This topic contains 10 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Ss 6 months ago.
February 12, 2020 at 3:10 pm #785215
Met a new guy recently and we’ve been dating. He texts me when he says, actively makes plans with me ahead of time. I like that. But something recently has me a bit confused. For example, if its Monday, he will nail me down for Thursday plans after work. I leave my Thursday clear. He’s excited to see me. We don’t settle on time or place yet. We get to chatting about other things. He texts me every night to briefly say hi and chat. Its nice. Thursday will come and I sit not sure if we have plans or not. I don’t like to be left hanging. When I ask him about it, he will say of course and he wants to see me. He says how he gets so into his work during the day, he sometimes loses track of time and doesn’t realize we did not set a exact plan. He thinks we have plans since I said yes when he asked. And why would they be cancelled? I like a career oriented guy. He does have a very demanding job. One time he did this,
he texted me right after work, we got together, and all was well. I waited around though all day, like do I have dinner, do I not, do I change clothes? But he did message me so I ran out to meet him. Another time he was so lost in his work, that he postponed with me at the last minute and didn’t leave his office until 8pm. He’s doing it again today. No idea if we have plans. He pinned me down for tonight. I know he has just lost track of time at work. He has lots of meetings. But I like planning my day. What do you think?February 12, 2020 at 3:27 pm #785217
No one is perfect and it’s a good sign that he’s making dates ahead of time. He seems very communicative and attentive. Do you ever ask him what the plans are for the date between the night of the date and the time he asks you? You can also make suggestions like “how about we try restaurant x”.
Having a career is better than no job but a workaholic might be an issue you should be on the look out for.February 12, 2020 at 4:31 pm #785223
I find what you’re describing rude on his part. He locks you down for an evening but with no specific plans, so you’re left waiting until he’s ready to leave work? Then he just expects you to be ready and available? Maybe he’s not intentionally being rude but he needs to be aware that what he’s doing isn’t acceptable. Especially in the early days of dating, he should be on his best behavior!
I think you should communicate with him that you need to be able to plan your day. You have a schedule and a life too, after all. When he “pins you down” for an evening, ask him what he has in mind, or like Warasen said, suggest a certain restaurant at a certain time, etc. Be proactive.
It’s good that he’s asking to see you in advance but you don’t just have to sit there and wait until he messages you, so that you jump up and “run out to meet him”. You’re setting a very bad precedent. He needs to have more respect for your time.February 12, 2020 at 7:00 pm #785233
Next time he doesn’t make the solid plan until right before let him know you made other plans because he never set a time and place in advance.February 12, 2020 at 8:35 pm #785239
I agree with Liz whole heartedly..He does need to respect your time because he’s coming off as a liar or as if he’s making excuses to not go out with you..My job is both mentally & physically demanding,still I make time for whom or what’s important..Even if I have to set an alarm to remind me to return a phone call,pay bills,etc..I try to treat everyone like I would want to be treated..February 13, 2020 at 4:11 pm #785284
I see now that I really don’t think he means it purposely. He communicates genuinely and openly but it just isn’t perfect. Yesterday he waited all day to message me finally telling me he was really sick and leaving work early. He went home took medicine and a nap still hoping to see me later on but warning me that he felt horrible. So he postponed, but kept telling me how much he wished we were together and he is even more mad that he can’t kiss me for a while because he doesn’t want me getting sick. Now its been two weeks since I’ve seen him. But he texts me every night with sadness over it.February 13, 2020 at 4:20 pm #785285
It sounds a little sketchy. Like possibly he’s waiting for something better to come along and if it doesn’t you’re the back-up plan. I would back burner this guy and give minimal responses to him until he actually sets a date. You’re a texting buddy right now- not good at the beginning. If he’s so sick let him get better and don’t initiate anything and let him contact you. If he asks why are you so quiet- just say- waiting for you to get better :)February 13, 2020 at 4:26 pm #785286
Wait, you haven’t seen this guy for 2 weeks?! How long have you been dating? How often do you actually see this guy in person versus just texting?
Something is off with this scenario. You say he’s busy at work, but still. When I first started dating my boyfriend, he had a job where he was working 50-60 hours a week (sometimes he had 12-14 hour work days), not to mention his parenting responsibilities, and he still found time to see me and take me out a couple of times a week.
I’m sorry to be suspicious but there’s something shady about this guy:
1. he’s overdoing the texting (texting you with “sadness” every night because he can’t see you? but he hasn’t attempted to see you for 2 weeks beforehand?
2. he locks you in for a certain evening, but then is mysteriously busy and unable to commit to exact times to see you
3. when he does see you, it’s very last minute and on the fly.
4. He “loses track of time” at work? No guy who’s into you will forget about you during the workday when he has a date planned with you that evening, believe me.
Are you sure this guy doesn’t have a wife or girlfriend? I’m sorry but this stuff just doesn’t add up to me.February 13, 2020 at 6:32 pm #785290
I have the same impression. It’s good when the dates are planned ahead, but planning doesn’t mean only pinning you down for a particular day. It means making actual plans – where do we go, where do we meet, what time exactly and so on. A proper date, such as in a nice restaurant, or to see something, also requires prior booking/buying the tickets. We are going to a nice restaurant tomorrow with my partner and the plan (the exact plan) was made a month ago, because this restaurant requires booking way in advance. So to me this guy sounds just flaky, and asking whether you’re free on Thursday without making any actual plan is nothing but stringing you along.February 13, 2020 at 7:19 pm #785301
Don’t make excuses for this guy …next time he asks you whether you are free on Thursday say yes but if he has not told you the details don’t ask him about it and if he brings it up tell him you didn’t have the details so you made other plans.February 13, 2020 at 8:33 pm #785363
I’m with liz on this. What you describe is just like it was when i was unwittingly dating a married man.
I would sit back and watch now- if he isn’t making a plan don’t push but make damn sure you are busy on that day if an actual plan is not locked down.
Hopefully he is just a bit scatty but I’d have my guard up with this guy