The guy i'm dating is cheap–and it's a turn-off, should we break-up?


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Viewing 25 posts - 76 through 100 (of 102 total)
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  • #592307 Reply
    Suz

    Vanessa: Actually, didn’t read the whole thread… my bad, lol… ;)

    #592707 Reply
    Mark

    The best advice is to date someone with a equal salary to you so u can do things together. If it was the other way around you gotta understand that your bf would have every right leaving you too for someone on his level. People should look for similar partners financial wise but don’t expect the man to pay all the time. You need to compromise maybe taking turns of something that is equal. If u want a man to just take care you than go for back to your ex who’s a doctor or go for a sugar daddy.

    #592714 Reply
    Mark

    I dated a girl who never worked and it was the worst. I had to pay for her to do anything. It was so one-sided. I drove her around everywhere. When she found a job she only spent her money on herself still expecting me to always pay. Some people are just takers and moochers. There are no handouts in life. Everybody should respect each other and things should be equal in a relationship regardless of gender or salaries.

    #594557 Reply
    Astrid

    I just read this whole thread and it gave me great satisfaction because it really helped me flesh out my own problem. Yes, I know it’s old and OP may never know. Well, I think the point about the guy paying isn’t so much about dollar amounts but deeper stinginess. Neurotic stinginess. It is really a shame , but an old love of mine came back into my life a few months ago. At first it was great – I’m a teacher, he’s a social worker so neither of us is rich. But, we were having fun. We sometimes split the bill, he sometimes insisted on paying. I would cook meals for us and give freely of what I had. As things got more serious, and he became more comfortable, there seemed to be a subtle but major shift. I started paying for the trips to see him (which had been split before- like $100 a pop). We started splitting bills more often, and I paid the whole a few times. And he started withholding food from me, stuff like not allowing me margarine on my toast because he only had a little left? Asking me to buy groceries when I was spending the weekend at his house- and eating them from under my nose! To be clear, I had a small amount of an item for a sandwich and he devoured it- so no sandwich for me. he also had no food in the house). Then I noticed we were always taking my car everywhere. Let’s not even talk about Christmas. Then we had a cheap lunch with my mother, $30, and he accepted our offer to pay. Ugh!! Finally, we went to the grocery store to replace the item he had eaten. It was a small bag of chips and a couple things for dinner which I was making. It was $6 and he made me pay. He made me pay!! I know it’s not the dollar amount but the feeling, like many posters have, that being cheap with me makes me feel cheap. Not even good enough to provide a thing for me. Just let me take care of everything. I truly feel he has a deep sadistic or selfish vein that is bothering me. I can’t imagine anything less romantic than this kind of treatment. So ungentlemanly. The feeling that he does not have my back is deep. That I slept with him makes me sick. I’m not looking for guys to support me but Guys who will give a ride or not take me hiking when i have a broken toe (yes he did). None of this is loving behavior.

    #594699 Reply
    Sensy

    Sandra P. I see your mindset as not realizing your value and not being able to be alone. Why would you want to be with someone you are not “feeling” it for? You have fear of being by yourself. Don’t be disillusioned. You must work on yourself with a goal of shifting your mindset peace and joy can be found with or without a guy. Once you achieve a mindset I have mentioned Mr.Wonderful just might enter your life because you will be giving off incredible vibes.

    #606253 Reply
    Jenny

    Sorry first if this is a late reply 😐, but I feel that you have to tell him why you are unhappy about being his sugar mama. Just do he will learn the next time he dates someone else. So he know men are expected to pay the cheque.
    It is not hurting his feeling or what so ever, but you should be honest to him.
    Relationships are about honestly right.

    #606289 Reply
    Sam

    It’s obvious that this guy is using you! And you made it clear to him that you’re not looking for anything serious or committed so you basicaly gave him the best of both worlds! He knows that this relationship is going no where so in the mean time he wants to enjoy himself to the fullest before each of you goes his own way, or he finds someone better!
    I say break up with him now that you’re feelings are wearing off before he breaks up with you and you end up devastated.. and broke!

    #606342 Reply
    Maria

    I know this is an old post but people still seem to be interested in discussing so I”m going to weigh in.

    As a woman who wants to be treated as an equal– I always offer to pay my share. if a guy wants to treat me I think that’s lovely! But to expect it??? c’mon ladies, its 2017. We make our own money, we can pay for ourselves.
    I’ve dated men who made quite a bit less than me (i have my own business and do well), as well as guys that make more. Making decisions based on $$ when you should be making them based on the persons character is absolutely superficial.

    I think it’s gross, frankly, and a terrible double standard that leaves men not having a clue what is expected of them.

    #618066 Reply
    Love

    Money and lifestyle is important to you and you need to find a partner that can afford the lifestyle you want. Money is never a little thing. If figuring out who pays for dinner is an issue, than imagine when it comes to figuring out how to afford a lifestyle together, like home, children, etc. etc. I can understand how this guy may be somewhat confused ….guys get mixed messages about who pays, and given that you are making more money than him, perhaps he sees this as fair. In that case it comes down to values. I don’t see a future for you together, given this.

    #618088 Reply
    peggy

    To deal with the original question-In her case, If he is great otherwise ,(though I think stinginess can translate to other areas like emotionally etc.)I would try to say something to him. Maybe like” You are a great guy,but I feel like we have different ideas about money any spending habits. What are your thoughts on spending for dates etc. Then see if you can get a better read on him and this issue.

    #618089 Reply
    peggy

    money and spending habits…

    #618190 Reply
    Hannah

    Women are paid less in their careers on average. They also generally take time off to care for children and/or elderly relatives so they earn even less overall.

    If a man isn’t willing to spend $50 on a date, I’m not going to think he’s a good bet to spend the $100,000 of most often much more it’s going to cost to help me bring up a child. So that’s him out for me. Call it shallow or call it sensible. I call it sensible.

    We always get the man with a chip on his shoulder about money every now and then. It always used to be Jason.

    #620256 Reply
    onkiki

    looks like there is always issues on bf footing the bills for all dates or splitting the costs.
    Qns – does it means splitting the costs for all dates = stinginess in his loves, cares, etc going forward?
    Just to share, Im dating a guy who insist on splitting costs for the main meals for all dates but he will pay for drinks or desserts after that. He will always come to the food zone near where i stay to meet me for all the dates which means he needs to travels about 1 hour to and fro when he goes back.
    Though it still bothers me with the splitting of the meal costs, his efforts to come to meet me, giving me attentions when im upsets and trying to comprises me even though i do so too holds me back.
    So its really managing ones expectation and priorities i guess.

    #620257 Reply
    onkiki

    to add on, most of my friends who are in the old schools have advice i dump him as they see him as stingy and will in future stingy in his loves too.

    #620414 Reply
    Cheapo

    If he is cheap, then dump him.
    There are lots of men around who are single and not cheap.

    #620415 Reply
    Crisula

    Sandra

    That’s THE top turnoff for me

    #621504 Reply
    Dee

    I am dating a younger man he is very sweet and giving me a lot of attention but I should have listened to my gut he is a bit of a whiner and a baby and it’s getting to me and the cheap thing is almost making me explode
    Every time we eat dinner we take turns but it seems when it’s my turn is always more expensive I own my own home and he lives with his mom and dad I pay all my own bills and he has a full time job I think it’s time to move on what do you think ?

    #621619 Reply
    Sherri

    If he is still living with his mom and dad … I would dump him. Maybe he is just looking for a replacement mom who will wait on him hand and foot and provide him with sex as well.

    #621676 Reply
    Nat

    Dee, dating younger men is almost always more trouble than fun. They need to be head over heels in love with you for it to work out. And a man needs to be tactful and considerate in the first place. Otherwise a woman always gets hurt.

    When it comes to paying, women want to be pampered and when a guy invites you out and pays for dinner it is a gesture of courtship, he shows you he values you and wants to pursue you, What woman does not want courtship? so it is not about the money. Paying for dinner and tickets in public is still expected of a man, not a woman. But these days a woman should reciprocate and do something nice for a man in return. I always offer to pay my share but my rule of thumb is that if a man agrees to that he is not *really* into me.

    #621706 Reply
    lalaland

    A man taking money from you to pay him back for your meal/date is such a huge turn off? I mean, If he cant afford $10 for your meal and $10 for his at Applebees, Smashburger, wherever, then maybe he wont be getting many dates!!! I’m 55 and I have never had a man ask me to pay my own way or pay him back for my meal. If one said that to me, I would run in the other direction and never look back, There are so many other men, to date, that are NOT cheap, dont waste your time lowering yourself to pay for your own meal. A man paying $20 for the meal is not much, and it shows he is interest in you, NOT taking you for granted!

    #621897 Reply
    Shoshannah

    lalaland have you ever thought that YOU ACCEPTING HIM TO PAY shows that you cannot afford your 20 bucks meal? that you only want to use him for money? that you are so desperate that you will take any guy, given that he is paying? that he can treat you as poorly as he wants to just because he can pay, and you can’t? there was another thread about this not long ago; in my environment that’s how it works – a good, classy man with a position will of course offer to pay, but if you don’t at least try to decline his offer, there won’t be a second date.

    #622126 Reply
    Paula

    I was 30 years old and dating a 39 years old. It was a huge turn off that he constantly sticking his hand to wait for me to hand him the money from my purse so he can pay for the meal. I was going to pay for myself only and he expect me to pay for his too.
    Never again.
    He should go home and stay there and never date again.

    #622127 Reply
    Paula

    This thread is by far the most popular.
    It shows that how important it is in dating world that men should pay for dates. I would assume that most of the people here are women too;)
    Good job girls !
    Please keep up the good work and train the men to pay!

    #747510 Reply
    Sourgal

    I just broke up with my boyfriend for the same reason. From very first date he was very slow to get the check, so I got it covered. On second date, he simply told me to pay and asked why I didn’t leave generous amount of tips so I said why don’t you pay for the tip. Not a single penny coming out from him. For all those time together, I was the one to drive to his place to pick him up for a date and go everywhere, I drove him home every time cos he doesn’t have a car. When we had sex, he asked me to pay for condom. I think that’s it. I’ve got so much worth and deserve better. When we broke up he asked how much did I spend on him… what a man.

    #747513 Reply
    anon

    I’ve been in a similar situation twice

    once, i had a high paid job, he was an electrician. We evenutally lived together. I paid the home, water and ligts, food etc, he lived there rent free. He however spent all his money on taking me out, spoiling me, buying drinks for the house etc. He also fixed everything in and around the house, constantly made me dinner, left me romantic messages on my car, etc. He really took care of me in each and every way, so i didn’t mind the money

    the second time, he just expected me to do and pay for everything, whilst he sat on his ass, even expected me to make him sandwiches for lunch, because that’s how a woman takes care of her man. He however didn’t contribute anything whatsoever. Sat around and watched TV, and had a few affairs. I told him to take a running jump

    Now, i will not date a man that’s not financially on par with me. I’m older and looking for a life partner, so he needs to have the same values, and ambition as i

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