Do guys need to explore sex before commitment?

You know, as a guy, I would say it’s not the timing of the sex, but how compatible we are in the bedroom. If I’m seeing someone, but am on the fence about the relationship, and have sex with them, that could either increase or decrease the interest depending on how well we connect in the bedroom. Likewise, if I see potential with someone right from the get-go, I will have a desire to have sex with them, simply because I am very attracted to them. However, different men are different depending on their libido’s. I have a very high libido and would be interested in having sex 1-2 times per day, 4X/week on the low end. Other guys don’t want/need that much. I also value sex in a relationship and if we aren’t sexually compatible, it simply won’t work out for me. If a girl withholds sex for a long time with me, I may become disinterested simply because sex is an important relationship factor to me.

Basically, either way, the sex will play some sort of factor in how I view the relationship, so my advice to you is not to think about how they view the timing on their end. If you want to have sex with the person, then do it. If you don’t want to, then don’t do it until you’re comfortable.

I’ve dated women who waited over a month to have sex with me who I ended up not being interested in and I’ve dated women who put out on the first night that I was crazy about and vice versa. I personally believe that other factors like compatibility, personality, attractiveness, etc. play more of a factor in the longevity of a relationship than sex. So I would say to not overthink it and have fun….it’s sex after all, so it should be natural and fun ;)

I think it very much depends on the person. And I don’t say man because I’m the same! I couldn’t commit to a man before I knew how sexually compatible I was with him so I wouldn’t expect him to either. That’s just me though.

I’d make sure he wasn’t seeing anyone else but I wouldn’t want to be properly committed before I had sex. What if it was a disaster? You’d have to dump a boyfriend instead of just a guy you were casually seeing. I’d rather know exactly what I was getting into.

It’s about personal preference though. If you’re not happy doing it, don’t do it! I’m sure the right man for you will wait until you’re ready.

The person that commented that a lack of sex does not make a guy go away, well I beg to differ. there is nothing worse that falling for a woman and yes I mean Love too, to then discover she really isn’t into sex but does it “to please me”…. unfortunately I’ve been there and personally I love to please a woman sexually but the woman that isn’t really into sex is impossible to please and that I found very frustrating because the main part of being turned on and being fulfilled was seeing that she enjoyed sex and I could please her. an ex girlfriend told me recently that stuff I did for you in bed which was her idea too, well she lied when she said she liked doing it, she lied about it cuz she did it to please me.

Hey– I think they need to feel sexual *chemistry*– be attracted to you, like the way you move, sound, smell, kiss. Most of us can tell if we are going to be reasonably sexually compatible with someone by just making out, right? I’ve never had a totally amazing making out session turn out to be a dud in bed. So I don’t think they need to explore sex, but they need to feel like it will be exciting for them, that you turn them on, etc. I’m sure we are much the same! I woudn’t commit to a guy unless the thought of having sex with him got me going… same with guys.

Hey– ha, I had a micropenis situation too once, actually.
So I was generalizing. But of course you can always change your mind after sex if it’s bad.they can too. Hell, you can change your mind after 10 years of marriage.

To Peter.

I am sorry if you misunderstood my post which also means the OP perhaps did too.

What I meant if waiting for sex does not make a man go away. I speak from experience, several in fact. Men who were interested in me were able to wait until I was comfortable. Oh, we may have done some things leading up to sex but they were willing to wait until I was happy.

I have had several long relationships and no one complained about my timing or left me because I said I was not ready. I can also say that I did not have any “hit it and quit it” experiences. By the time we had full blown sex the man was loving me and me him.

So, I beg to disagree.

# I would let them know that I am attracted and interested in sex with him, but I needed to get to know them a better. If a man has a problem with that, he is no dating prospect.#

Ah! This is a very important factor and something I was going to comment on, having seen numerous posts from guys on various sites, who were posting because they were upset their current girlfriends are not having sex with them. Invariably all the male respondents believed it was because the ladies were not attracted it them and/or they were sleeping with someone else, whereas nearly all the female respondents understood why the girls wanted to wait. Therefore communicating desire and attraction is vitally important in this instance.

I tend to agree most guys who truly want a relationship will wait provided this is the case.

I feel strongly you have to win a man heart first. And if you throw sex in too early it disrupts the balance. If a man is really into you emotionally then the rest will follow.

I agree with one of the other posts above in that a man can have amazing sex with you, but not view you as anything more than a fwb.

I feel like a guy that wants to be with me will wait till I’m comfortable having sex. This is happening to me right now, I meet a guy about 3weeks ago and he’s insisting on having sex. He says he likes me and I’m what he wants but that nothing is stopping us from having sex that there’s nothing we waiting for. As for me I’m not just comfortable having sex with him yet and I thought he would understand that not us having arguments about having sex or not. Now he says I should go think over it and let him know what I decide. I’m weak really!!

Today, with sex being so prevalent in society today v. earlier generations the norms have drastically changed, so you can’t knock men for wanting sex earlier v. later, now that its been so readily available, to them, since the sexual revolution.

I remember my dad telling me “your mom thinks of sex as her wifely duty” meaning it sucked, as he only got some sex when she was ‘in the mood’ which wasn’t often lol. They didn’t have sex before marriage, he courted her for three years before they married, whereas, if they did have sex, earlier in the relationship, let’s just say he wouldn’t have married her, and wouldn’t have had a couple long term affairs.

If you don’t feel comfortable having sex, then don’t have it. If a guy can’t wait until you’re ready, within reason, then he doesn’t respect you. Without respect, you have nothing to build off of, so you might as well end it, before it ends.

It is important that you, at a minimum, talk about your sexual needs or expectations because if he has a high sex drive, and you have a low sex drive that relationship is doomed to fail because primal needs are not being met, and you end up unhappy, and miserable. I do believe this generation of men is less likely to hang around, for long, like previous generations did, without tasting the goods, so to speak. So you need to decide whether its worth the wait, or potentially losing ‘the one’ because you waited too long?

Its a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation. What I do know is that if the man is putting too much pressure on you to have sex, too early, then its best to walk away, and find a guy who won’t because if he’s going to pressure you in this area, he will most likely pressure you in others too. Too much pressure lol.

I recently met a guy online and had sex with him on the first encounter. Every other guy I had been on dates with I wouldn’t even kiss them till like the third date or never. This guy somehow did or said something that I couldn’t say no to. I normally have God will power but with him all bets were lost. Sex was good, really good. After he left my house, he showed me a screen where he deleted his bumble account. I kept mine because I just thought it was too soon. Well, sure enough we lost touch after like a week. I started to think he was married. A holiday comes around and he writes, in where I respond I just don’t understand you. He tells me he’s intimidated by me and he needs to feel needed. I tell ok let’s go on a real date. Never happens. Two months go by, and we’re back to talking but just for sex it feels. I’m conflicted. Does he just want sex from me? He’s aware that I don’t just want that, but why is it always sexual. I want to do the bf stuff with someone too. Should I meet with him or am I just sex? Clearly we both have high sex drives.