Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Can’t get over him!!!
This topic contains 296 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Louise 4 years ago.
You are really desperate for attention.
Ya I don’t work…
Better to vent on here than act on urges…
Are you living off your husband that you’re cheating on?
Wow, that reminds me the saying; “some pussies are lucky than others
gliben gleevin glauben globen…
It’s better to burn out than fade away…
Ugh. I just found out he booked a skiing trip without me… That was totally going to be our trip. Does he have someone else in his life? I know his gf isn’t going… Didn’t mention it bc we talked about that other trip recently? Or is he not interested. I wish I wasn’t interested. So annoying that I still care this guy. My husband and I our planning our own vacations and I can’t seem to muster up much excitement that he’s the one coming with me…
I read an article yesterday that it’s completely normal for women to feel unfulfilled and bored in long term relationships. How is everyone else ok feeling this way?
This post is like the plague… It just won’t go away!
I’m sure in the 11 pages of your thread someone has said this to you so I apologize if I’m being redundant, I couldn’t get through all the posts. You have to find happiness within yourself. No one else is responsible for your happiness. Your husband is probably a decent man, be thankful for that. You probably have children with him, be thankful for that too. Be careful to be so unhappy with your life that you cannot enjoy a vacation your husband is planning when most of the world is trying to survive and make the best of their situation.
Thank you, Eileen. I wholeheartedly agree that happiness needs to come from within. This is something I’ve been struggling with my whole life. I’m working on it… working on establishing a new career, friends, trying to check back in with my husband… and I still have days like today when I feel like I’ve taken one step forward and three steps back. My ex posted on social media which triggered my feelings… I don’t even know if it’s just an ego thing at this point as I don’t even think I’d go on a trip with him… but still he has the ability to change my whole mood. And it shouldn’t be that way l know. And I should I unfriend him, I know. But I don’t because I still care… But yes, need to continue working on myself. One of these days, hopefully sooner rather than later, I’ll stop caring. I’m just not there yet. :/
You’re right, too, BOS. I have a LOT to be grateful for…for some reason I still have so much trouble finding happiness and feeling content. I’m seriously thinking about going back on an antidepressant.
And I’m sorry BOS for these annoying posts on my end…truly wishing you and your kids the best.
You should definitely find out whom is he going on this trip with and then notify her immediately about your past with him. Don’t forget about the GF too. She absolutely has to know and looks like you have a really important mission as The Dog in the Manger.
You were more fun with your neurotic posts, hope they will be back.
I do get annoyed with all these people who say ‘I can’t’ or ‘I’m trying not to’ about following people on social media and messaging them.
It’s so easy to not follow someone /block them and avoid torturing yourself; and anyone ‘trying not to contact’ who is texting is just lying to themselves.
Own your crap behaviour and weaknesses. In this case, admit you still want him to want you which is why you’re monitoring him. Just stop it for your own sanity.
Thanks for your list idea, BOS. I tried it and yes, many things to be thankful for. :)
I don’t know what’s more disturbing – some of my prior actions or posters emcouraging me to do more for their own enjoyment. Smh
I thought I was communicating that I wasn’t going NC because I still care… I could obviously but yes, still want him to want me because I want him. To a certain degree. Would I still want him if I could have him? Or is he just a distraction and a void-filler?
It doesn’t seem like a lot of people here are in long term marriages. They become stale after awhile. You’re basically just friends. And when someone walks into your life and you get that long-forgotten rush of chemicals and longing, it’s hard to walk away from. Dopamine is my favorite drug.
I really doubt it was meant to encourage you. The tone of most posts is rather sarcastic. It is hard to take this thread seriously.
He went into it thinking it would just be fun/ a nice catch-up if you will lol but it was more than that. I mentioned when I’m at in my marriage and we have a strong residual connection. But yeah, as I’ve mentioned before, neither of us are in a place where we necessarily want to uproot our lives to be together. It’s just too much. At the same time I do really like him – obviously lol – and am having a hard time shutting the door. As it stands now, I think we could do the occasional trip when circumstances permit. I’d really love to say that I wouldn’t go but I really don’t know at this point. It’s so annoying how easily the feelings come back over such small things.
Is he hurt right now? Why would he be? He’s probably got an inflated ego. Lol Despite him having high T and a proclivity to occasionally step out, he is a sensitive guy. So who knows. We’re on good terms so I doubt he’s feeling anything negative at the moment. I’m the one experiencing these feelings because a) I’m lacking a solid connection to my husband b) my ex made me feel things I haven’t felt in a long, long time and I don’t want to let go.
OP your difficulties and extreme dissatisfaction and unhappiness in your life has very little to do wth this man, he is simply the vessel you are projecting it all in the direction of. This is why it feels so acute. Therapy and unpicking why you have no real joy and happiness is your pathway, not this constant drivel you keep coming back and pouring out.
BOS- I meant drivel in the context of a person going on and on about something that I don’t believe is really the root of the problem, thus avoiding the actual real problem that she could be using that energy to address and try to feel happier in her life with.
In regard to some people just needing to vent to purge the mind etc, I don’t see any evidence of it being helpful to the OP given the huge thread here- in fact I’d argue the evidence is the opposite and she is showing more and more how unhappy and dissatisfied she is.
In regard to therapy and how difficult it is to access for various reasons- yes I do know as it goes. No need to assume. Doesn’t make the advice to seek it any less correct. Plus hasn’t the OP spoken of being with her husband for financial reasons ? Why assume she couldn’t afford it.
Do you think she’s getting anywhere here? I don’t. My advice was an opinion same as anyone else’s.
How is that fair to your husband you’d rather be with someone else? How would you feel if your husband was doing the same?
It’s not fair. There really are no excuses in this situation. It’s hard to imagine my haband doing the same. It’s just not in his character. I don’t know that I’d be that upset as there aren’t a lot of feelings there at this point.
Do you care that he has a girlfriend and how hurt she might feel about it if she found out you guys slept together?
She knows. Remember I emailed her? :/ I could say a lot but to be honest, I don’t really care that much that he has a girlfriend. If he was married with kids, that would be a different situation. It’s not great I know but that’s the truth.
Could you see him without sleeping with him or touch him?
Definitely not. That’s the best part.
Thanks for letting me vent. You’re right – a lot of this is just getting it out. I don’t think I’m going to meet up with him. It’s like I’m a bit of an addict with him but now the high isn’t as fun… I don’t know that I’d truly enjoy my time with him and know for sure that I’d catch feelings again…and have to deal with those feelings and the letdown…again. And things are better with my husband. I feel like I have something to lose now versus say even a couple months ago when I really didn’t care if we stayed together or not. Was leaning toward not. I’m going to do my best to let a sleeping dog lie. See if I can actually go NC for a couple months… It’s harder when I’ve had a couple glasses of wine to be honest but I’m going to try.
And honeypie, you’re not one to talk about dissatisfaction. No offense, but you’re one of the most negative people here. I can’t imagine you’re that happy yourself.
Dear OP, no offence taken- your opinion of me is irrelevant as we are strangers so please don’t worry.
Interesting that a persons opinion when it’s asked for (you posted – and posted – and posted at infinitium on here after all asking for people’s opinions) is viewed as a negative one… maybe you’re right. Maybe what we should all be doing is cheering each other one – go Aimee! You should really go for it with this taken man he clearly really loves you! His girlfriend clearly means nothing really and what a loser she is to still be with him, ruining your happiness! And as for your husband he should feel privileged to even be in your presence and should totally accept you are in reality a cheating low life with utter double standards who’s only with him because he provides for you.
Oh whoops… I appear to have slipped into negativity- or honesty as it’s otherwise known
You’re proving my point, honeypie. Why don’t you relax and enjoy your Sunday?
You made some good points the other day along with BOS, etc. The advice I’ve received over the past few days has been the best so far because it’s actually dealing with the root of the problem – which you pointed out. And the advice has helped. My therapist/friends/fam have basically said the same thing – focus on yourself, finding your own joy and meaning. Forget about the guys and the temporary high and ego boost. I think I’m slowly coming out of the fog…
For the record, I don’t think his gf is a loser. I feel kind of bad for her in general and think she’s in denial. I mean one of the screenshots I sent her was him telling me he’s cheated on her before. She’s holding onto this dream which doesn’t coincide with who he really is or what he wants for his/their future. I’m just one out of a few… Do my actions really matter that much? It’s more his actions and lack of real commitment to their relationship IMO. As one poster put it, he’s no prize.
I do marketing consulting PT…my husband is the breadwinner at this point but I contributed quite a bit early on. Wealth is not acquired by spending needlessly… But thanks.
This whole thing is just GROSS
It was closure, he wanted to make sure he made the right choice.
I’ll admit this sounds far-fetched in an already long diatribe but it’s completely true…and makes me wonder if things are ‘meant to be.’ That free flight came about when I was thinking about my ex on Friday while looking at my work email (I barely work PT) and in my junk folder was an email, Let Us Take You to (my ex’s city). Seeing the city name took me aback. Then reading the email and corresponding with the business owner…and realizing it wasn’t a scam…definitely made me think. I mean how weird is that?!? And I literally keep seeing his city’s name everywhere…although I should say it’s not like Vegas but fairly well known. And my ex’s name… I dunno if it’s just because it’s on my mind but it’s starting to almost weird me out. And by the way, I said no… I have not made plans with him… Definitely could have, but continued to decline. Does anyone believe in ‘meant to be’ scenarios?