Could he be facing his own problems here or is he just not interested in me?

Laura: straight talk time.

I’ve been reading your posts over time. The way you’re operating with men isn’t working and you’re going to continue having these painful experiences until you step back and shift yourself and then how you operate with them, coming from a new place.

You are coming off absolutely DESPERATE to be in a relationship because for some reason you’ve decided you’re an “old maid” at the age of 28. The relationship you were in with the last one really did you some damage – yet you talk about it as such a great connection, which it was most certainly not. You tolerate way too much BS and you fail to read the writing on the wall that they are not interested, not treating you right nor in a healthy place for a relationship. You stick around when you should walk. You do way too much work trying to make him like you and that’s actually off-putting to a man. Then you take it all very personally and go right to “I’m not good enough.”

This latest one was never really interested in you, you ignored the warning signs. Here’s what I mean:

“Things were moving very slow even before this news. I was confused if he liked me or not as good in person, so much chemistry, but slow replies over text. Sometimes took 2-3 days to reply and when he did he replied with a very formal style message.”

When a man is interested, things move along at a steady pace and you are NOT CONFUSED about how he feels about you. You are badly misreading “so much chemistry” and “great connection” for something real and lasting. You can be physically attracted to someone and have good conversations in the beginning but that doesn’t mean it’s real or going anywhere.

“He told me he doesn’t feel much empathy… and I find he’s not a super caring or affectionate person”

Honey. There is NOTHING attractive about this behavior and a big red waving flag he is a poor candidate for a relationship – you should have exited quickly. Instead, you made excuses for him and grasped at the more positive signs. Your standards are far too low.

And you’re adamant you want to remain “friends.” Because he’s going to help you with your career. You’re still telling yourself fairytales to stay in his orbit because you’re hoping he will change his mind. He tried to let you down easy and you’re still not getting it. You will be very hurt all over again when he moves on to someone else and then has no more time for you.

There’s only so much we can do to help you here. You post the same thing over and over, you think no one wants you and you’re old and you don’t seem to have a way to vet men or the ability to walk when it’s not right. You’ve got very low self-esteem and I’d highly recommend you find someone to work with in person to help you resolve these issues because if you don’t you will keep meeting men like this and you think you feel bad now, wait 10 years!