This topic contains 3 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Azzes-13 1 month ago.
July 5, 2020 at 6:47 am #795399
I’m completely new here but hoping some other people could give me some clarity.
I was with my ex for 4 years. We lived together. Planned a life and future together. Then he starts pulling away. Long story short after confronting his change in behaviour he seems lost and we break up.
It’s been over 5 months and I can’t let go of hope. We ended really amicably. He messaged me to check in quite often but just wants to be on his own. He begged to come to my birthday as he wanted to be there and we meet up occasionally – nothing more just conversation. He’s said he can’t see us being together but he can’t see himself being with anyone but me.
I get that he needs to be on his own. He might have some wild Oates to sew and I understand that – but because there has been absolutely nothing concrete splitting us up. I can’t get out of my head we’re going to work out. We had our problems, it wasn’t perfect, but he pulled away when we had 6 months of absolutely no drama. Finally getting to a content and comfortable place in our lives.
Am I crazy to hold on for him to go through his crisis? Or is he just trying to spare my feelings with the ‘alone time’. I’ve asked him a couple of times to be honest if there was more and he hasn’t.
It’s just driving me crazy because I can’t move on when I’ve still got hope but I want to because I’m not naive to the fact we might not be end game.
I guess I’m just wondering if anyone here has a similar experience and reaching out for advice and opinions. Thank you.July 5, 2020 at 8:44 am #795403
T from NY
You can’t get over your ex because you’re allowing him into your life, however briefly, and at times he chooses. He is NOT choosing your relationship right now or treating you like something he could lose. By engaging with him whatsoever he senses or outright knows he could have you back – when he should be afraid even hard work and remorse may not be able to do it. Although it’s mature you broke up “amicably” and I’m not encouraging drama – but gurl – find your righteous indignation and stop allowing him to have access to what he isn’t working for. Go no contact and look at the website Baggage Reclaim. There are so many posts that will help you.July 5, 2020 at 6:52 pm #795454
I have to agree with T. Rip that plaster off fully. He isn’t all in and he is being allowed by you to stop you moving on. Choose YOU in this situation. Go no contact, work on being happy without him and then see how you feel. He hasn’t had to miss you because you accept his bread crumbs.
There doesn’t need to be drama- just explain his contact with you is stopping from you moving on so you need some time alone and stick with it. He *might realise he f**ked up and then thats good but its a win/win for you because once you move on you have a chance of finding a man that deserves you and doesn’t just dip his toe in when he feels like it.
Good luck xxJuly 5, 2020 at 11:43 pm #795474
Thanks guys for the response. You’re definitely right and I think deep down I know that’s what I need to do. I guess part of me hoped if he sees me being the best version of myself he’d realise the mistake he’s made. But I think you’re both right and the best thing for me to do now is step away again. It’s so difficult when we have the same friendship group but I think I need to remove myself from the situation again for a while.
Thanks so much for the advice. It’s nice to speak out to other people. I hate burdening my friends with it. They’re great but too involved in his life too so difficult to get an objective perspective!