This topic contains 6 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Caetru 1 week, 5 days ago.
October 16, 2020 at 4:22 pm #819414
Hey guys,I recently met a girl from coffee meets bagel. We went on two dates last week. First date was a dinner on a tuesday and we kissed and then second date was the following sat night, where she came over to my place and stayed over. I cooked her dinner, woke up in morning to get eggs to cook for breakfast together. I surprised her with sunflowers that morning.
Come wednesday i asked if she was free the following week and she said she may go hiking with friends, if not she would love to meet up. Wednesday night she texts me saying that I was too dangerous for her. How she wasnt really looking for a serious relationship but liked the idea of developing a long term relationship leading to marriage with the right person. She said that due to me smoking weed and gambling here and there it was a dealbreaker for her. Mind you, i’m a nurse manager, I take my life seriously and physic seriously, and I only do these bad habits every now and then. She goes on saying “you are really attractive to me. you are kind, passionate, and fun. you have a good sense of humor and good shape. I feel like i will fall for you in a few more dates. But we are not the right ones we are looking for.”
I replied with, I’m honestly at the point where I want to settle down with someone and hopefully lead to marriage. I do like adventures and exploring the world but it doesn’t mean I want to do dangerous things. just means I want to site see and see what the rest of the world has. But I do respect your decision and want to say I had a great fun two dates and I wish you the best of luck in the future. Take care.
So basically the deal breaker is my gambling and my use of weed. she says that if her significant other is related to those things she would feel insecure. 15 min later she said ‘while if you don’t mind the idea of casual dating we can hang out”
I replied the next morning with ” I would very much love to see you again, but I am not looking for casual. I rather miss you now than miss you later”
She says ” I’ve really started to miss you”
I didn’t reply after that.
I’m trying to go no contact and see where it goes. Am I doing the right moves?
Can someone break their dealbreakers and still give the guy a chance?
Thanks in advanceOctober 16, 2020 at 4:50 pm #819415
No contact is not meant after two dates but after a longer period where one wants more and the other doesnt. So the one that wants more goes no contact to grieve and let go of the feeling and slowly detach and become grounded again. Some bogus websites thinks it can make the other one come back.
So after two dates its ridiculous. You either let go totally or you ask her out again. If she has issues with you gambling and smoking weed you either give it up, or make her see its very recreational or you realize youre not compatible. Meanwhile keep living your life anywayOctober 16, 2020 at 9:01 pm #819448
This girl is smart.
I would not want to date you if you gambled and smoked weed tooOctober 16, 2020 at 9:19 pm #819449
T from NY
Wow the responses on here! I am not judging you. I mean we don’t have enough information – some people may think “a little bit” of gambling is a few thousand dollars, while others think that means occasionally going to the casino and spending 300 bucks. And some people (myself included) don’t find occasional marijuana use distasteful at all. But everyone is different.
End of the day – if you feel like she’s judging you too quickly and making you out to be something you’re not – that should put you off from wanting to date her. If you really are ready to explore the potential with someone for settling down – it would be emotionally unavailable of you to spend energy on someone who doesn’t take the time to properly get to know you. You would never want a spouse who flipped out over your life choices like that. So my advice would be to move on.
If she continued to reach out – you could just express what I just said – that you feel she jumped the gun on her opinion of you and that you’re looking for someone who takes the time to get to know you. Then if you proceed – do so with caution. She sounds little rigid or immature.October 17, 2020 at 4:38 am #819504
T what is wrong with my response? Im saying the exact same thing as you and somehow im judgementalOctober 17, 2020 at 11:51 am #819567
T from NY
I apologize. I meant to say the last response Newbie. I love your advice! On most topics actually 😊October 17, 2020 at 1:45 pm #819594
This is something that shouldn’t be talked about in a text. Either call or ask her out again and discuss. Honestly, I would be put off if a guy ignored me after I told him that I missed him. It seems like a lot of drama for just 2 dates.