Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Difficulty In early stages of dating, can you help me?
This topic contains 2 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Tallspicy 2 months ago.
I have been dating a lot this last year and trying to figure out man’s approach to it. Mainly I’m dating men online and usually don’t wait long (max 1 week) before meeting them in person. I try to avoid the red flags dudes and only meet guy who seem interested in something serious (but you can never be sure…) I also never initiate dates and texting.
The concern I’m having is that some of these men still appeared online on dating apps after our 2nd or 3rd dates. I generally focus on one person at the time in the beginning, because I don’t have much time for meetings( I’m a single mom) and also because I prefer this way to try to built a connection.
So my question is why did those men remain online in these apps or even met other girls (I assume) while showing strong interest for me? Is it common? And how can I manage this in the future as I really don’t like it? (It’s often the reason why I screwed up after some days by becoming distant) The early stages of dating are not easy for me as I don’t understand how men operate when looking for something serious. I know there’s no point in asking for commitment after 2 or 3 dates but I need some tips to help me relax about all that.
thanks a lot for your advices!!
It’s pretty normal to stay on apps for several dates. That doesn’t mean they’re actively searching for new people, but they may be in the middle of other conversations with matches they made before you that they’re still exploring or don’t want to go through the hassle of deleting their accounts until things are official. That’s normal enough, as is checking if you happen to get new messages and matches in the meantime. Again, it doesn’t mean they’re actively pursuing other people that are also interested. Though even if they are, after only a couple dates, that’s okay, too. Most decent men I’ve met will drop other people from dating apps if they’re getting on date 3-5 with a woman they really like and it’s going well with them. So, not for at least a month into getting to know someone, and not necessarily deleting the account until they’re actually official. But not really using it actively, either.
You can decide you only want a guy immediately focused on you if you feel that’s a values match for you, since obviously as a single mother you want to be cautious getting involved. But if your concern is based out of insecurity, that a guy won’t be loyal to you unless he is totally focused on only you immediately, I think you’re doing both of you a disservice because it takes more than 2-3 dates to get to know someone. Investing faster is getting attached to fantasy aspects. And not everyone moves at the exact same speed, but it doesn’t mean they aren’t decent, don’t want the same things as you, and won’t get there shortly.
It is none of your business what someone is doing until they ask you to be exclusive.
How do you relax about it? You go to therapy to learn to self sooth, and you stop looking at what they are doing online as it doesn’t serve you.
And you should remember, you are single until he asks you not to be usually between 1-2 months of dating, no later than 3. Just because you behave one way does not mean others do and it is not fair to assume so.