This topic contains 16 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by T from NY 4 months, 2 weeks ago.
October 8, 2019 at 3:28 pm #775166
Met what I think is a good guy online. we’ve been texting for almost 3 weeks so far and he hasn’t made plans to meet me. I mentioned it twice. I don’t want to seem pushy. He has a career where he is busy and works a lot of overtime and has two kids so he has to juggle a lot. He said we will meet but I don’t know what to think. We vibe very very good through text and text most of the day. Don’t know what to do with this one. It’s just weird to me.October 8, 2019 at 3:39 pm #775169
“Met what I think is a good guy online” wow, you come across naive. Do not make assumptions and judgements based on an online persona. Online, isn’t representative to real life. He may not be that ‘good’ in real life. Drop your expectations & don’t put your eggs in one basket.
A man that wants to meet you, will make arrangements to meet you.
If this is bothering you, I’d simply say to him “Can we lock down a time to meet up because I don’t see the point in communicating online, for nothing”.October 8, 2019 at 3:41 pm #775170
That man is a time waster.
He likes the emotional support texting idea of you. Yet has been unable to find 30 minutes for a quick coffee date or drink? Consider this- men interested in dating take quick action to book a date with you. I have online dated for too long and pretty much 100% of the men I have met in person have planned a date with me within 1 week of first connecting.
I would cut the texting and send this text “Look, I enjoy texting you, but I am looking to actively date. Let me know when you have time to meet in person. If not, best of luck in your search.”
I hope you are meeting other men still. You can wait for this guy if you want, but do not make the mistake of only talking to him.October 8, 2019 at 5:20 pm #775174
I have so much to say about this. OP this is a total waste of your time! Actually more than that- thus is no good for your heart! You’re attached , its oozing out from your post. You haven’t met, and there’s no plans to do so. In three weeks? Yet you text all day? This is company- nothing more.
Please pull right back here. Pull away before you have a real problem because women get hurt with this pen pal arrangement. Unless he puts a meet up in the table this man is a waste of your emotionsOctober 8, 2019 at 5:21 pm #775175
Have you even spoken on the phone or FaceTimed?October 8, 2019 at 6:12 pm #775179
The man explained to you over messaging that he has kids and a busy job.
So WTF is he doing wasting a nice lady’s time online?
By continuing to message him you are showing that you are flakey.
Because a real woman would not waste time yakking.
He obviously tries this with any female he can get online, and the others have dropped out because he’s all talk.
You are the only sucker left that will talk but not meet.October 8, 2019 at 6:30 pm #775181
It’s funny, one thing that turns me off IMMEDIATELY on a dating site is when a man states he works all the time.
When a man’s opening statement in the first few messages is , I’m super busy with work and kids….
I move on like now. I want somebody who has time for me.
Yes, an upwardly mobile man will work a lot.
But I notice men who are subconsciously emotionally unavailable will emphasize how busy they are as an unspoken forewarning.October 8, 2019 at 7:55 pm #775184
I definitely wouldn’t have high expectations. If were me, I would either move on now or start ignoring his messages, and after a couple messages, if he hasn’t asked to meet, move on, as it is a waste of time.October 9, 2019 at 1:43 am #775197
Be careful! He might be a catfish!October 9, 2019 at 10:17 am #775213
I think u can tell him straight that its been 3 weeks yet no meeting. so lets go slow on texting till we meet in person and see how things are in real. if he persists in messaging you pls ignore those. this is a waste of time. I would suggest that you also do a background check of him on social media and verify if he is indeed who he says he is.October 9, 2019 at 11:08 am #775218
He’s marriedOctober 9, 2019 at 12:36 pm #775211
Hello, thanks for the replies so far. I went to Highschool with him. He was a senior and I was a Freshman. We weren’t friends but I know exactly who he is. He didn’t state on his profile that he’s always busy. He basically told me he’s going with the flow and is open to a relationship if it comes to that. He’s firefighter. He’s been one for 13yrs and works a lot of overtime and getting a major certification at the moment. On his free time he likes to spend it with his daughters that are 8 and 6. I just wanted to give you guys some back story. I don’t want to pressure him into meeting me I guess it will happen when it happens. He is not the only person I am talking to but he is my favorite to say the least. He has a career, owns his own place, has his s**t together. As apposed to some of the men I know. So yea. There is the backstory. Thanks againOctober 9, 2019 at 12:54 pm #775227
If in 3 weeks, he can not find a way to meet you, it is not going to get any better.
Also, do not play games. Tell him that you enjoy texting, but would like to find a time to meet in person soon. I do not think it is pushy to protect your time and protect yourself from investing in a guy who is not making time for you.October 9, 2019 at 1:46 pm #775234
I agree with anon. If in 3 weeks he has not found the time to meet you for a cup of coffee, how will he find time for a relationship? He can text you all day, but can’t spare you 1 hour for a meeting? If he were motivated to meet, he would have already suggested it.
It’s not pushy at all to state what you’re looking for. It will save you a lot of wasted time and possible hurt feelings.October 9, 2019 at 1:51 pm #775236
Also, it is REALLY easy to idealize people if you just text them and it impacts the chance you will give other guys. You see this guy as a great dude, he texts, you feel close, other guys do not even come close so you do not show them the interest you should and potentially miss opportunities. Then if you meet this guy in person and he falls flat, it is a huge let down.
I have been on dates with many a guy who were bad texters, but the in person chemistry was fabulous. Vice versa, I have texted guys and it has been like *wow* this guy gets me, then I meet and it’s like OH, yeah, nope sorry for your time.October 9, 2019 at 3:07 pm #775242
the busy man and the 2 kids = a man who is unavailable.
You haven’t even met him & already you’re not happy. Why progress?October 9, 2019 at 4:55 pm #775258
T from NY
I am really saying this in a spirit of sisterhood — but I’m sorry your standards are so low. Truly. A man who has his sh*t together would never pen pal a lady. He would be a man and set up a date. ESPECIALLY a woman he is already an acquaintance with and who has given the green light to meet at least two times. Don’t be so impressed with him being a first responder. Some can really be self-absorbed. Be more impressed with his ACTIONS instead of his texts.
Agree with others and I think Anon would said to say – “Hey. I really enjoy talking to you. But I’m looking to actively date. Good luck on your certification and let me know if you ever wanna meet up!”
But the fact you have to even say that after 3 weeks should make him the man you like LEAST on your list. Look out for you. You’re worth dating for real.