Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Dating multiple people
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 2 years, 9 months ago by
Lane.
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Queenie
I’m casually dating, and met someone I really like in person. I have a few other online guys asking to meet, one I’ve been chatting with for a month or so, but our schedules haven’t lined up yet. In all honesty I wasn’t exactly physically attracted to his images, but it was his personality (online/chatting/on the phone) that kept my interest so I figured maybe the physical attraction would come eventually after we meet. However, I’ve now gone out with another guy a few times that, so far, I’m physically and mentally attracted too. But now I’m torn. I have a busy life (single mom, full time job, personal life etc) so idk if I want to date more than one person at a time as I feel I’m already stretched thin. Should I give this other guy (or guys) a chance, or just focus on everything else and just dating the one guy I am. Not asking about exclusivity, because I don’t expect that from him in any way, I just don’t know if I can add even more to my plate. What would you do?
AngieBaby
Queenie, no one can answer this question but you. What any of would do is irrelevant to you.
The challenge with multi dating is it is time consuming and hard to keep up with it all. The challenge with dating one at a time only is you’re putting all your eggs in one basket and when it doesn’t work out, which statistically it usually doesn’t, you’re at square one again and that can waste a lot of time and be emotionally difficult.
You need to make a decision what suits you. You have to learn to feel and think and sift choices for yourself.
AngieBaby
Sorry, what any of us would do is irrelevant.
Raven
It’s nice to have options, so yes- date multiple people…
Liz Lemon
You’ve been chatting with the guy for a month but can’t get your schedules to line up– are you sure he wants to meet? There are guys out there who waste time chatting, talking on the phone etc but never intend to actually meet. So don’t get sucked into that trap.
How serious is the guy you’re seeing? How long have you been dating? You said you’ve been out “a few times”. I met my bf online & by the time we’d been out a few times, it was clear we were really into each other. It didn’t take long to become exclusive after that. It’s fine if you’re not there with this guy, but you should be able to gauge where you’re at with him. If you’re casual, that’s fine, & you shouldn’t hesitate to date others if that’s what you want.
Raven has a good point but Angiebaby is totally correct that you have to do what’s right for you & not overthink it. The situation will be different with every guy you date. So it’s impossible for us to tell you what to do, ultimately.
Glad to hear you’re back out there! Good luck & have fun!
Lane
I know its person-to-person but the problem with focusing on one, before its defined, is it puts you in an insecure/unknown position. When in this position you tend to push for a relationship where it ends up in a pressure cooker situation, and the guy bolts.
For the most part I’ve multi-dated because I didn’t want to waste my time crushing on guys who weren’t crushing on me. By continuing to meet, hang out with them (outside the sheets), and get to know many guy’s on a personal level before any romantic stuff, it helped to take the pressure off because I was able to get a good idea of their character, how we meshed, how they acted/behaved, and above-all how interested they were because they know if they wanted to have a shot they had to step it way up or another guy would.
There were times I focused on one but it was based on ‘instant attraction’ however those usually fizzled out pretty quickly. I prefer the ‘don’t put all your eggs in one basket’ as it gives you a chance to get to know different guys before you can know who are the good or bad eggs lol.
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