Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › guys who don't pay on date
- This topic has 34 replies and was last updated 2 years, 9 months ago by
Rox.
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H.
I think I will try that “I will pay this time and you get next time” thing in my next date and see if he pays in another date. If not I will stop seeing him.
I did quite like him but it’s all getting into my head especially since we are already in 4th date. It’s a pity really.
Oh, he was telling me how his friends don’t have a clue about dating being a strategic game and that they were doing all wrong. Gosh , I so wish I had mentioned something about paying on dates right then 😅Dangerouse
It’s funny you have to come up with a “strategy ” to get a man to pay for a coffee or breakfast.
anon
“Oh, he was telling me how his friends don’t have a clue about dating being a strategic game and that they were doing all wrong. ”
That as a real red flag. Even more so than being cheap. I would bet this guy disappears after sex. Anyone who sees dating as a game is not in it to find a relationship.
H.
He invited me to dinner and watch a movie in his home 😶😶. I should have seen this coming.
I don’t understand how can you keep meeting for someone you are not interested for 4 long dates asking all these questions, acting all into them ..waste of time of both. I mean he could just go find someone who is not looking for relationship and start something casual.
I’m done with this guy. I think I will go find myself a FWB for a while. At least I will know where and how it’s going. No drama.
Lala
This man is not courting you . I would walk away and not look back. He can’t even buy you a meal or a cup of coffee over three or four dates and now expects a home date? No way.
You could respond that you don’t do home dates with a man who has yet to take you to dinner and see what he says.anon
“I mean he could just go find someone who is not looking for relationship and start something casual.”
Because the pool of women looking for casual is much smaller, and FAR more demanding in the looks department. I am at best a marginally attractive 40 something. I mean, I am fit, I am OK, but put me up against any 25 year old and I am not hot.
My FWB’s and guys I have ever hooked up with are in the top 5% hot for all men. Think abs, movie star looks, and generally really nice people. Which booty call am I answering? Mr Washboard who calls me beautiful, but has zero career direction or Mr Stable Dad Bod with a thinning hairline, who is just looking for fun? I’m gonna take Mr Washboard every time, and trust me, whenever I want some attention, a Mr Washboard is available.
So that is why marginal, average looking guys do not just go for FWB right off the bat. They know they need a hook of some sort to get you in bed and that the relationship dangle is a pretty good tool.
lovely
I’d be honest. You cant scare a guy off easily if he really wants you. The first date, ok. Id be turned off and guarded and only going on a second date if I had nothing else to do. But the second date and he still only wanna pay for his half. Oh Ima bring up the issue and ask some questions and depending on his response there might not be another date.
tammy
I think its now quite clear. he is basically looking to just hang out with you and have a good time. Come on its not like you guys went to a proper restaurant for the first couple of meetings. it makes sense then to split the bill. in your case it was just coffee dates! yet he didn’t pay! that’s one cheap date. and him inviting you home when he cant even pay for your coffee? sex written all over this. hes not even bothering to try and impress you. I wouldn’t bother with him again unless you are also looking for some casual fun.
I also somewhat think like you. when a guy wants to split the bill whether its a dinner date or a coffee date in the initial date/s, I automatically friend zone them in my head. people can think what they want but I really don’t want to date such a man. in your case its probably worst. who splits even coffee bills? just cut him out if your looking for more than friendship.
K_KING
I think you should let him go but, have a conversation about it first. I think it’s a golden rule for whoever initiated the date to pay for it, so if you initiated it then maybe you should pay. With that being said, you shouldn’t be the one always having to initiate a date or outing, either, because you seem to always be paying. It’s something that’s very “un-masculine” about a man not paying for the first date to me, as I wouldn’t look at you the same, either. I get that the dating world is different these days, but I just don’t think that’s something you should settle for, especially if it makes you uncomfortable. If you think he’s nice but you’re paying his way, then keep him around as a friend, and not a fwb. Now if you continue to see him, just know now, that him not paying sets a tone of him not having to pay ever, because obviously you’ll pick up the tab. It’s nothing wrong with the way you feel and don’t ever let anyone make you feel bad for feeling the way you do, because I feel the same as you. Not to say you should never pay for a date, because by the 4th date I’d be initiating something, so I’d pay with no problem, but not for every date up to it and definitely not for the first. Everyone has their own dating styles, and if he’s not into the style of dating that you’re in to, then move on, but since we’re adults let him know why it’s not going to work out between you two. That’s my 2 cents
Rox
Hi,
I think this is a basic rule of courtesy. Splitting bills does annoy me as well, maybe it’s how I grew up. I prefer doing the ” I”ll get this one, you get the next one”.. and that is more like “sharing” if you are getting to know each other. In principle, whoever invites the person out on a date should pay. Just imagine if a guy asks you out, but expects the other person to front the bill?? Or you invite them over, and not offer them a drink when they are there. It’s plain rude. -
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