Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › "voluptuous" – is he politely calling me fat?
This topic contains 143 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Linda 6 years, 1 month ago.
Me stop? Really? Some people are bullying me for no reason but I should just be quiet?
I give up-you are not being bullied-or aT LEAST, you were not getting strong comments until you started sounding unreasonable. You said you think you look fabulous,well that’s wonderful,-great! Leave it there. Plus if you feel bullied, no one is forcing you to stay and read and post on here-you are choosing to be victimized if indeed one could call it that.
The OP first posted her question at approximately 9:20am, there are at least 14 replies at the beginning where the ladies on here are encouraging her and telling her voluptuous is not a bad thing. She rejects every single one of those respspnses and twists some of the words to mean that she was indeed called fat. Someone even went as far as posting the definition from google and she came back and found one that meant the opposite. Her last reply was at 5:38pm and despite being polite and not so polite with her she still doesn’t want to accept our opinions. Like I said it’s pointless to continue trying to convince someone who has already made up her mind.
I have been bullied. No one knows what I look like, so making fat jokes is immature & ignorant. I’ve been told to get professional help. I’ve repeatedly been told about how insecure I am. This is not constructive, this is bullying. Some people have made valid points & been kind but it’s sad when some people who know I’m in a bad emotional space already only seek to make it worse. Tis the internet
Voluptuous in colloquial tongue means a compliment, it means ‘curves and boobs’.
Even if it didn’t mean that, do you think this person would consciously and purposefully INSULT you in your face? what would he accomplish by doing this? why would he do that? if he didn’t like what you have he’d simply not see you again. Even total dicks don’t throw insults to women’s faces about their bodies.
You got a sting “immediately”, as you say, because it is a sore spot for you but you need to be objective. The word means a good thing and the guy VOLUNTEERED it to you trying to pay you a compliment. Majority of men love voluptuous women. Women with curves, buts and boobs.
You said you get hit on by men, then why are you so concerned about what ONE guy thought. Whatever it was. But you thinking that he might be calling you “fat” in your face as an uncalled for comment is OVER THE TOP.
You are posting here for the first time and some women gave you tough love, you take care to respond to every single critical post. You are a fighter, picking fights easily, “I am not an overweight single mother, I can meet people in real life”. This is a condescending jab at so many people, you know how to make enemies don’t you? There are millions of people doing online dating. All overweight single mothers and fathers?
You can fight and bicker with every comment that does not praise you on this forum all you want but ultimately this fighting will not serve you.
If you “immediately” take a guy’s comment (even a compliment) as an offense you have issues and it is in your interests to deal with them. Take all the negative feedback here like an adult. Learn from it and improve what you can.
What Linda said -1oo% and G you are lone person here proving Ruby’s point-be better then your comments portray. I m done commenting-I have tried to be helpful and useful and approach an answer from several angles and help Ruby to consider various points, but I am ready to bash my head into a brick wall-which may actually make me feel better than trying to help the Ruby,Sophie’s etc. of this forum world.
You didn’t come to this forum to get an answer for what “voluptuous” really means, you could have googled that.
According to your posts, he called you fat and you got mad. You probably fought and you came here looking for us to tell you that he was so mean and not considered. You needed some kind of reassurance.
Instead, you got what you weren’t expecting people telling you how unconsidered you were with your bf who was actually giving you a compliment.
You honestly sound like someone that does not accept critics of any kind and very closed minded. You complain about people bullying. Just read your posts, you are calling people here not very nice things. He has to really like you because honestly, you sound very hard to stick around with.
I wonder what will you call me now…
I was actually going to offer you a bit of advice that I thought could be useful, but I changed my mind after I read the ” Not everyone wants to be skinny bitch” comment And you say you have been a victim of bullying?
Peggy too funny! I think you are right. Bashing one’s head in would probably produce better results. She wants to keep the thread going, who knows for what reason but I think at this point if we continue to comment we are just enabling her so next!
Of course that’s the way you feel better about yourself is to rank on someone else…
Way to go…
I would like to think that most men don’t work in extremes & don’t want skinny or fat. A happy medium is nice
[multiple posts deleted]
I’m actually surprised that her language is getting through the barriers here because if you use certain words it won’t post.
I think it’s the same person that has posted all the previous neverending threads that were fueled primarily by the nonstop arguing. To me name calling is abusive. Although I do feel that there are certain posters who are bullies, I don’t feel this woman was bullied and I feel that she’s the one being abusive to others.
Like I stated before, this poster’s threads all have the same pattern,The ordinary everyday situation, the endless arguing with anyone that tries to give her advice, the introduction of the past psychological trauma, and they all have the same defensive, almost hysterical tone like they’re a cassette tape being played at warp speed. The anxiety just comes off the page in waves. Same writing style, same technique, same voice….same poster. It is not bullying to suggest to someone they get professional help when they clearly need it.
I agree Jamie
The pattern is so obvious. Someone is just having fun and trying to stir up problems. Ruby, Sophie, suz, as recent examples.
Oh well, it’s entertaining, at worst.
You give someone advice, they reject and being muleheaded.
Then you start saying things that not nice, they fight back.
Then you are accusing they are troll, stirring up the problem.
Why one want so bad for her advice to be accepted?
Let them made mistake, that is human right.
Perhaps they will understand what you mean, perhaps they will experience different things.
I really love how Samira handle the horde of insults to her, she is the one who can reflect the nasty ball back gracefully.
She is young, but really adept at handling internet abuse.
So true Jamie. Jade S-the poster does have the right to decide whether she will take our advice-but she does not need to act like a dick if she disagrees.
I treated people the way they treated me. I wasn’t rude to everyone, just the ones that were rude to me. How ignorant is it to make fat jokes to a woman that’s had eating disorders when you don’t even know what she looks like? My appearance wasn’t the topic. This is a relationship forum, not a do you think I’m fat forum. That’s crossing a line & it makes certain people look catty, juvenile & ignorant. Why should I just blindly accept advice? It’s called having a discussion, an exchange of ideas. My inability to just agree with people must mean that I need therapy. I was seeking other opinions. I wasn’t seeking to be dictated too & insulted. I’m sorry that I have a mind of my own
[multiple posts deleted]
Ruby, you are absolutely correct. Some of the comments that were exchanged on this thread were nasty. This is a discussion/advice relationship forum. I have come on here a few times over the last two years seeking advice. Some of these ladies give great solid advice and some can be pretty harsh or rude. I take what I feel is the good advice (even if sometimes it’s harsh) and I have ignored the people who have been rude. I don’t see the need to engage them any further. However when people start throwing insults back and forth at each other then this is no longer a discussion, it is an argument. There is a sway of getting your point across without resorting to jabs. When we start with the insults the point we are trying to make loses validity. People shut down and they stop being objective. You came on this forum asking for advice and we told you what we thought. You didn’t agree with our advice and at some point some of these ladies became frustrated. You definitely don’t have to agree and you don’t have to follow anyone’s advice if you choose not to. However the insults back and forth didn’t help anyone. You could have stopped responding like some OPs do when they don’t like the advice given. But you felt attacked and you attacked back. You did the exact same thing some of these ladies did and 111 comments later I’m pretty sure nothing was resolved. You still think voluptuous means fat and nobody will change your mind about that.
Linda, I agree completely. I keep responding because I’m a fighter. I don’t let bullies run me off. However, when this thread dies out, I will never post here again. Not everyone was rude, some were very pleasant. As for the nasty ones, I give as good as I get. I don’t mind constructive harsh criticism . Sometimes that’s what we need but I do mind personal attacks. People don’t know what I look like or how I function in my day to day life. They know of one argument I had with my boyfriend & judge me solely on that. Who isn’t a bit emotional after a fight? Doesn’t make me crazy or a troll or even insecure. I’m strong, I’ll be fine but you don’t know someone’s emotional state when they come on here. If everyone gets treated this way, someone could very well be driven to suicide. People should think before they speak or type
Ya know. Now we know it’s a troll. Only someone who has been here would throw out the threats if suicide etc.
This thread should have died days ago. The OP obvisouoy needs to work this out with the BF… if she is even real. Or needs psychiatric help. In which case the thread would be shut down.
We don’t deal with psychiatric issues here. It’s a dating forum. Not an eating disorder forum..
Wasn’t a suiide threat. That’s not me but if a weaker person came on here & got treated the way I have, it could happen. Me & my problems are very much real. I wasn’t seeking help for my ‘psychiatric problems’. I wanted other people’s opinions on this situation so I could determine whether I was overreacting or not, since sometimes I do overthink things. I do need to work this out with my bf, but I knew my friends would take my side, I wanted neutral input first. Thank you to the ones that tried to be helpful
Absolutely, that is why I refrain from the name calling and insults because you are right we don’t know the struggles people deal with in their daily life. I have a teenage daughter and I would hate for her to go on to a site to vent her issues and have someone push her over the edge. I respond to the posts on here that I can relate to because of personal experience and I try to be as helpful as possible. Some people take my advice some never answer me, which is fine and some disagree with me which I totally respect. Nothing more I can do. I do it because when I came on here I was pretty devastated. I got some good advice and some people ridiculed me, and I was a bit in shock about some of things that were said but all and all most of these ladies made valid points about my situation. I try to do the same when I have the time.