This topic contains 4 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Leo 6 months, 1 week ago.
April 20, 2020 at 2:24 pm #789754
He and I are from different cities, 2.5 hours away. We met on a dating app. We were chatting for 2 months or so. In the very beginning, we discussed it – I said I’m interested only in a serious relationship or a friendship maybe, but nothing in between like casual dating and hooking up. He said he wasn’t looking for a serious relationship, so we decided to be just friends.
We were very honest and used to text each other back and forth almost everyday. I noticed a LOT of things about this chat or about him only after 2 months … He would be very curious and show a lot of interest in my dating life, asking way too many questions about the guys I dated, how it went, what I felt about them, what I decided to do, how close I got to each one of them … He showed a LOT of interest, and he’d remember every single detail I told – what kind of guys I liked, what I’d find attractive and what I’d hate, which one of my crushes were from my city and which ones from different cities, etc. He’d remember every minute detail, all of which I didn’t notice at all for two months because my life was all fun and happening!
Then quarantine happened. Our lifestyles changed. He said he had more work in WFH than he’d otherwise have because he’s in the essentials sector. And I had hardly any work. The lockdown slowly made me go mad, and one day, out of the blue, I realised that I found him sexually attractive! What the hell! Photos he’d shared much earlier, I looked at them and he appeared like a hunk suddenly! I used to reread messages and text him more and more, and he’d text back less because he was busy …
In the meantime he’d been calling me over to his place several times, and each time we’d joke about how lazy we are, so I’ll tell him to come here, and he’ll invite me, and both would joke that we won’t, only the other person should travel because we’re “lazy”. I honestly didn’t care or think Seriously about it for two months …
Then I found my courage one day and texted him long messages asking him what exactly he wanted … He didn’t reply immediately but later laughed and said “did we not discuss it already?”. Finally he made it clear that he wasn’t ready for a relationship or isn’t looking for one, so we’ll be friends (and also asked me if I’m hurt. I laughed off and said no.)
Then I started calling him, and on days when he’d answer, he’d talk playfully just like our very playful, innocent chats during the first two months … And suddenly he’d end the call saying he has work, so he’ll call “later”. Text messages reduced. Calls and texts, he never initiated. Only I had to initiate!
My guy friends say he’s simply looking for sex. Maybe. But during the two month chat, not once did he bring up sex. Either he’s a skillful player or a true gentleman! He’s leading his regular, normal life – work, cooking, eating, drinking with one or two colleagues, watching TV, sleeping … If I call, mostly he might not answer or if he answers, a playful chat.
One day, a few weeks ago, I fought with him saying he’s making time for everything else but me, and I was irrational. I said the usual angry, “goodbye” thing. And then I apologized (double stupid of me). But we got back to this same routine.
Then to get over him, I tried to connect with other guys on the app’s, and he’d still be just as curious, asking all questions and remembering every tiny little detail about my preferences and my mindset.
Thought I’ll do the slow fade on him and told him I met a very nice guy and we’ll go on a date after the lockdown, we really like each other, blah blah … Thought he’d leave me. But he started asking too many questions about this guy, too!
And I honestly don’t know how he feels about me. All I know is he’s chatting with a few other women he met on the app. If I listen to some romantic song, I remember him. If I upload a photo, he checks my story immediately. If I crack jokes and pretend like everything’s cool, he’s gonna play along.
I don’t want this … I’m afraid I might fall harder (and if he invites me over and over, I might go to his place) and we might get close or something, and I’ll develop a one-sided attachment towards him while he’ll coolly say he never wanted anything serious and walk away! I don’t want this. My logical side says he clearly doesn’t like me romantically.
But my emotional side likes how much he respects me and how he remembers almost every tiny little detail about me and I keep checking our chat window and his last login every once in a few hours …
I don’t want this. Help me get over this infatuation, please!April 20, 2020 at 2:38 pm #789756
He’s being very clear with you. He’s open to casual hookups or FWB, but doesn’t want a relationship with you. Platonic friendship won’t work because you have feelings for him. The only way to get over this is to cut off contact completely.April 20, 2020 at 5:06 pm #789771
So should I openly talk to him about how I feel request him to go on no contact with me, like never ever send me messages or give me calls in future again, to completely cut things off?
Or should I block him on WhatsApp and phone? (Blocking a nice guy or anyone nice just like that, for no fault of theirs is not something I’ve done so far … It’s sort of difficult for me.)
I don’t know if he’s a decent guy or a player. What if I openly share things with him, and he only toys with my mind more? :/
What’s the best thing to do now?April 20, 2020 at 5:15 pm #789773
It’s up to you how much you want to tell him. He is basically a stranger (it sounds like you’ve never met?), so you don’t actually owe him anything, but you can explain if you want. I’d say something like:
“Hi Bill, I’ve enjoyed chatting with you, but it’s clear we want different things. I’m looking for a serious relationship, and in order to focus on finding that, it’s best for us to cut contact. This is something I need to do for my own well-being and to move on with my life. It’s nothing personal against you. I wish you the best in finding what you’re looking for!”
Then, if he keeps contacting you, block him. I know it’s hard right now, but it really is for the best.April 20, 2020 at 5:21 pm #789775
Thanks much, Miss_A! Now I feel more confident. Will try to get the message across to him.
It’s clear that he’s not that busy, really.
Plus for a few days now, I’ve even been punishing myself for telling the guy that I met another nice guy on the app!
Yeah, 1) he’s a stranger, so neither do I owe him anything nor does he owe me anything, and 2) it’s like he’s looking for a FWB or something, yeah.