He won't set time and place for date


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This topic contains 21 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  T from NY 6 days, 3 hours ago.

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  • #731204 Reply

    anon

    I met a man via tinder 2 weeks ago. We’ve had a blast chatting about anything and everything and seem to have a lot in common

    Last weekend he asked me out on a date this saturday. He only asked what about we do something this saturday. I said yes. He said the night before he goes fishing he can’t sleep, because of excitement. This is going to be the same. he’s going to be way to excited to sleep for days ahead of time

    Last night I asked him what will we do on Saturday. He said chat and see where it goes. I asked him where and what time. He laughed at me and said don’t worry, I’ll confirm everything, I promise.

    What is your opinion on this?

    #731212 Reply

    Blu

    A grown man says he is too excited to sleep before a date? And he hasn’t set a real date or plan? Why would you want to go out with such a childish man.

    #731229 Reply

    Janet

    You tell him that’s lovely and you’d like to meet him too but since he didn’t make concrete plans with you you’re busy now for the weekend….
    Tell him he sounds super great etc etc etc blow smoke up his arse and keep him on the hook – but until he makes definite plans, be sweet and do abso – bloody- lutely nothing!
    Get man balls 😎

    #731232 Reply

    T from NY

    The man promised he would confirm. Why are you stressing? It’s only Wednesday. Assume the best and allow him to show you who he is — if he is dependable or not. Next time this happens say — Okay great! As long as we have a plan by Thursday evening I won’t make other plans. Many men think about one thing at a time. Work week = thinking about work. Weekend comes along = maybe I should think about weekend etc. Whereas women want to plan in advance, as well as be assured they have plans with an upstanding guy not a flake. Of course you’ll meet the rare, amazing men who plan with you days in advance to make sure they have you locked in — and that’s awesome. But by no means typical.

    I always let men know they have a time frame to make plans with me, and if it doesn’t happen I schedule other things. If you still don’t hear from him by late Thursday evening — make other plans for the weekend but do not SAY or TEXT him anything. Just wait to see if he gets in touch. If he tries to reach out Friday — remain sweet and calm — saying “I was looking forward to meeting you! But when I didn’t hear from you, I figured you got busy so made other plans.”

    But to be honest I have also texted a man on Thursday evening and said “Hey look forward to meeting you! Can we confirm time we’re meeting Saturday? I have a lot going on this weekend.” That usually lights a fire under their ass and if they don’t respond that night – I definitely move it on.

    There is no wrong or right. It does not make you seem desperate to just communicate. But if you’ve asked once and he still doesn’t confirm by Thursday evening I would get busy and MAYBE let him have another chance the following week if he doesn’t follow through quick enough. Some men take a minute to learn they need to schedule you in advance. If he doesn’t reach out at all or completely flakes — I never give those type of guys a chance again.

    #731238 Reply

    anon

    Real men set a time and place for a date a few days out.

    Men can and do make plans. They make plans with their buddies, plan camping trips. They make plans with women they are legitimately interested in dating.

    Tinder boys are their own breed. They won’t make plans because they hope a better swipe will come up to make plans with. Or maybe their old FWB will respond to their “u up?” text. I would not bother making another request for plans- because they will, when pressed, make plans that they won’t keep.

    Either he steps up with a time and place in advance or you move along.

    #731242 Reply

    anon

    well, i asked him last night, he didn’t confirm plans, so i’ve gone ahead and confirmed plans with other friends. if he finally decides to confirm plans with me, and it’s during this time, he’ll just have to reschedule

    i find it completely ridiculous that anyone can expect you to commit an entire day to not confirmed plans, whilst they’re keeping their options open and wants to fit you in where it suits them at the last moment

    i also believe a man who really wants to see you, will have a date locked down as soon as he can, and wont leave you hanging at his whims

    #731260 Reply

    Lane

    My opinion is you’re a dime a dozen—just one of many he’s ‘chatting with’ and aren’t really all that special than the others. Unless you truly stand out from the pack; a total knock out or have an outstanding profile; you’re just one of the hundred pictures he views on a weekly basis. If you are going to date online you need to have really tough skin and a have a good weeding process so you don’t waste time on flakes like this guy, which are a dime a dozen too.

    Do not allow men to waste your time. Your time is PRECIOUS and if an online stranger can’t set a time to meet you within a few exchanges, not weeks of ‘chit chat’ then you walk away from these time wasters. Your problem is you don’t give a guy any incentive to ask you out because you give out way too much information about yourself for free online! There’s two dating words you need to know: one is “mystery” and the other is “intrigue” which are two major components in proper dating that sadly is being dismissed today.

    You need to give little bits of information about yourself, while ON THE DATE, and if a man finds you to be interesting or you pique his interest, he will be compelled to keep asking you out to get more of it. To put it bluntly you aren’t giving men any incentives to meet you because you ‘chit chat’ too much for free. Learn to be a mystery novel!

    Also, don’t put all your eggs online. Really need to meet men in many different situations such as when you’re out and about (shopping, grabbing lunch at the counter, getting your oil changed, activities, etc.); at a friend’s party; through friends/family (aka blind dates) because if you limit your options then your options will be limited in finding decent men.

    #731261 Reply

    Anne ohio

    I guess I am a much stronger and in control than you. I don’t wait around for him to call the shots. If he’s not asking what type of location I would like, and I say yes or no, I stop talking to the dude.

    Quit waiting and letting him be your boss.

    #731263 Reply

    tammy

    I have a feeling he will not get in touch to fix the plan. if he was serious he wld have atleast told you that the day and time is locked. in terms of venue he cld have said lets discuss in the morning of the date day and figure what works. I have done this many times when the date is being planned. as in sat evening is locked. lets figure where on sat morning. in your case I will be very surprised if he does get in touch to make plans.

    #731285 Reply

    Anon

    @ lane…. Wow you can sure sprout a load of crap about me and my dating habits, someone you dont know from a var of soap, based on a simple question on a man’s dating behaviour

    #731286 Reply

    Khadija

    My suggestion is to stop all the chatting before a date. It causes women to have a false sense of familiarity and they get attached before the date even happens.

    Remember this is a total stranger and he needs to prove to you he is worth your time.

    I’d give him until tomorrow and if he didn’t confirm the plans then you make plans for the weekend. You’ve already asked no point in bringing it up again. Should he call you after the fact tell him since you hadn’t heard from him you made other plans. If he is still interested he will make actual plans with you.

    Since you met on Tinder he is probably talking to other women weighing his options for this weekend. Basically putting you on stand by.

    #731287 Reply

    sisi

    OP – I used to really dislike Lane when I first came to this site to learn to deal with the FWB I was trying to force a relationship out of at the time, about 2 years ago…

    Over time, I learnt that everything Lane said is RIGHT ON…Lol

    I think you will come to the same conclusion over time

    #731289 Reply

    Anon

    Well she is completely wrong about me and my dating habits. I was only asjing why women think a man may behave likr this. Not for people to jump to conclusions on how i go about dating and respond to that

    He called to confirm plans. I told him unfortunately i already confirmed plans with friends. Maybe another time

    #731290 Reply

    Andrea

    He’s probably messaging multiple women and waiting for the best “offer”. Also, his “chat and go from there” suggestion for a date sounds low effort. Too bad you’ve already spent weeks of your time on him.

    #731292 Reply

    Lane

    Another TROLL post specifically to take jabs at me when all the others essentially told you th same thing!! Keep trolling the internet for duds then.

    #731296 Reply

    Emma

    Why make such strange generalizations as if half of the human population are half retarded? Men can’t plan? Huh?

    I think you told him off too soon. It is only Wednesday. He confirmed with you plenty ahead of time.

    #731311 Reply

    Shay

    If he doesn’t at least set a time, then you don’t really have a date. You should be hearing at the very least, hey let’s meet at 7, I’ll pick a restaurant or find something for us to do and let you know in the next day or two.

    And what a bunch of smoke, he’s so excited he can’t sleep. I think you did the right thing by blowing him off. I’d be totally done with him at this point since he didn’t confirm. Just another Tinder F***boy.

    @Lane is right, you’re one of many he’s talking to and he’s keeping his options open. @Khadija is also correct, you shouldn’t spend so much time conversing before you meet, sets up false expectations. One or two chats is enough. Then just meet for a drink, first dates shouldn’t go longer than two hours.

    #731312 Reply

    Shay

    I just saw the part where you asked what you were doing and he said chat and see where it goes. Dead giveaway – he just wants to size you up and see if he can get sex that evening. DROP this one.

    #731342 Reply

    Anon

    Shay, yes that was my feeling too. He wants me to reserve my whole day while he refuses to set an actual time so he can see what better comes along, be free to do that and fit me in where it suits him

    Then he wants to come over to my house and chat and see what else happens. I.e. have sex

    Definately not the behavior of a man who really likes you. So i blew him off

    #731353 Reply

    anon

    So in this case, because I’m petty, as soon as I saw “home date”, I’d eagerly accept. Then I’d disappear day of. That’s some disrespectful BS to ask you for a home date before you even meet. What makes me ill is that some stupid girls probably take him up on it.

    I’d have no problem wasting this guys time, unless he was upfront that he was only looking to hook up.

    #731407 Reply

    Emma

    I missed the part about coming over and chatting! I thought he confirmed the week-end date with you on Wednesday, which seemed reasonable to me, but now I agree with your decision to blow him off.

    #731641 Reply

    T from NY

    Wednesday is perfectly an appropriate amount of time to set up a date. But what he offered was completely not. I agree men can plan. But some men are not huge planners, do not stress it the way women do and are only concerned if they guarantee a day and time with you. I am not saying wait around but I don’t have a jaded viewpoint and think that all men are players or wasting my time either because I don’t think that’s a positive mindset for dating. I trust and allow a man to show me who is — because they ALWAYS do in time. This guy showed you pretty quickly case in point.

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