Over Before It's Even Begun?


Home Forums Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals Over Before It's Even Begun?

This topic contains 6 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  tammy 1 month, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #785497 Reply

    Anon

    Sorry .. mini-essay below lol:

    Basically met a guy on online over 4 weeks ago, instant connection .. to the point nearly over a week into contacting each other we admitted like a connection for each other, and even to the point, he told me some secrets which he said he had to tell me as he started having genuine feelings to the point it was scaring him. We then met up and I dunno like I have relationship experience but honestly meeting his guy in person.. I’d never felt like I have before with someone I first met .. I felt instantly comfortable, I can’t even explain it really… during the night he admitted he was really scared as he didn’t expect us finally meeting in person to feel so ‘easy’, and comfortable. He then got bad anxiety from our time together and kept freaking out about us and what to do.. the next day we messaged and he said he was petrified, as he didn’t expect our connection to be so strong in person straight away.. and everything felt so real for him. Likewise for me..

    He then told me the reason he moved back to near my home town from a big city was because of personal mental health issues/anxiety he was having. And basically meeting/connecting with me wasn’t part of his plan so to say. He said he had promised his family he would focus on himself for 3 months as he didn’t want to let them down as he owed them this. He told me he didn’t tell me about his 3 month deal with his family at the beginning of us connecting as he didn’t expect to feel so strongly as he did in person with me. He then asked if he could work on himself for the 3 months as he promised – to find a job, refresh and be happy with himself again and fight off his anxiety, so then he would be better for me aswell and make sure we are both 100% invested in each other, so now he wants space. We did try communicating still – just general chat but it got to the point it was too much for both of us and he just wants to build and let me give him those 3 months to build. I’ve been finding it hard and slipping up and occasionally messaging, even tried to give him an out and forget about me and us but he wouldn’t take it. He said when he talks to me he is mentally at square one again and he just wants me to respect his wishes and give him the 3 months he has asked for – but I don’t understand why only talking to me would do that..? Unless he does genuinely feel as strongly for and is scared as I am.. he also said that when I message it just makes him sad.

    Do I hold out for the 3 months? I want to.. I figure this will give me a chance to work on myself also – and if this is meant to be between us then we will be bought back together. Or has he just played me? I figure with the stuff he has told me personally he has been genuine the whole time and he said he would’ve been straight up with me if he wanted an out.

    Any opinions/feedback/similar experiences would be helpful, thanks

    #785498 Reply

    Raven

    Do you want to date a man or a 14 year old?

    #785500 Reply

    Anderson

    Sometimes pure no-contact is critical to allow some males, myself included, to think things through. If he doesn’t feel stable emotionally, financially etc it may be impossible, and probably even a bad idea to start a relationship with him.

    I can somewhat relate to his situation. There’s a big difference if I’m already in a rship and hit am struggling in something life (much easier to manage and often the support is great and helpful) vs if I’m courting someone and don’t feel like I’m on my two feet in whatever ways. The latter is incredibly hard and I just want to be left alone to deal with it.

    When I was in college I was too insecure to be in a relationship because I was self-funded, beater car, and living with my sister. And evne though I was paying half the rent/expenses I felt ashamed at not having my own place/privacy and didn’t feel comfortable enough to invite any girl. It sounds stupid but it was a silly insecurity. Even casual dating was a struggle because of this. In the end the two girls I did end up dating in college, I felt that’s only because the chemistry/hormones overpowered my insecurities. They didn’t “convince” me. It was still my decision.

    I too don’t think he’s playing you. Let him have his space. I’ll be blunt though, there’s a chance he may never return after the 3 months for various reasons. But it also is also the only real chance for something to happen between you two. I understand the strong temptation to contact him, others get it too, but giving in and contacting him is rather ruining the small chance of anything happening at all between you two. Agreed, it’s not a great position for you to be in or fair to you- half-waiting for him to come back. But you don’t have to wait. I’ve disappeared once for a girl (one of the two in college) and requested no-contact for a month. In the end I did come back and glad she took me but it would’ve been 100% justified if she didn’t. You can start moving on and you should. When and if he comes back, then you can cross that bridge when you get there and decide if you still have strong feelings for him and want to pursue something with him.

    #785510 Reply

    Grace12

    1. Respect his wishes and do not contact him. Wait for him to contact you.

    2. Do not wait around for this person to come back into your life on his white stallion. That’s just forfeiting three months of your life to a stranger.

    3. Live your life as though he is never coming back. If you spend the next three months fantasizing about how wonderful your reunion is going to be and how wonderful your future with this man is going to be once he gets his act together you are setting yourself up for a major heartbreak.

    4. If he contacts you in three months, take it slowly. Judge him by his actions, not his words and promises. Good luck!

    #785520 Reply

    Newbie

    I have a hard time believing this guy but also fail to see the attraction you feel for him. So he moved and didnt want to date for a while but the first thing he did was hook up with you online. And then only after you meet, he remembers his anxiety and wants a 3 month cooling. After one date? This guy is a nutjob and you are not doing much better honestly. He is asking for a 3 month break and you cant even respect that. Not even when he says talking to you brings him back to square one. I would be totally insulted by that and wish him all the best healing from whatever. He sure isnt ready to date or a good prospect

    #785527 Reply

    peggy

    Hi-100% agree with Newbie. why is this guy even on a dating site,if he backtracks the minute he meets someone he supposedly likes a lot? He is either not really that into you,and making excuses or he is not near “ready for primetime.”
    Go not contact him again- wait to see if he comes around in a few months-which I doubt he will… then proceed with extreme caution. This is the type of guy to waste more of your time-start dating you again and acting all into it,then suddenly pulling the plug again.

    #785554 Reply

    tammy

    i think both of you need a break. from each other and generally from dating.

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