"voluptuous" – is he politely calling me fat?

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  • #594217 Reply

    I was just seeking outside input, that doesn’t make me insecure or dramatic. I don’t know why everyone on here wants to verbally beat me up. Years ago, I struggled with eating disorder issues, so naturally I’m sensitive to comments about my body. What he said triggered something. Geez, is everyone on here always so nasty?

    #594219 Reply

    You got very supportive advice and continued to complain.

    If you want to know what he really meant than ask him. Every man is different and yes, some men say things about what they like or don’t like. It’s up to you to decide if that’s a problem.

    I get having an eating disorder, but that’s not his problem. It’s yours. And if someone says something that sets you off, it’s your own insecurity.

    I’m not sure what answer you are looking for. You got a mix… but at the end of the day it doesn’t matter what we say. It’s about how you feel about yourself and how you allow baggage to taint your relationship.

    I think your real question is’ how do I get over feeling insecure when my BF says things and I take them the wrong way?’

    #594220 Reply


    How can anyone be sure that I “took it the wrong way”?

    #594221 Reply

    We can be worse. I’ve been told some pretty mean things on here. I just ignore it. I take the good advice. Even when it’s harsh. If you go back and look at the first replies the ladies on here gave you they were pretty nice, you kept thinking however that this guy had called you fat regardless of what we were telling you.

    #594223 Reply

    We can’t. Like I said, how would anyone on here possibly know if he was complimenting or insulting you?

    You asked a bunch of strangers for opinions and guesses.

    This sounds like a bigger issue than just this one comment, if you are acting this extreme, you may want to talk to a therapist. We can debate all day if you took what he said the right way. But at the end of the day, it made you feel bad about yourself and nothing we can say will change that. You need reassurance from the BF. Or you need therapy support to figure out how to deal with ‘triggers’ that set you off.

    Eating disorders are no joke and so if you feel it’s making you go to dark places, this isn’t the place to find support about that.

    #594225 Reply

    For *** sake… Here we go again :(

    #594235 Reply

    Ruby-you are being ridiculous-many women on here -including me ,think he was complimentary and thinks you are sexy. Why are you arguing-if you want to think he thinks you are fat-although there is no evidence you are fat, or that he thinks so-go ahead. You are in the drama zone and coming off as very insecure. Perhaps you should not be dating if you can’t even take a simple compliment at face value. I am not one to be nasty or mean-but this kind of response from some OP’s is very frustrating!

    #594236 Reply

    Oh dear Ruby, voluptuous is definitely a compliment and not him calling you fat. :) I think the reason people here are calling you insecure is because the way you view your guy’s comment and those comments from here. Honestly, I’ve read back on your responses and it does entails that you are somehow insecure. We all have insecurities don’t worry just accept the fact that when someone says you’re voluptuous it means you are sexy and that it is a compliment. Confidence, girl! :)

    #594237 Reply

    Hi Peggy, out of context but what does OP mean? Haha :p

    #594238 Reply

    I am taking is “compliment” at face value. Voluptuous = fat. By definition, it implies largeness

    #594241 Reply

    Our work is done then. Good luck to you.

    #594242 Reply

    April-It means Original Poster-Ruby etc.

    #594243 Reply

    Ruby-There is not just one way to be sexy or attractive-he would not be with you,I would imagine,if he was not attracted to you. Go ahead just label him a jerk and break up with him then, and you can sulk and pout about how mean he was to you-YES I am being sarcastic. This is all on you-either accept him and his words, or leave him, or tell him he hurt your feelings and he will be baffled and bewildered and see your insecurity.

    #594244 Reply

    I want to add Ruby,-and I do not mean this unkindly, but perhaps this is the same kind of skewed thinking that lead you to an eating disorder in the first place-maybe some therapy or medical consultation would help you.

    #594245 Reply


    Fair enough.

    I was struggling to phrase my response in a way that imparts “voluptuous” isn’t a bad thing.
    Evidently, I still ended up phrasing poorly.

    #594247 Reply

    @Ash – Gotcha! :-)

    #594248 Reply

    I hate to say it, but I am seeing a definite pattern with some of the posts in here. I don’t think they’re fake posts or troll posts. I do think it’s the same poster who needs more support than we can give.

    #594249 Reply

    Of course I looked the word up. The Google image search was the worst. Do you understand what a euphemism is? Not everyone uses literal dictionary definitions all the time. Voluptuous has become a euphemism for fat. Look at any online dating site & you’ll see obese women calling themselves voluptuous & curvy, though that is not the actual definition

    #594250 Reply

    “I am taking is “compliment” at face value. Voluptuous = fat. By definition, it implies largeness”


    This is why some of the women here are getting irritated. Because the majority have told you that it’s a compliment and you don’t have to worry, but you don’t listen to what they say, you spin their words to interpret the worst. You’re not taking things at face value, you’re over-analyzing and beating yourself up.

    This is why you seem insecure and dramatic, because no matter what they say, you still take it as he’s calling you fat. You’re hearing what you want to hear, not what is actually being said.

    #594251 Reply

    I’m not trolling. Actually, I’ve never posted on this forum before, probably won’t again. That’s why I was a bit taken aback by rude some people are on here

    #594252 Reply

    I just always think of big boobs when I hear voluptuous. You’ve been asked several times if you happen to have a large chest, do you? If so, this is very likely what he was referring to.

    #594253 Reply

    I agree with you, Ash-that is it exactly. RUBY-you yourself said you are not fat (fat by the way is not the worst thing in the world someone can be called although the world and people in general are getting heavier-but I digress…) The point is Ruby, if YOU do not think you are fat-that is what matters! Again, if he thought you were unattractive I doubt he would be around. Give him the benefit of the doubt and just say “thankyou” or find another guy and stop obsessing on this, you are making yourself and the people trying to help here,a little crazy.

    #594254 Reply

    I meant AND the world is heavier…the new normal practically.

    #594255 Reply

    It has to be the same person who keeps posting ridiculous questions and then gets argumentative with replies and then complains about the forum… same ol’ pattern. We keep getting a few of these each week and they follow the same exact pattern. The suz, Sophie and now ruby

    And if it isn’t, the OP has major issues beyond dating.

    #594256 Reply

    I wouldn’t say I have a large chest, 38C,thats medium. I mean I don’t look like a little boy or anything.I mean unless someone is obviously obese, “fat”can be subjective. One person’s fat is another person’s thick. I don’t think I’m fat, doesn’t mean that he agrees

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