Is it normal to start feeling insecure and question things after a few mths ?

Lane- I wonder if you even still come on this site i saw the post was from 2014..eeek. but you give such great advice i would love to have your input on my situation with a guy that i am so in like with…i met him over a year ago about two years ago and he worked at my daughters school [single mom] i noticed him the first day i was there but i didn’t think he noticed me i had gained a lot of weight and felt invisible to men but to my surprise a few months later he began to make it overly obvious he noticed me staring with the most intense eye contact every single time he saw me. I was uncomfortable but intrigued, it made me feel so good about myself that this man who was so handsome would look at me like i was something special. This went on for a year then finally he began to talk to me in passing saying hi and inserting himself into conversations i would have with others at the school. By this time i was plagued with thoughts of him when i would go home i wondered wth is his name where does he live i would wish to run into him just to make small talk. Finally he approached me one day asking for my number and i gave it. We began talking everyday all day he was so charming attentive and we had a lot in common. BUT i was curious why no asking me out on a date yet i was so eager that i asked him on our first date [im cringing inside right now] yes i asked him out to which eh said yes and we ended up sleeping together that night/…things changed immediately he pulled back i panicked i felt horrible about myself had i not pleased him was i not good enough etc etc…i then tried a few times to make him jealous when i would go out and see him out with his friend, i hoped this would push him to see that other people would take his place if he kept being so complacent. This backfired badly. We’ve had an on and off relationship since he keeps me at a distance and we’ve slept together a few times. Everytime we sleep together i immediately get insecure because i honestly want more than what we are. And i want the feeling back that was there in the beginning where he looked at me like i was special…he is extremely distant after we do sleep together everytime. I want to just have a redo i mean when i met him i hadn’t dated in 5 years i came out of an abusive relationship i had NO IDEA what i was doing that i was doing it all wrong…but idk how to if it is at all possible to turn things around at this point…is it possible to turn things around when you’ve basically screwed everything up?