"voluptuous" – is he politely calling me fat?


Home Forums Dating and Sex Advice "voluptuous" – is he politely calling me fat?

This topic contains 143 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Linda 4 years, 7 months ago.

Viewing 25 posts - 101 through 125 (of 142 total)
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  • #594517 Reply

    Jenna

    Oh for gods sake. The woman came on here complaining her BF allied her ‘voluptuous’!
    And then proceeded to argue with everyone and call them names.

    Linda, get you head out of your butt. This isn’t even a real question. Who would ask such a thing and then carry on for pages about it. She had an argument over a term of endearment?!?!

    Jesus.. maybe we should all go into therapy or jump a bridge when our significant ant others call’s us something sweet.

    Idiocy at its best here.

    #594519 Reply

    Ruby

    This is very much a real post. I’ve explained why I’m possibly a little over sensitive to his comment. I wasn’t arguing, I was discussing. I only called people names after they called me names. I did not instigate the insulting. I don’t think it’s a term of endearment, a backhanded compliment at best. “Something sweet”? Really? Lol

    #594520 Reply

    Deb

    Good. We can all agree it was a back handed compliment. He thinks you are on the heavy side. It apparently likes it. Or he wouldn’t be seeing you. Sounds like your problem is solved.

    #594523 Reply

    Ruby

    No, problem not solved. I’m not heavy, so…

    #594524 Reply

    Deb

    So.. shall we make this another five pages? And keep talking about the definition again? What are YOU going to do? Keep stewing or deal with it?

    #594525 Reply

    Ruby

    I’m going to discuss it with him. I wanted to mellow a little first. Are you saying the definition is heavy?

    #594526 Reply

    Patty

    I feel so bad for you!!! I think he should apologize or I wouldn’t take him back. He was like totally disrespectful to you. If a dude talked like that to me I would get so mad too.

    I would text him and let him know that it is not ok and that he needs to apologize. But even then I would feel weird. I mean when your BF says says things hiw do you know if they are like real feelings to him? I have a question to post to about my BF. But your guy seems pretty cold. Xx

    #594527 Reply

    Ruby

    @Patty
    There’s no need to make a joke of my problems

    #594528 Reply

    Ceb

    If you read the definition it means ‘full bodied’ so heavy, big, volumous is another way to say voluptuous. Who knows if your man even read a dictionary. you always stop talking to him for days over a random comment? What was the argument? The only thing you said was that he called you voluptuous. What happened after that?

    #594529 Reply

    Ruby

    That was the argument. He apologized & explained that he meant “curvy & sexually attractive”. He reiterated that he doesn’t think I’m fat. I was upset, didn’t want to react emotionally, so I haven’t talked to him yet. I wanted to sort it out for myself first

    #594530 Reply

    Linda

    Ruby, I will drop out of this thread with this. I will tell you pretty much what I told you the first time. I am curvy and voluptuous. I have a big butt and big boobs. When I was younger I was self conscious about my figure and would get hurt if someone pointed it out. I have since realized it is not a bad thing. Most of us wish we could change something about our bodies, we are not perfect. But you know what, all of the men that I have ever dated have told me that what physically attracted them to me was my figure. How can I not take that as a compliment. If you feel like your BF didn’t mean it as a compliment and you rejected the advice we gave you here have a talk with him. He is your boyfriend after all. You should have open comunication. And again I seriously doubt the guy would be dating you if he didn’t find you attractive. Best of luck to you.

    #594532 Reply

    Deb

    Ok.. well this was a waste of time. He apologized and you are pouting like a baby.
    Sort away. You better hope he isn’t talking with other women while you act like a baby. You said you were a ‘strong’ woman. Insisted on it, yet this is pretty much behavior of a two year old. Actually worse. Because the guy didn’t even say it as an insult.

    This relationship isn’t going to last, if he has any esteem or brains.

    #594533 Reply

    Deb

    Btw. You are being dramatic by not talking to him or communicating.

    #594534 Reply

    Hannah

    It means curvy. It means sexy. Many men love voluptuous. You’re obviously not a stick to be called that. But no it doesn’t mean he thinks you’re heavy. You can be tiny and petite and voluptuous.

    Ruby I think you still have body image issues. You seem to get very upset if someone says you’re fat/heavy, even though you know they don’t even know what you look like.

    My husband has actually told me I was fat before. I was, he was right! Obviously it wasn’t a nice thing to hear but it didn’t make me as upset as this guy calling you voluptuous has you. I think your sensitivity to this may be wrapped up with your previous eating disorder.

    #594535 Reply

    Ruby

    @Deb
    Apologies are nice, but since when do they make anything go away? Contrary to what you guys think, I’m secure. “Other women” don’t intimidate me. If he finds something better… Bye!! What do you mean he didn’t say it as an insult? He said it, that’s enough

    #594536 Reply

    Deb

    I think you should break up then. He’s a dick. How dare he.
    Find a better man, obviously this will never work because he committed a sin worse than infidelity, to you.
    So cut the poor guy loose so he can find a healthy woman that has a sense of humor, higher self esteem, and tougher skin. It takes all of that to be in a relationship and the real world.

    #594538 Reply

    Ruby

    @Hannah
    I’ve said I’m probably extra sensitive because of my history. I’m very self aware. I just think it’s stupid for people on here to call me fat, when they have no idea. I’m not skinny. I don’t want to be. My eating disorder wasn’t even about wanting to be skinny, it was postpartum issues. If I was fat, I’d think ‘Well, at least he was being nice about it’, but I’m not, so I don’t understand his word choice. My eating disorder was 10years ago. I’ve been fine, until this. It triggered something. I’m not normally insecure

    #594541 Reply

    Deb

    Find a new BF and a new therapist. Sounds like you need both. The proportion of your reaction is off the charts crazy for the situation and you obvisouoy know it , so why are you posting here and not dealing with the root cause which is you eating issues

    #594543 Reply

    Hannah

    I think it has triggered something in you. Do you really like him? Really value his opinion? Maybe working out why it made you react this way may help?

    Honestly I’m sure he was trying to compliment you.

    You have to decide if you can get past this. He said something nice you took the wrong way. That’s all that happened.

    #594547 Reply

    Ruby

    I do really like him. We’ve been together for over a year. I mean, what girl doesn’t want to feel like her man thinks she’s beautiful? I don’t think that’s such a bad thing. Now I feel like he’s not attracted to me. It sucks

    #594548 Reply

    Peggy

    Too right L-you got called a lot of hateful names and no attempt to say them in a tongue in cheek with humour like you do.Not that racial slurs are ever funny. You can dish it out so I think you have some tolerance for push back-but the racist comments from a certain person just show her character or lack of same-I have gotten angry and frustrated on here and in real life and I have never called anyone names like-in fact they never crossed my mind…

    #594549 Reply

    Hannah

    You’ve been with this guy a year?! Ruby you’re being way over sensitive. Really. IT’S A COMPLIMENT!!! He even explained what he meant by it and they were good things.

    My husband is currently on a boys skiing trip. I’m going to do a poll of all of him and all of his friends tomorrow to find out if they think voluptuous is good or bad. I can’t think of any other way to reassure you! We’ve all told already!

    He thinks you’re sexy. Like L said, that’s really nothing to be upset about

    #594551 Reply

    Phillygirl

    I have NEVER heard a man use the term voluptuous as anything other than a huge compliment.

    TV, the media, magazines try to teach us we aren’t good enough the way we are, and create insecurities in young girls and women. The beauty industry does not promote being beautiful in your own skin, it points out all our flaws (real and imagined) so that we buy their products.

    I stopped reading most fashion magazines for that very reason. Everyone of us has an insecurity (or two, or 10). Maturity and life experience have taught me to own who I am. I am not in competition with anyone else, I am competing to be my best self.

    My heart goes out to anyone with an eating disorder. My sister sufferered that as a teen. She was and is beautiful in every way, but she has to see that. We need to see (and own) our own individual beauty and assets.

    I am a strong person, I don’t let other’s opinions determine my self worth. I work on improving the areas I feel need work, and embrace my strengths. None of us are perfect, but we are all perfectly imperfect and beautiful in our own way.

    A secure woman would not have freaked out at this remark, they would have embraced it as a compliment. That is what other posters meant about the OP behaving insecurely. And that is also why I think therapy would be helpful (not an insult).

    My ex used to to tell me I had the perfect bubble butt. At first I was offended, and told him so. He carefully explained to me several times what a compliment it was meant to be. Like most girls, I grew up always wanting to be thinner, skinnier.

    And I am considered pretty petite. 5′ 3″ 118 lbs. I was a gymnast and ballroom dancer. Both are known to have very strong legs/posteriors. I heard “fat butt” when my BF said bubble butt. He told me most men do not like women without curves, and while most girls srtrive to be super skinny, very few men find the emaciated look a turn on.

    Since he was constantly telling me how beautiful he found me, and would not keep his hands off my booty, I realized I was viewing myself through the wrong filter (apologies for the TMI, felt it was needed to make a point here). He told me to see ME…. through HIS eyes. When a man finds you that attractive it is almost an insult not to see yourself that way back.

    Nothing kills a man’s romance or desire to compliment more than a woman who can’t accept a compliment. I grew to LOVE the bubble butt comment, becasue I understoood how he meant it. There is nothing more precious than a man who wants to show and tell you how much he admires you….all of you.

    The goal shouldn’t be some ridiculous attainment of impossible perfection (which doesn’t exist, since beauty is VERY subjective). Everyone has a different idea of what that is. It’s to be happy being your best verison of you. If you aren’t there yet, take steps to improve (mind, body, and soul).

    I can’t leave this post without saying one last thing. I think the way this post devolved was disgusting. The OP got some very good advice to start, and did seem bent on arguing the voluptuous comment WAS an insult. Again, I saw that as a reaction to some deep seated insecurities which I hope she gets help to overcome.

    But….the things the OP said to some posters, especially “L”, was abhorrent, disgusting, and below the belt. Absolutely unacceptable.

    You always have a choice, take the high road or the low road. NO ONE MAKES you do anything. When you own that, you own your choices.

    I’m not going to point out every inappropriate comment made in this thread, but I am pointing out specifically the worst ones.

    If things devolve to the point the convo becomes moronic, walk away. When you stoop down to racist, hateful slurs and insults, it reveals just how disempowered you feel. It’s how people who feel weak, afraid and defensive lash out .I’m sorry you felt attacked and the need to strike out. But your words reflect poorly on you. I don’t respect that.

    #594552 Reply

    Deb

    Peggy
    I tried sympathy too, but after re reading everything, you are right. She is a racist and a mean person. She expects people to be nice to her and doesn’t have he class to be nice to others or just ignore people she doesn’t agree with.

    The term chink was uncalled for and about as low as someone can go. L is a regular contributor and you either like her or not and she doesn’t tend to go off like this unless provoked. And frankly, if I were Asian I wouldn’t have taken the nasty comments as cavalier or easily as she has.

    Hannah is being nice as she always is to help the OP.

    But frankly at this point I think the OP has shown what a classless and low life b@$ch she is. Who cares what she looks like physically .. she has shown her true side .She’s ugly as sin on the inside.

    #594554 Reply

    Peggy

    Yes-I guess I feel sorry for Ruby as she also certainly feels sorry for herself-sad.

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