Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › "voluptuous" – is he politely calling me fat?
This topic contains 143 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Linda 6 years, 1 month ago.
I was just seeking outside input, that doesn’t make me insecure or dramatic. I don’t know why everyone on here wants to verbally beat me up. Years ago, I struggled with eating disorder issues, so naturally I’m sensitive to comments about my body. What he said triggered something. Geez, is everyone on here always so nasty?
You got very supportive advice and continued to complain.
If you want to know what he really meant than ask him. Every man is different and yes, some men say things about what they like or don’t like. It’s up to you to decide if that’s a problem.
I get having an eating disorder, but that’s not his problem. It’s yours. And if someone says something that sets you off, it’s your own insecurity.
I’m not sure what answer you are looking for. You got a mix… but at the end of the day it doesn’t matter what we say. It’s about how you feel about yourself and how you allow baggage to taint your relationship.
I think your real question is’ how do I get over feeling insecure when my BF says things and I take them the wrong way?’
How can anyone be sure that I “took it the wrong way”?
We can be worse. I’ve been told some pretty mean things on here. I just ignore it. I take the good advice. Even when it’s harsh. If you go back and look at the first replies the ladies on here gave you they were pretty nice, you kept thinking however that this guy had called you fat regardless of what we were telling you.
We can’t. Like I said, how would anyone on here possibly know if he was complimenting or insulting you?
You asked a bunch of strangers for opinions and guesses.
This sounds like a bigger issue than just this one comment, if you are acting this extreme, you may want to talk to a therapist. We can debate all day if you took what he said the right way. But at the end of the day, it made you feel bad about yourself and nothing we can say will change that. You need reassurance from the BF. Or you need therapy support to figure out how to deal with ‘triggers’ that set you off.
Eating disorders are no joke and so if you feel it’s making you go to dark places, this isn’t the place to find support about that.
For *** sake… Here we go again :(
Ruby-you are being ridiculous-many women on here -including me ,think he was complimentary and thinks you are sexy. Why are you arguing-if you want to think he thinks you are fat-although there is no evidence you are fat, or that he thinks so-go ahead. You are in the drama zone and coming off as very insecure. Perhaps you should not be dating if you can’t even take a simple compliment at face value. I am not one to be nasty or mean-but this kind of response from some OP’s is very frustrating!
Oh dear Ruby, voluptuous is definitely a compliment and not him calling you fat. :) I think the reason people here are calling you insecure is because the way you view your guy’s comment and those comments from here. Honestly, I’ve read back on your responses and it does entails that you are somehow insecure. We all have insecurities don’t worry just accept the fact that when someone says you’re voluptuous it means you are sexy and that it is a compliment. Confidence, girl! :)
Hi Peggy, out of context but what does OP mean? Haha :p
I am taking is “compliment” at face value. Voluptuous = fat. By definition, it implies largeness
Our work is done then. Good luck to you.
April-It means Original Poster-Ruby etc.
Ruby-There is not just one way to be sexy or attractive-he would not be with you,I would imagine,if he was not attracted to you. Go ahead just label him a jerk and break up with him then, and you can sulk and pout about how mean he was to you-YES I am being sarcastic. This is all on you-either accept him and his words, or leave him, or tell him he hurt your feelings and he will be baffled and bewildered and see your insecurity.
I want to add Ruby,-and I do not mean this unkindly, but perhaps this is the same kind of skewed thinking that lead you to an eating disorder in the first place-maybe some therapy or medical consultation would help you.
I was struggling to phrase my response in a way that imparts “voluptuous” isn’t a bad thing.
Evidently, I still ended up phrasing poorly.
@Ash – Gotcha! :-)
I hate to say it, but I am seeing a definite pattern with some of the posts in here. I don’t think they’re fake posts or troll posts. I do think it’s the same poster who needs more support than we can give.
Of course I looked the word up. The Google image search was the worst. Do you understand what a euphemism is? Not everyone uses literal dictionary definitions all the time. Voluptuous has become a euphemism for fat. Look at any online dating site & you’ll see obese women calling themselves voluptuous & curvy, though that is not the actual definition
“I am taking is “compliment” at face value. Voluptuous = fat. By definition, it implies largeness”
This is why some of the women here are getting irritated. Because the majority have told you that it’s a compliment and you don’t have to worry, but you don’t listen to what they say, you spin their words to interpret the worst. You’re not taking things at face value, you’re over-analyzing and beating yourself up.
This is why you seem insecure and dramatic, because no matter what they say, you still take it as he’s calling you fat. You’re hearing what you want to hear, not what is actually being said.
I’m not trolling. Actually, I’ve never posted on this forum before, probably won’t again. That’s why I was a bit taken aback by rude some people are on here
I just always think of big boobs when I hear voluptuous. You’ve been asked several times if you happen to have a large chest, do you? If so, this is very likely what he was referring to.
I agree with you, Ash-that is it exactly. RUBY-you yourself said you are not fat (fat by the way is not the worst thing in the world someone can be called although the world and people in general are getting heavier-but I digress…) The point is Ruby, if YOU do not think you are fat-that is what matters! Again, if he thought you were unattractive I doubt he would be around. Give him the benefit of the doubt and just say “thankyou” or find another guy and stop obsessing on this, you are making yourself and the people trying to help here,a little crazy.
I meant AND the world is heavier…the new normal practically.
It has to be the same person who keeps posting ridiculous questions and then gets argumentative with replies and then complains about the forum… same ol’ pattern. We keep getting a few of these each week and they follow the same exact pattern. The suz, Sophie and now ruby
And if it isn’t, the OP has major issues beyond dating.
I wouldn’t say I have a large chest, 38C,thats medium. I mean I don’t look like a little boy or anything.I mean unless someone is obviously obese, “fat”can be subjective. One person’s fat is another person’s thick. I don’t think I’m fat, doesn’t mean that he agrees