Boyfriend's friends stopped inviting him out


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  • #874039 Reply
    Monika

    So my boyfriend and I have been together for nearly a year. I’m quite introverted and he’s extroverted and has a lot of friends and tries to include me a lot but I just prefer being at home alone rather than go out and drink and be around people in general. I try to make an effort for him but usually leave parties early whereas he’s the last one standing and I always encourage him to stay without me etc. Recently though his friends stopped inviting him out to places. We would always see his whole friend group hanging out whereas my bf wouldn’t even get an invite and he’s obviously very upset about that. We are still invited out once in a blue moon but it’s more for big parties rather than wee small things that everyone else does. For example, we’d get invited to big parties but not to grab lunch the next day where his entire friends group would be there. He’s very upset about it and I can’t stop thinking that I’m to blame for him not being invited. He says it’s not true but I can’t stop thinking it and it’s making me so upset to see him so upset and it’s making me feel extremely guilty and I don’t know what to do right now.
    Sorry about the extremely long post I just feel so guilty about it and I don’t know how to stop the thoughts or how to help him apart. I love the guy to bits and would never want to hurt him so leaving him is the last thing on my mind but sometimes I feel like if it wasn’t for me he’d still be hanging out with him friends instead of me etc.

    #874050 Reply
    Elvira

    Hi Monika the only reason I could see his friends not inviting him because of you is if they are all couples and feel he would be left out. However, I know many friends who still invite the single person to join couples if it is just a brunch, movie, dinner whatever because they are all friends.
    So in this case I will assume the reason he is not being invited is not because of you but because of him. Maybe he behaves a way you are not aware of since you are not there. I would not make this a you issue and let him figure it out with his friends. You are not his mother to solve these problems for him or feel bad/guilty about it. If he feels left out and these are truly his friends then he needs to make the initiative to ask them what is going on!
    At this point don’t do anything!

    #874053 Reply
    Elvira

    I just want to clarify when you say not getting invited meaning both of you I assumed he was OK going alone, are you saying it is because they don’t want him to bring you? I do have to say I had an ex none of my friends/family really enjoyed having around, so they did stop inviting me because they knew I would bring him. However he was a bit rude when he drank so that was their reason. If you feel it is because you leave early or are not really social then that may be another reason they exclude him. However that is something he needs to talk with his friends about.

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