Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › If he likes me so much, why won't he meet me?
- This topic has 19 replies and was last updated 4 years, 7 months ago by
Danny.
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Laura
I met someone on an online dating site, and we exchanged a few messages and there seemed to be a click. We talked for a couple of days and had a talk on the phone and there was good potential. He asked me on a date right away for that same week and suggested place to go and we made provisional plans.
For reasons in my personal life, I had to cancel the date (family emergency situation) so we rescheduled and he was definitely available to see me anytime and place and excited to do that as soon as possible. However my family situation escalated and I had to leave town for a few months.
I explained to him and he said that he really felt a spark with me and wanted to keep talking while I was away. So we talked every day, by phone, messaging, facetime and we got very close to each other and although I had never met him I definitely developed a close emotional attachment and bond to him over that time.
We had lots in common, a fantastic friendship grew, we both wanted the same things and it really did feel like “wow” to me because the connection was just so great. Over those four months he became closer to me than anyone else in the world and we both said outright we felt this might be something big between us and it was all very cute and we could not wait to meet each other.
Then when I got home and was ready to meet, he suddenly seemed to be putting it off. It’s very clear he is avoiding meeting me in person and creates reasons to avoid that. Nothing has changed in terms of how interested or close he seems to be to me – he seems to be totally invested in me and acts exactly the same, if not even more attentive and affectionate – but he’s avoiding this first date happening.
I don’t think there is anything strange he is hiding, such as being married or being a catfish although admittedly anything could be true because I have never met him! There could be something I don’t know I suppose.
I have asked him about it, and he says he very much wants to meet me but he has a lot going on in his own life (he does have some pretty big stuff) and he also admits he is a bit scared of maybe not being what I want, maybe him making mistakes and things up and he says he has very deep feelings for me that scare him a bit.
I can understand all that, I feel REALLY nervous too, but he has been putting it off for weeks and I feel like fear can surely only be so strong and I don’t get why he is avoiding this happening if he likes me as much as he says he does.
I asked him outright if he just wanted a penpal and he said “no” and that he genuinely wants to be with me and have me be a big part of his life but I don’t think he realises that he’s creating barriers to prevent an actual relationship starting.
What do you think changes from the guy who was all set to go on a date with me to the one who runs away?
Lizy
Give him a deadline. Say, “I like you a lot. However, I want real relationship, not a virtual one. I hope you can make the time to meet me in the next two weeks. If not, I am moving on”.
Assuming he is a real guy and not a catfisher – the only thing that gets a response will be the thought of losing you. Besides, you know you cannot keep living like this.
Miss_Aspiring
I think there’s a good chance he’s not who he says he is. People can “be” anyone they want when hiding behind a computer screen. His words say he wants to meet, but his actions say the opposite. What does that tell you?
This is why it’s SO important not to get emotionally invested in anyone before at least a few promising dates. The more you chat, the more you develop this imaginary “connection”… And the higher your expectations get. It’s possible he’s just worried the connection won’t be there in person (and it very well may not be). Whatever his reason, he’s made it pretty clear he only wants a virtual relationship with you (look up e-tethering). If you want a real-life relationship, find someone else.
Sherri
You wont believe the number of profiles I have seen online where the pic of the guy is not his real pic. How do I know this? It is because the pic they used is that of an actor (not very famous) from my home country. Also some of the pics used are of actors when they were young (the actor now is over 70 years old).
So stop wasting your time on a virtual relationship. If a guy doesn’t ask you out in 2 weeks, drop him!! And if he is too busy to meet even the 1st time, how is he going to have time if you guys get into a relationship? If you are interested in dating your phone or computer then why do you need a man on the other end?
Phillygirl
This is nothing but a fantasy! You haven’t even met the man, so any connection you think you feel isn’t even real at this point.
It’s impossible to be anything meaningful when you’ve spent no time in each other’s company.
Another example of a woman getting sucked in by pretty words, and no real substance.
I agree that it’s likely he isn’t who he says he is. It’s called catfishing and there is even a TV show about it.
Please forget this, this isn’t real. And in the future, if you can’t meet someone in person within the first couple weeks, you cut if off right then.
Cindy
I don’t know if he’s a phony or not, but I can tell you this from experience – when you meet it will probably be a let down. I do not spend much time communicating with a guy I’ve met online once we’ve made a date. You just have to go and see what happens. This just happened to me and reminded me I must follow my own rules no matter what. I’d been messaging with a guy and then talking on the phone – on paper we had loads in common, his pics were cute, etc. He started texting every day and we’d talk at least every other day, against my better judgment. Due to our travel schedules, it took us 6 weeks to get a time to meet. And when we went out on Saturday night, it was a bust. I didn’t feel the chemistry we had on the phone at all. I wasn’t physically attracted and he kept telling me how beautiful I am, which was very uncomfortable. I had questioned whether he really had time for a girlfriend once on the phone – he has his own business – and he got very defensive… and it turned out his last GF just broke up with him a few months ago and his ex-wife left him for the reason that he wasn’t around enough, always working. And the kicker: his ex wife texted him while we were out at dinner and he told me about it! He said she wanted to go on a date with him, and that meant she wanted money. I almost ran away. Whoa. None of this came out. I broke my own rules and paid for it. The formula is, talk a little and agree to meet and then do it. Too much talk creates too much of an early bond that is almost impossible to be real.
I’d tell him that when he has a firm date to meet, let you know but otherwise you’re cutting communication.
Cindy
I mean, none of this information had come out before.
Phillygirl
Cindy, you are nicer than me.
If I was on a date, and the guys ex wife texted him about wanting to go on a date…and he told me all that, I would have gotten up, ended the date immediately, and left.
Life is much too short for such nonsense
T from NY
Yes take it from women who’ve been there — meeting someone online and then texting, chatting and video timing is absolutely NO substitute for real life. When I was on several different sites I didn’t give men more than two weeks to meet me or I moved on!! Specifically because no matter how awesome it felt or seemed — virtually — there were also so many meetings that turned into completely different storys and NOT the happy endings kind!
It is a GIANT red flag that he is now saying he’s afraid to meet up when you describe that you’ve each mutually been excited about this meeting. It is almost absolute certainty this guy is not what he has told you.
I agree with above — give him a hard and fast deadline. LOWER your expectations for the meeting (if he sets one) and RAISE your standards and practices in the future. You are real live woman who deserves real live love — not Disney fantasies.
Limbo
Is this man’s name Dale? I am in a very similar situation. This guy has no time for me.,.works a job and has his own business. Always working…
HHis exwife also asks for dates when she needs money. This is pathetic. I can’t believe I let myself get here. We have been talking for 6 months.we have made multiple attempts at meeting and each time one of us couldn’t. Do some men just feel like they need all their ducks in a row before they dive in? All I want is a meet & greet, I’m dating other people since he is just moving too slowly for nextRaven
Why are you still engaging with this guy?
Shannon
No. Men should be excited to meet you. Men are visual creatures who need physical closeness. If he doesn’t want to meet up with you, something is wrong, and you should stop wasting your time.
Danny
I met” someone on a site. We exchanged a lot of mesaages for a very long time…almost 2 years. He always said that he had feelings for me but…he refused to meet me. I was such confused because he also was afraid to send me any picture of him pretending ” i am ugly” …i always try to make him feel comfortable by saying that i do not care if he’s ugly i just wanted to see him and to meet him. Also he didn’t want to call in the phone…i dont understant…was any old man or was married or both.
Raven
2 YEARS?! Why…
tammy
lady whats wrong with you? 2 years is a real long time. have you seen his profiles on social media? his profile on linked in? how far do u stay from each other? do u have common friends? if he hasn’t met you despite claiming to be single than it means he isn’t that into you or hes lying about himself. or your just his stress buster. this is not real. and you need to realize that. this is just an online fantasy and your having a virtual affair. its time you put an end to this nonsense and focus your energies and interests elsewhere.
Anderson
This reminds me of a story I knew of a guy and girl that were in an online relationship on a music forum. He was a super good looking guy, Icelandic origin but living in the US. Posted pictures of himself hanging out and drinking with his friends often. Had girls IRL that were after him, especially a certain female best friend.
But for some reason he never talked to this gf of his on the phone. They never video chatted. He always said he had depression, was suicidal, in the hospital for various things… he said these things especially when things came down to meeting up, phone call etc.
One day, a few forum members got suspicious about some things that didn’t add up about him. So they went digging. And after a few weeks of talking to people, facebook browsing, they eventually found out that this guy was a fake. He was using someone elses identity and using that guy’s photos to lull two women on that forum at different times, into relationships. He kept up this fake identity for 7 years. Once he was outed, he disappeared from that forum and was never seen or heard from again, and nobody knows who he really was. Dun dun dunnnnnn
Anderson
Idk if this website allows links or I could share the forum post with the big reveal. Makes for a fascinating read not only into the mind of a person who would do such a thing. But evidence that there are women that naive out there to fall for something like that for so long.
Danny
2 years and every single day hoping things are going to get better. No phone calls – why not? No videocall -why not? No meet -why not. He told me i was special to him and at times his texts tend to be romantic.
I think i deserved a damn phone call.
We lived in different cities almost 4 hours by car and no friend in common.tammy
danny hes not real. hes someone you met in a virtual world. at times we get confused with what is real and what is virtual. HES NOT REAL.. you have already wasted 2 years pls do not waste any more. cut him out. check him out on social media. most ppl are there on linked in if not others. if you cant find him anywhere than that along with his refusal to meet you, gives you ample reason to confirm he is not real. pls pls get out of this. right now. hes not real.
Danny
i don’t know where the problem was with that person, it might have been crazy,insane or whatever…
The only thing I hope now is to get rid of him by pretending he never existed. Toxic thing.
I dont know what does *cat fishing* mean anyway i want to thank you a lot girls/guys. -
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