Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Married female (now separated) with love feelings for my male best friend
- This topic has 11 replies and was last updated 4 years, 4 months ago by
Dangerouse.
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Suzanne
Hi.
My situation is entirely complicated and somewhat embarrassing. I am currently married; however, very recently separated.
While married my best friend and I dabbled some with Cybersex and grew much closer. At one point, he told me he didn’t want to do that anymore because our friendship was more important. I was devastated because my feelings for him had deepened way beyond “friendship” mode. However, I agreed even though he is always on my mind and my feelings are sincere.
I finally confessed my feelings to him and said that based on my feelings I couldn’t stay with my husband because it isn’t fair to him. He said, “he knew or was pretty sure I had those feelings and was worried he would hurt me”.
(He’s always given mixed signals.. For instance, saying he withdrew some from me to “protect his heart”. He also, says it’s risky to get involved with a friend romantically, but I can’t get him off my mind.
I know he does not want to be that man to break up a marriage and so he wants me to do what’s best for me and what will make me happy. But I am in love with him and I cannot bear the idea of staying married and not having him OR being single and not having him.
We get along so well, talk all the time, and just really enjoy each other’s company, but I’m afraid he will not move out of the friendship zone to let our relationship grow naturally.
Plus, at one time he knows my husband was basically my best friend – so that puts up red flags to him. I am sincere though in my feelings and very honest.
Do you think it is possible he really does want more and is just telling me he doesn’t because I am married?
He is always on my mind and I love everything about this man.
What can I do to show / prove to him that I am serious?Suzanne
I forgot to add.. my husband is madly in love with me and broken by this… and lastly my husband and my best friend work for the same company.
Honeypie
You husband is broken by this? So he knows?
paul ajimhezelu
please,put an end to the love u find in this ur best friend rather transfer it to the love u have for ur husband, so that, it will wax stronger stronger stronger. wish u the best
Suzanne
Yes, he knows. In fact, it was my husband that told me I was in denial about my real feelings for my husband. My husband was telling me for months that what I was experiencing was “love at first sight”.
I was at one point struggling immensely, but when I began to consider and actually explore my true feelings I realized that my husband was right and when I became clean about it I found that I was no longer anxious or struggling.
My best friend has been hurt so much in the past and I love our closeness. I wish it were easier to let go, but I just cannot. I want to grieve with him when it’s time to grieve and celebrate with him when it’s time to celebrate. I want his flaws, his crazy… all of it. He knows this and I feel like the fact that he’s here even after knowing all of this must mean something.
Hind sight n all….
You’re living in a fantasy and it’s selfish. Your madly in love with you husband…wow. Sucks to be him. Has he always been loyal?
Your best friend doesn’t feel the same way and was trying to let you down easy. You got emotionally involved and he took it as entertainment.
The best thing to do is let go for now avoid him until you can get your head right and finalized the divorce.
Raven
You’re living in a fantasy world- Leaving your husband for this guy…
If you’re unhappy with your marriage, by all means leave- but not for this other guy…
Anon
Are there children involved? That certainly complicates things much more. Has your best friend been married? If so, how long since his divorce?
Suzanne
All adult children. I have 2 stepson’s – 23 & 28. The best friend as a 24 year old son.
Best friend has been married & divorced 2 times. Last one was 3 years ago.
Honeypie
Im trying to make sense of what you’re relaying. So I’m reading you’ve ended your marriage because of this, and your husband has guessed your feelings for this friend? Is that right? But this friend is saying no to it ever being more than friends? Is that right?
Anon
I think you need to leave your husband for you. I would take some space between you and your best friend to get yourself straight. That way if you are still interested in being with this best friend, you can start a proper relationship. That would lead to the best outcome. I believe in love at first sight and I think some of the most amazing relationships have come from friendships but I would try to start with a more stable foundation- not married, not cyber sex, and honest with all parties involved.
Dangerouse
Ya know, there a saying about Karma. Everybody says it, but how many people ever stop and say, I am now living the Karma that I have earned.
Karma is always about other people.
I am now living in my Karma, and I accept my crappy situation as the result of my actions.
I think if you don’t straighten out this mess you will get yours. Be faithful, love your husband and drop the fantasy.
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