Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Unmatched on dating site; is he trying to tell me he isn’t interested?
- This topic has 12 replies and was last updated 5 years, 8 months ago by
Laura.
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Marie
I went out with a guy last weekend. I really Liked him, but despite getting along great, I wasn’t so sure of his level of interest. I texted him the next day saying thanks, and we talked for a little. I didn’t Hear from him anymore during the week but could see he was quite active on the app.
I honestly didn’t care but had an increasing urge to sleep with him. I’ve never had casual sex and am trying really hard to get over my ex, who happened to contact me last week. I felt comfortable with this guy as though I’ve Known him for a while and thought the hell with it,, I’m going to try for casual sex. So Friday I texted Him saying I was free Saturday if he wanted to come over to my place. I didnt Come out and say it was for sex but figured he would get the hint. He replied that he was busy Saturday but that we would figure something out soon. I took that as ambiguous and just said for him to let me know.
So yesterday I noticed he unmatched me. We text, so it’s not like I can’t Contact him, but I took That as the timing being too big of a coincidence. I felt Pretty dumb and really hope he didn’t think I wasn’t able to take a hint.
Raven
He didn’t take your hint & apparently you’re not taking his…
L
Ouch!
T from NY
The only way to know a mans level of interest for the first 3 months is to let them text you 100% of the time for the first month or so and 90% of the time thereafter!! Don’t ask them to hang out. Don’t text to say thank you — do that in person. And eXpECt them to be busy on the dating app because yOu are busy on it too.
Men want to work for things. They want to feel like they are winning. Most men even want to work a little for casual sex — not have it offered up on a platter. The men I slept with casually before getting into a relationship never knew “for sure” they were gonna get it. It’s called the dance. And it required a man not to assume he was gonna get anything.
I understand. You’re getting yourself out there after a break up. But trying to “catch” a guys attention is not gonna be the way you feel better about you. Catch your OWN attention and focus on yourself. Let dates be just moments in time you only think about when you’re there — don’t let yourself even NOTICE what some dude is doing on dating app.
The only person you think about is you. Until such time as a man makes him self known in a big way and over the course of months. It’s the only way to know if it’s real.
Marie
T-I get What you’re saying. But if anything I was the one who totally squashed any hookup vibe last weekend. So if I was interested in that I HAD to text him. I’m just surprised by the whole being unmatched thing. It’s not like I kept trying to contact him.
jarcom
If he unmatched you in okc, it means he doesn’t want you to know when he is online.
there are million reasons why he may have done that. I did it myself. I went on a date and this guy kept telling me “why aren’t you replying, i saw you were online” and then decided to unmatched him.
After him i have unmatched others after i got their phones to avoid any weirdness. It doesn’t mean i am not interested anymore, only that i still want to check the market and i don’t want him to know when i have been online or not. It is not my fault that today everyone considers that taking your time to reply is lack of interest.Marie
Jarcom-yikes, that’s crazy that guys would get like that. I can’t Imagine ever keeping tabs on a man that way. BUT this wasn’t okcupid, and this was a full week after our date, so I don’t THINK he did it to avoid “weirdness.”
T from NY
I am sorry. But you do not get what I’m saying. If he wasn’t reaching out to you after you “squashed” the hook up vibes — his interest was very, very low. I’ll repeat — men want to work at things. Even if it’s “just” casual sex. Do you know how many guys I’ve made it CLEAR I wasn’t interested in just sex — yet they kept trying? Others did not. I never would have chased a man who didn’t even want to sex me.
Think about it for a while. Why would you offer your body to a guy who isn’t even trying!!!? Also — from what you’ve written and your logic — I’m afraid you wouldn’t be able to handle “just” sex. It’s very, very difficult. And I think for the most part women who say they can, just end up hurting themselves.
My advise still stands. And whoever said it was right — being unmatched can mean a whole lot of things!! But if he’s not contacting you or making a plan to see you — it means NEXT! And no more thinking about a dude not thinking about you.
Ali
Oh boy. I don’t think he’s interested hun.
Next time, don’t throw yourself at a man. Even if you only want “casual”, throwing yourself will cause you to lose self esteem, because the man won’t respect you, may use you and discard, or just flat out reject you like this guy did.
I honestly don’t think such an interaction is going to help you get over your ex! It’ll just ruin your self esteem or hurt your ego.
Hannah
If I went on a date with someone and they didn’t contact me in a week, I would assume they weren’t interested and move on. I think you should have taken the hint at that point.
Texting straight after the date? Fine. But then again on Friday asking him over was a waste of time as he hadn’t been in touch at all. He would habe asked if he wanted to see you. All it did was make you feel bad and him feel awkward. He may have unmatched you to give you a stronger hint.
Don’t worry about it. No big deal!
Hannah
If I went on a date with someone and they didn’t contact me in a week, I would assume they weren’t interested and move on. I think you should have taken the hint at that point.
Texting straight after the date? Fine. But then again on Friday asking him over was a waste of time as he hadn’t been in touch at all. He would habe asked if he wanted to see you. All it did was make you feel bad and him feel awkward. He may have unmatched you to give you a stronger hint.
Don’t worry about it. No big deal!
anon
The fact that he blew off your request for casual sex is more indicative of a lack of interest than being unmatched online.
Laura
If him not responding as you would like makes you seek out online advice, you aren’t ready for casual. This is not a dig on you at all, just means you care too much =)
If you do want casual, go ahead and have this convo with a dude. He may not be about that life…we can’t assume anything anymore.
Trust me, you’ll match with another guy soon and probably feel electric energy and maybe open it to casual sex or maybe you decide to open it to dating and wait a bit!! Point is, these are your decisions to make =)
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