partnership but when a man is truly smitten with a woman, he would never include caveats (negative statements) such as “I don’t trust women” or “I need to take it slow” or “I’ve been burned” because a man who does is screaming to her “don’t get too close or you will get hurt”

    Looking at whether a guy texts, facetimes or even calls you has nothing to do with how he feels about you. Its about the SUBSTANCE of the communication, such as “I miss you”, “I’m thinking of you” “I can’t wait to be with you” to see if he’s bringing you in closer, especially when their away. If its just meaningless communication/banter, it doesn’t matter what form it takes, so you need to stop thinking if he does this (texts) or that (facetimes), then it shows he cares whereas he may only care about keeping you on a string.

    Stop focusing on surface stuff but whether he’s deepening the connection which doesn’t include negative caveats as those MUST be BELIEVED unless he CLEARLY begins to change them towards positives ones, such as “I miss you” “I want to be with you” “I love you” (its progressive) and wants to solidify the relationship without any conditions. If not, walk.

    #934548 Reply

    How did you let him leave without getting clarity on where you stand. This is a you problem, not a him problem. Text him or call him immediately the following:

    Bob, I have been thinking while you are away that I don’t know where we stand and what we are. I should have said this before you left, but I am only interested in growing long term relationships. Is that what we are, because i feel unclear. I know having this convo by text is not great, and for that I am sorry. What are your thoughts?

    Anything other than, of course you are my girlfriend just say:

    Thank you for your honesty, we are not at the same place and I think we should stop interacting. Have the best trip and wish you the best

    #934550 Reply

    Tallspicy – sorry but IMO that’s terrible advice. It’s already clear he’s not ready to declare the OP as GF, because he hasn’t done it. The text you suggest just looks like a pathetic power play and it’s more energy and attention than he deserves. Better to for the OP to initiate nothing while he’s gone, give minimal or no response to his texts and just get on with her life and let him fade away, which he will.

    #934554 Reply

    Well, you are right in that he clearly is not into her and telling her that by actions. I stand by she should have gotten clarity before he left. Only because she is not emotionally letting him fade out. Mine would have pushed the issue so it would be over. I don’t think asking for a declaration would change a darn thing and it would let her tell him what she wants, which she should have done from the beginning, the outcome is the same, from my pov.

    #934616 Reply

    Agree with Angie. But what tall spicy is suggsting is to simply pull down the curtains as this show seems over.

    There have been few times in the past where though i wantd to do what angie has suggstd, i have gone on to do what tall spicy said.

    The fact that the future of your relatnship wasnt even discussed prior to his leaving is a big red flag. And if you can accept in ur head that this seems unlikely to progress and move ahead in your mind, thats probably for the best.

    But if you feel you want formal closure in order for you to move on in your mind, then you can share your thoughts with the guy. But be ready to accept that this may hv no future.

    All the best.

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