January 13, 2016 at 1:51 pm #497368
I have been seeing this guy for the past 8 months now and we have literally texted everyday throughout the day since we started talking. We also usually would hang out once every week to every two weeks. And he did tell me sometimes that he missed me when he couldn’t see me. I have met his friends multiple times and he has met my friends and my parents. He even came as a plus one to my friend’s wedding which he had an awesome time at. I really did think our relationship was moving towards becoming boyfriend and girlfriend but we never did have the “talk.” Then all of a sudden he stopped texting me first for the past week, so I would text him first. Last week he did answer my texts and they were pretty normal for the most part. But now he won’t answer or text me at all. I even texted him asking if he was okay, but still didn’t get an answer. Can anyone let me know your advice on what else I can really do? Thanks!January 13, 2016 at 2:04 pm #497376
How did you two meet? Is he online or do you know if he’s dating others? If you haven’t had the talk about being bf/gf and you are acting like a gf already. Why should he invest or do anything to keep you, he already has you acting and doing things as a gf would do. Maybe he is just getting bck to his routine, he may be relaxing and wanting “me” time which is quite healthy. you don’t need to talk to someone every single day after 8 months unless you are married and live together. 8 months a man should know whether or not he wants to continue with you or keep you dangling around. Have you met his family?January 13, 2016 at 2:14 pm #497382
Well you can’t really do anything, it’s his choice if he doesn’t want to continue anymore. You can send one last text just saying that you’ve assumed it’s over and good luck, but I personally wouldn’t bother if I were you. He didn’t even have the decency to break things off formally.
Let this be a lesson though. It shouldn’t take a man man 8 months to ask you to be bf/gf, and he still never brought it up after all this time. Also, seeing each other only once every week or two is not enough to build a relationship. Sounds to me that he liked you but didn’t consider you gf material.January 13, 2016 at 2:30 pm #497394
Unfortunately I think he just ghosted you. I guess it suited him just fine tol have this not really commited relationship with you. He had his fun ..either he is bored or else he found someone else. Let hm go, and please dont write him unless he writes you backJanuary 13, 2016 at 2:37 pm #497399
Sarah 8 months knowing someone to me deserves more than just a ghosting even if you were not his GF per say!
If you reached out asking what was wrong already I would not do it again. At this point either 1. something happened to him or 2. he is ignoring you.
If it is the #2 then he is not a nice guy. I would suggest that if he does contact you…”depending on his excuse” you need to ask him where you two stand at this point and not settle for anything less than a commitment from him.
Good Luck!January 13, 2016 at 2:42 pm #497402
Why on earth would you see someone only once a week or less for 8 months? That is not a boyfriend, that is a dude biding his time. Please please please look at your dating habits and explore why you would put up with this!!!!January 13, 2016 at 2:52 pm #497408
I’m sorry this happened. Delete his number & delete your text thread so you aren’t tempted to text him & also it’s good to delete the texts so you don’t look back & analyze. I know this hurts but it’s common nowadays unfortunately. I’ve had a guy I knew for about a decade do that to me if it makes you feel any better. Get busy with other things to keep your focus off thinking about him like hobbies, read a book, watch tv, go out with your girls etc. Basically anything but trying to figure out what happened because it will just keep you in a negative mindset & make you feel awful. It probably means he’s done but you never know so just be sure to not contact him & delete him. Never let him see you sweat. If you use social media be sure not to post anything that indicates you’re upset. Act happy & like nothing happened. I bet the second you forget him, he’ll contact you. That always happens.January 13, 2016 at 6:44 pm #497504
Thanks for everyones help with this!
I did meet him online and I’m not sure if he was seeing anyone else but during our relationship I was scared to ask him that question thinking that would scare him away. I just assumed that he was dating other girls, so I dated other guys here and there while I was with him but it was never as great or as serious as it was with him. I did meet some of his family but it was just kind of casually, and he always just introduced me to his friends as this is Sarah.
There was an issue because I always had to initiate us hanging out, I only did this because I know he’s not a planner and I really liked on making plans in advance. But most of the time he was busy with other things and he is very into his friends and always seemed liked his plans with his friends came first.
There were still things that he did and said to me that I knew he liked me, and I really liked everything else about him, so of course I still always kept my hopes up.
I’m still friends with him on Facebook, and haven’t seen anything on there so I know he’s most likely okay. But I definitely will only post happy things on there.
I do realize that there were some issues and maybe he really didn’t want a girlfriend and maybe I was becoming too much of a girlfriend to him. I just wish that he could have told me that instead of ghosting me after 8 months. I’m still debating on reaching out to him and telling him to be straight up with me.
I just don’t know if I will hear from again, but if I do he better have a damn good excuse.January 13, 2016 at 7:01 pm #497506
His actions are being straight with you, pay attention.January 13, 2016 at 9:34 pm #497543
I’m so glad I found your post. I’ve been looking all over the Internet trying to figure out what’s going on with guy. My story is pretty much the same but I have been with him for a year this month. We also met online and we both were blown away when we found out we were from the same small town (1 stop light) In our profiles we both had listed a big city which is an hour from our real location. We thought it was fate because what are the chances of us both being on the same dating website and the one person we felt any connection to ends up living 5 miles from us. We talked around a month before we decided to meet in person. We both admitted we felt a strong connection, we felt like we had been friends for years. Anyway I’m sorry for all the small details so let me it to it. After our first date we seen each other at least 2 or 3 times a week. He would text me every morning and throughout the day, this lasted for the first 7 to 8 months. Then he told me he loved me, he knew I had fallen for him but I hadn’t come out and said it yet. When he told me I thought he was joking so I said “whatever” I think this scared him because I didn’t say it back. The next day I told him I loved him and he didn’t say it back to me. This is the point everything seemed to change, he stopped seeing me as much. At this point we were seeing each other once a week but we still talked everyday but it wasn’t like before I could tell he was changing. He has a great job but he is on call most of the time and has to work a lot of overtime so this was his excuse for not being able to see me (it never stopped us from seeing each other before). As of now we only see each other every other week or so and we don’t hardly talk at all In between visits. He knows I love him more than anything and my heart is broken. His friend told me several times to be careful that he was a good guy but used women. I never saw that and I still don’t think he was using me then. As of the past month I do feel used and mistreated. How can he love me and just cut his feelings off. We had gotten so close we told each other things about ourselves that we hadn’t told anyone else we weren’t just a couple we were also best friends . I know he loved me but I don’t think he does anymore I think he pushed me away so he would loose the love he had for me. He went 8 days without responding to my text I begged him to answer me but he didn’t. He finally did text me this past Saturday and he acted like nothing had happened. He came over and I told him I loved him and he was breaking my heart he seemed remorseful. I’m so depressed I don’t care about anything anymore. I’ve been in love 3 times and I’m 34 the other 2 guys died one was robbed and killed the other had a boating accident plus my father had just passed away right before I met this guy online. He knows how bad I’ve been hurt. Why would he do this? I’ve done nothing but love and respect him, I never nagged him and we never argued. I think he is using me now and what I said to him Saturday went in one ear and out the other because he has ignored me since. I’m not bragging but he knows I have guys begging to take me out he has seen and heard it for himself. I don’t know if I’ll get over this my heart can’t take anymore hurt. So if you were me (anyones advice is welcomed) what would you do? Should I start Ignore him and pray he comes around or forget about him (I don’t know how I can with the way i feel about him so please give me some advice on how to do that too). I’m embarrassed to say but I’m a professional counselor myself and I don’t know what to do!! I feel hopeless I don’t have any children and that is the one thing I’ve always wanted but I found out last year it wouldn’t be possible because of a blood clotting disorder I have. I’ve been through a lot and I’ve always been a strong person but I don’t know if i can take much more I feel like I’ve lost everything thats meant anything to me (except my mom). I’m just gonna keep praying for God to give me the strength. Please give me advice I know most people would say forget about him but please understand I don’t fall in love easy and I’m head her heels in love with him I don’t wa t to live without him. He brought back happiness in my life I thought I would never have again. Thank you all for taking the time to read this and please I’m begging for advice!!January 13, 2016 at 11:53 pm #497554
i really want to tell you my story. my boyfriend dumped me as a teenager and i just cried. he died at 42 yesterday of cancer. God does everything for your good. trust him.January 14, 2016 at 12:26 am #497556
I’m truly hoping I misunderstood your post because it sounded like you are saying you are glad your ex died of Cancer – because he broke up with you,
I can’t possibly be reading that right, can I?January 14, 2016 at 12:40 am #497559
not glad he died of cancer but very very glad i did not marry him. just escaped. :-)January 14, 2016 at 3:33 am #497568
@sarita..how is this post connected to what sarah or amy have posted? we all have to die someday. some earlier then others.. so now u happy and don’t mind that he dumped u when you were a teenager simply bec he died at 42? wow that’s great logic not.
Sarah unfortunately there is not much u can do.. u will have to find your own closure within you and forget abt him. that would be ideal if u can just walk away and not look bac. or u can just vent out at him and delete his no after that never to connect with him again. but the latter wont really help.
amy. sorry to hear what you going thru. but your putting lot of pressure on one person. you come across as needy and clingy. even if he feels something for you, this added pressure is bound to scare him off. no1 wants to be wholly responsible for another person’s happiness and welfare. your depending on a man for your own inner happiness and feeling for security. I think you really need to heal from your past tragedies before you get involved again. You cant depend on another person for your feeling of well being. let him be. focus on urself. heal. come to terms with what happened in your past.May 2, 2016 at 12:10 pm #529255
I am going through this right now. I met him online and we hit it off and we have been seeing each other for 8 months. He lives an hour away and since he works nights the only day we could see each other was Saturday. He would text good morning and sweet dreams every night.
I have noticed the sweet dreams were getting lesser and lesser. We made plans for this Saturday and Friday night he asked for a raincheck that he had to do some work for his dad. We texted Saturday morning and once at 3 that afternoon and now nothing. I left 2 vms, 1 email and a couple texts, still nothing.
I finally wrote today: I’m really confused I thought things were going great between us, but I haven’t heard from you. Is something going on? Well that was 10:00am this morning and I have received NOTHING. I helped him move into his new townhouse (I have a truck) and every piece of furniture was picked out by US not him. So I hope he thinks of me when he sees it.
You wouldn’t think this kind of crap would happen at age 48 but it does!
I’m gonna try to cut my losses and move on with my life. I hope you can too.May 2, 2016 at 12:21 pm #529257
Seeing a guy for more than 8 months?
I hope you’re also seeing other guys at the same time…May 2, 2016 at 12:25 pm #529258
Are you two BF/GF? 8 months is a long time to have undefined relationship status. This type of behavior is truly unacceptable unless you’re not BF/GF???? Are you??? If not, I’m afraid that he doesn’t owe you anything and you should continue dating others and most of all NOT act like a GF.May 2, 2016 at 12:43 pm #529264
I met his family and friends so stupid of me to assume we were BF/GF. We did have a discussion that we each were not sleeping with anyone else. He probably doesn’t owe me anything but a reason for disappearing would be nice.May 2, 2016 at 1:02 pm #529269
You are dating. You both have the right to come and go and see others whenever. What is not a realistic is having certain expectations outside of BF/GF. Yes, it is basic human courtesy to not just disappear and even more so when it’s been 8 months and that’s the risk of undefined dating status for 8 months. It breeds expectations and hopes that may or may not be there to get you to where you wanted to be in the first place. I would say that the time for the “talk” is way past due. If I were in your shoes, I would have that talk to see if you are on the same page and what are you two supposed to be. Don’t wait another week or a month as you are just delaying meeting your goal. If your goal to have a bf, then you must not date for 8 months and have everything (physical and acting like a couple when you are in fact not) but a defined status.May 2, 2016 at 1:43 pm #529273
Sounds to me like he might have been seeing someone else as well as you during the 8 months. He did not want to have to explain himself so he just ghosted on you. Very cowardly way of dealing with things but some men are just too afraid to get into how upset you are going to be.
Had this happen to me as well. Met someone online, he was a little distance away. Daily texts and phone calls continued up until the 5 month mark. At that time the texts were intermittent until they halted all together. Tried to call and text to no avail.
I stopped contact all together. Went back online to the dating site where we met and discovered his profile is still active and he has been logging in regularly over a period of 5 days. I hid my profile just after I started dating him.
Cannot say for sure this is what happened to you. But it is very, very odd that after that length of time he has gone completely MIA with no explanations. Do you know any of his friends or family members? If you met him online, is his profile still showing activity?
I empathize with what you are going through. In my case, he did come around to text me suddenly after almost two months. At that point I no longer cared and ignored his contact attempts.May 2, 2016 at 2:57 pm #529287
Let him go. My BF did this to me after 14 mths. I didn’t meet him online. I had known him and his family for 15 years. All the ‘I love yous’ ‘I adore yous’ a family holiday booked that he paid for in full but he still ghosted. It’s not easy but I know that I deserve more than someone who can just cut and run like that, so even if he comes back I could never trust him or rely on him again and neither could you. You will always be worrying everytime he misses a call or doesn’t answer a text. You need someone who is 100% there with no need for worry or insecurity. Good luck and stay strong. You will thank yourself for it in the end xxMay 2, 2016 at 3:09 pm #529290
You’re sure he’s not lying in a ditch somewhere?May 2, 2016 at 3:10 pm #529292
When I read a story like yours, it reinforces my belief and my approach to any relationships is that to live it and enjoy it for that moment only and the next day is a new day. I may be too cynical but it has helped me tremendously in managing my expectations. I even occasionally mention it to my BF of 11 months that his words are only as good as his actions and for that moment in time. He just chuckles and tells says, “you and your rules” and then kisses me.
I maintain that approach and attitude as people have every right to change their minds and feelings ANYTIME. I am not condoning ghosting as I believe that speaks a lot to the character of tat person and personally, I would be more than happy to cut ties and never want them in my life nor do they deserve any more minutes of my time.
The point that I want my BF to be clear is that, never take for granted your SO. Stay loving and respectful consistently and diligently. If the relationships stop giving you fulfillment, it’s time to go.May 2, 2016 at 3:45 pm #529300
I agree. I don’t want to be cynical about relationships but I do believe that being strong enough to walk away when you need to sets you up for a better experience. My life doesn’t revolve around having a man and if i dont have someone I can rely on to be in it 100% then I’d rather be ony own. It drives me crazy when I see women (and men) settling for sub standard treatment just for the sake of being in a relationship.
Ghosting is never good but it is just as strong a message to you as someone physically saying “I don’t want to be with you” so you need to accept it and move on. Not everyone finds it so easy but it really is the only thing to doSeptember 3, 2017 at 7:25 pm #652085
I am living the exact same thing right now. Sarah, could you please tell me how it ended up? Thanks
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