Help- I found my boyfriend had a profile up on POF

Yes, I agree with the other poster. He is clearly on there looking for other women when you’re supposed to be in an exclusive, committed relationship. And you just know about the POF profile…for all you know, he’s on others as well. And if it was an old profile, he wouldn’t have recent pictures up. Men don’t make that kind of effort unless it’s for a reason. And his excuse about replying to an e-mail is lame…I have a POF profile and I tend not to respond to e-mails when I’m seeing someone I like, so it’s not like you HAVE to reply. And there is also an option to hide your profile, so that can stop you from getting e-mails. Anyway, he’s clearly active on there. I think you should break it off with him.

Please don’t move in with the next boyfriend so soon. You can’t really and truly know a person that well after only 6 months. The fact that he lied about it on multiple levels is not cool. And he’s upset with you? Sounds like classic narcissistic behaviour and mis-direction. If he is in a monogamous relationship with you there is no reason for him to still be actively using POF and if it “really” is just for friends (LAME) then he should have checked if that was okay with you first.

So what are you going to do for yourself in the interim while you’re looking for a new place to live? This guy doesn’t sound trustworthy but I am sure he knows exactly what to say to make you feel like this was all your fault, like he did nothing wrong and like you were being snoopy. Whatever you have to do to get through the next period while you prepare yourself to move out or kick him out, fine. Just don’t let him convince you this is okay behaviour.

I’m sorry—again, his actions will speak louder. Sure he can say you’re his angel and wants to be with you forever, but until he shuts down his online dating profile, there’s always a possibility of him dating others. Why not demand him to shut it or else? You can leave him for sure. The fact that it’s still on and he’s posting recent pictures only means he’s still actively talking to other women.

So if he can’t shut it down then might as well shut him yourself. Why put up with this kind of stress where you will always wonder whether he’s seeing someone else or not.

I’m going to tell you the story of my aunt.

She married the man of her dreams. She had pined over him for years and finally they got together and eventually married. Around the 2 year mark of them being married she started receiving strange phone calls from a woman telling her, “you don’t know where you husband is”. My aunt was in denial and chalked it up to some prank and time went on. The woman continued contacting her, even calling her at work.

Eventually it came out that her husband had been cheating on her the majority of their marriage (18 months out of 2 years). He was on a dating website called Ashley Madison that is intended for people who are married or in relationships and want to have affairs.

Come to find out the woman calling was his mistress. She was angry because my aunt’s husband told her that they would both leave their spouses and start a real relationship together and then didn’t follow through. And not only was he not following through on his promise to his mistress, he had another mistress that mistress 1 found out about! Yes. Mistress 1 came forward about the cheating to my aunt when she learned he had another woman on the side.

My aunt was obviously devastated. I think she too started to wonder if there was something wrong in her that would make her husband do this to her. At first they tried to go to counseling to make it work. He tried to claim he had a sex addiction. He continue to lie and manipulate until my aunt found out he was still talking to one of the women. She then decided enough was enough and went through with divorce proceedings.

Her husband also had a job that required a lot of traveling so she never really suspected anything.

Complement: talking about counselling, read red flag #10
Narcopath won’t change. With counselling or therapy, they’d only get better at lying and hiding. So don’t expect your guy to change, sorry. Run before you get hurt further and deeper.

It took me a year to realize the guy I had been dealing with was a narcopath, I wish I learned earlier!

Maria,

You can give him a chance if you want, but like Raven said, how could you possible trust him now? If you give him another chance, I think you will have a hard time being happy and confident in this relationship going forward.

Run.

I gave my ex a chance after finding exactly what you did. He just got cleverer at hiding it. Hid the profile, so it could not be found in a search but he could still look and message women.

3 times he said he’d stop. He couldn’t. 2 years and a broken heart later I really he was a classic narcissist.

Why, just why are you willing to give him “chances”? You know what he did, you know he lied and he tried to blame you, so he took his profile on one website, there are many websites.

Why do you need a guy like that? You don’t think you can do better? And be treated better? Be with a decent person?

Why do we women always try to fix things that need to be left alone? Be selfish, think about yourself and your future, this is not just a tiny red flag, it is a big deal what happened, so don’t get coned by him into believing that you owe him a chance to fix things, you don’t. Many women with high self esteem would dump him on the spot. Why are you clinging to this guy?

You probably can’t see his profile anymore because he has it hidden, but more than likely it’s still there. And do you really want a guy who is supposed to be in a committed relationship (and you are LIVING together) and he is looking for friends on POF??? You KNOW he’s not looking for guy friends, so either way it’s just bad and you need to cut your losses and move on.

He has shown you his unworthy character, if this isn’t enough for you to walk, just waste another 6 months to see more. It is guaranteed that a person like this will disappoint you more with his poor qualities, it just takes time for him to reveal all. Hopefully you feel easier to leave after 6 more months, which, I doubt.

Those are signs just bad signs. You need to kick him out and move on. He may not have done it now but after this what is he capable of doing>?! You sound gullible and one to hold on until it’s too late. Just like myself. You don’t need that feeling of being cheated on all over again. If he had everything he wants right next to him, like he says he does, then there is no need to search, respond to emails etc.. His profile should have been deleted months ago.

I was engaged for 5 years and caught my ex sending naked photos online and chatting with other woman. After I caught him he cried his way back. Three months later I walked in on him sleeping with another woman he started talking to on POF less than 12hrs ago.

He has had a chance. He was with you for 6 months. In that time, he had plenty of opportunity to show you who he really was and now you know exactly who he is and what he’s capable of. He’s capable of calling you his angel while chatting to other women online and deceiving you about it. He even initially lied when he was found out. He’s deleted that profile but he may have others, you can’t trust a word he says. I’d say he’s had his chance and he blew it.