Boyfriend is active on a dating site.


Home Forums Dating and Sex Advice Boyfriend is active on a dating site.

Viewing 25 posts - 1 through 25 (of 31 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #356258 Reply
    Ann

    Hi. Long story short, I’ve been with a man for 2 years now. I left him a few months ago because he was basically cheating on me with someone. According to him there was nothing physical, just really inappropriate talking. So I moved out, did my own thing. Didn’t peruse him in any way (I never do) and he wouldn’t leave me alone. So we have been back together for a month now ( I say together because he has called me his girlfriend on his own of course said he didn’t want to be with anyone else and didn’t want me to be either) so I haven’t been talking to anyone. Last night i went to grab my phone and accidently grabbed his. (We have the same phone and same case) and on his main screen was an app for match.com. So I jokes with him about it and we laughed it off. But out of curiosity, I looked on match, found him, it said “active within 24 hours” then all of a sudden it said “online now!” So now I just don’t know what to think. Should I say something to him? I don’t have a problem confronting him, I’ve confronted him about things before, I’m very straightforward, but how should I start this conversation without simply saying, “”so out of curiosity I decided to look you up on match and I found you and it said you were online. Care to explain?”” Lol. Thanks! Sorry it’s so long. Maybe it wasn’t as short as I thought it was.

    #356269 Reply
    Noelle

    Ann,

    I would confront him. Did seeing this make you feel anything? I know I would feel like I was punched in the gut.

    I think you should just be straight forward, you have every right to question him (regardless) and obviously you have reason to since you had broken up for possible cheating reasons before. Maybe just say that you have no interest in being serious with someone who is active on a dating website.

    Hope this helps.

    #356272 Reply
    Ann

    Thank you Noelle. Seeing it did make me a little upset especially since he told me he didn’t want anyone but me and and out of respect for him and our relationship, I quit talking to other men. So yea, I did get a little upset and irritated. I do plan on confronting him. I’m just not sure how to start it off without sounding like I’m accusing him or sounding rude.

    #356275 Reply
    Noelle

    How about “Listen, when I saw that app on your phone it made me curious so I looked…I’m sure you know what I found. So, do you want to explain?”

    #356277 Reply
    Ann

    Lol! That works Noelle! I do believe that’s what I will say to him.

    #356278 Reply
    Noelle

    Good luck Ann!

    #356281 Reply
    Ann

    Thank you Noelle!

    #356286 Reply
    SibWoman

    I wouldn’t be so sweet about the issue. I think it needs to be done strict and clear for him that you will not tolerate these that kind of behavior anymore and put up with it. Just straight to a point in WTF style

    #356291 Reply
    Lane

    Ann, you posted this about 2 months ago? Have you still not confronted him or is he still doing it? If its the later, then why haven’t you left? Continuing to tolerate this behavior isn’t going to change it, only finding a man who doesn’t will.

    #356303 Reply
    Ann

    Hi Lane, actually I did post something similar a few months ago about a different issue. And I did leave, that day actually. And I’ve left him alone but he wouldn’t leave me alone. for a few weeks we have been talking again and such and he said he only wants to be with me and apologized, so I stopped talking to other men and started to be with him again. But today I seen that he was on match. The photos aren’t new but it said he had been active within 24 hours then it said he was online now. I haven’t confronted him yet because he is still at work. I wanted to give him another chance, But I know that continuing to put up with it isn’t going to change anything, so I’m going to confront him and make it clear and let him know that I gave him another chance but I’m not going to deal with that.

    #356340 Reply
    Holly

    I’m not sure what the purpose would be to confront him. You already know he is on the site,this has been proven to you. There is absolutely NO REASON for him to be on this site after what he has told you. And what he has told you is meaningless, sweetie the guy is full of crap. You are with a player, cheater, whatever you want to call it, this guy is all talk. Pay attention to his actions because that is where the truth lies, not in his words.

    Confronting him? What is there to know? He will only lie to you like he has been anyway, what do you think he’s going to do? Tell you the truth? Of course he won’t, he’ll do his best to make something up that will fit, whatever it takes to get him off the hook. I will guess he will also try to blame you for “snooping” & do his best to make you out to be the bad guy.

    If you think I’m wrong/crazy/rude or an idiot of some kind, than do yourself a favor & at least find out the REAL TRUTH! I STRONGLY SUGGEST without hesitation you install some kind of spy app or program on his cell phone AND on his computer. When you are dealing with a cheater or someone with stories that don’t add up (this doesn’t happen to honest people by the way) there is no other way than to spy on the dude without him knowing. THIS will give you the truth you are looking for, the TRUTH you have a right to know and the TRUTH about who you are sharing your bed, body, soul and life with! DO NOT be me hun. I am RUINED! I will never be the same & truthfully, I question my own sanity & I wonder if I will ever be able to function normally again. I had a man who I thought loved me,cherished me, was my soulmate, my best friend & would NEVER cheat on me in a million years. We spent 12 years together until the day I found something odd…I installed spy program on his computer and what I saw? I nearly passed out, I died, I was shocked and I’m traumatized to this day – 3 years later. He was cheating the entire 12 years, I didn’t even know him, he was an amazing liar living a double life. Everything I ever knew to be real was a lie. I will never trust again. Sorry for the rant but your boyfriend is an easy one, it’s obvious he’s a cheater! If you won’t install the spy programs then at least get your own fake Match.com account and try to spark something with him (I advise against this because he may become suspicious if you don’t do it right). I’m going to be blunt, your guy is a cheater. Sorry.

    #356341 Reply
    Holly

    Also, you telling him ” I’m not going to deal with that” will do nothing except cause him to be more careful. Personally, I wouldn’t say a thing. What I would do is the dummy account. If you let him know, he’s looking pretty shady…as I said, he will only be more careful! He’ll add a password to his phone or hide the app in one of those apps that hide apps (yes they have them). Confronting him will only give him a “heads up”.

    #356523 Reply
    Teresa

    I totally agree with whay Holly said, if you confront him about it he is just going to lie and cause him to be more cautious. Like Holly said, set up a fake Match.com account and try to spark up a conversation with him. That way, you have solid proof, no guessing or wondering if hes telling the truth.

    #356527 Reply
    Sad sam

    Wanna hear a sad story ? Once A cheater always a cheater!!
    Been like this withe my husband for 9 years now. We lived in two dif states when we
    before we married so when we moved in together i assumed the best of him.
    N
    Two years into the relationship i found him on dating sites under a fake name
    He swore it was just flirting nd i was pregnant. To keep a long story short its never just
    Talking !!!NEVER! Men dont just talk. And if he os doing this to you then igs more than
    One girl!
    Learned the hard way that when they do it to u on e and get away with it they do iy
    Again. So baby run away while u can.
    With me he promised he was just talking and it turned out that he was dating 4 women
    At the same time! Got the good news as i was delivering my baby who was born ill
    We both decided to be together for her sake but we live in separate rooms and he never
    Changed. He tried to get back to me many times and everytime he deleted a site i find him in another.
    Its ur life. Ur time. Dont waist it on someone who does this to u.

    #356530 Reply
    Juliette

    Seriously ladies. A spy app? A fake match account?

    I might start out with a nice adult-like conversation. At least hear him out and see what he says. I believe that is how I would want to be treated.

    If you find yourself not trusting someone it is best to just move on so you can be open to a new relationship. Unless of course you thrive on drama, then by all means proceed with the spy app and fake profile..

    #356605 Reply
    Allie

    Ann,-

    Only few months ago I was in a similar situation. Was in a serious relationship with this guy for 2 years, we were talking of buying a house together, getting married and having kids. In my mind he was always the one. Little did I know that during all the time I spent with him he was on all the dating sites. I confronted him those times that I found out and of course did get the standard response of me being the one. I thought we were both trying to improved and get over this online dating adventures but in fact I was the one running around with the duck tape and the glue , he still continued to be there after all those confrontations. My advise to you, let him be and let go of him. Move on. Someone who loves would never question being with you , would cherish and appreciate you. Don’t let him drag you down, move on because you deserve better.

    #356607 Reply
    Jj

    We met online and once we decided to go forward in the relationship I’m sure we had the discussion about removing our profiles. I removed mine.

    He seems to talk alot about past relationships at times. He sent me a text that he was having lunch with two beautiful women. It created doubt/ trust in.

    So I created another profile that gives me access to the website we met on. I can see that his profile is online still and he’s periodically on line. So is he cheating or what? I’m working and he’s retired. We have daily contact texting and spend the weekends together.

    #356643 Reply
    Tara

    Ann

    “a man worth worrying about will do everything in his power to never make you worry”

    I have found that, after many many dating errors, if I can’t trust someone, then I don’t need them.

    You are a beautiful, intelligent woman and he is not accepting you for your caring dedicated self. Confronting him with an ultimatum is telling him that you are going to accept this behavior again.

    You have options, although Mr Right might not be on the immediate horizon, he is looking for you!

    Best of luck!!!!

    #356670 Reply
    Kerri

    This same thing happened to me a while back. This guy told me he loved me only wanted to be with me, blah blah and something prompted me to check on match.com and there he was active a hour ago it said!!!! So, i sent him a message so that he would know– I know and he messages me back on there saying Hi sweetie! Nice to hear from you!!! LOL!!! he didn’t even care he was busted by me! Acted like nothing was wrong! I haven’t talked to him since!!!!!! Player!!!!!!!

    #356706 Reply
    Leandra

    I was in the same place with my ex, I thought things
    we’re great but he was still active on a dating site long after we agreed to be exclusive.

    I confronted him in a playful sweet way and he did end up shutting it down
    but the truth is that I never should have had to ask in the first place.
    That guy had kept secrets from me and we broke up eventually.

    My boyfriend now would never in a million years do anything that dumb and is totally bewildered
    that my ex’s would pull shenanigans like that. He offers to do everything while I never have to ask for anything.

    I agree with previous posters. Keep your dignity, tell him this simply isn’t what you’re looking for,
    you want a high quality, respectful relationship, then politely show him the door. Don’t look back.

    There are beautiful sweet men who would love to be with you and treat you well.
    Anytime your instinct goes off, trust it. It’s better than spy software.
    The right guy will know how to make you feel secure and you will know it in your heart and mind.

    #356725 Reply
    Kylsee

    RUN. RUN FAST. I was with my boyfriend and sons father for over a year and he was on plenty of fish and cougar life. RUN. Its not worth it because they say they wont do it again and all sorts of bs. Leave and never look back.

    #356950 Reply
    Levi

    Look you come on here and ask for advice’s. You pick one which is good, it might turned out for the worst or for the better. But honestly speaking what does YOUR gut tell you?
    Really hun? A lot of women have had that issue and sadly speaking so did I and later I just found out about it when i BROKE up with my guy (no not for the dating sites from other personal issues) I decided to google him for fun found out he had 10 different accounts with the same name and face. how ironic and it made perfect sense when his iPhone beep a lot of times and spotted that it’s different women from different countries and states. Business work my ASS.
    I agree with Holly these guys are all games and no truth. Even if you did confront him he will still do it. When you broke up with him that is a first sign! A sign for you to realize your relationship is not worth it. Honestly I am not being a rude or a bitch as though it seems to be. But you have to wake up and realize that this is not the kind of relationship you want with a guy or any guy. Who knows if you go on for long vacations he might be out with women on the side line when you are gone.

    THINK ! Is this really WORTH it? Does he really LOVE YOU? cause he can get those in the dating sites by those desperate women asking for it.

    #356978 Reply
    Kim

    Holly was correct. Why bother confronting him? I went through the same thing. At first, I ignored it. Then, I confronted him. He was defensive and said I had no business looking at his phone. He said it was harmless flirting and it meant nothing. He said he would stop texting other women because he loved me.
    The idiot never bothered putting a security password on his phone. I checked his phone again and for a couple weeks, there were no sex texts. He was back at it again. Sex texting other woman, sending naked pics of himself, offering to meet up with the other women, receiving messages for various dating sites he signed up with.
    I started to realize he was a pervert with a sex addiction. I kicked him out if my house. He begged me to forgive him. Sucked up to me. So I did. Huge mistake. Its over now thank goodness. You have to either put up with it or leave. He has a problem. I recommend you leave. Love yourself first. There are decent men out there.

    #357172 Reply
    AllieAder

    Hi Ann, My heart breaks for you because I know exactly how you feel. I also caught a now ex boyfriend, with a profile on a dating site. In my case, he wanted me at his condo all the time, which I thought meant he wanted me around, now…I think it’s because he’s a cheating loser & therefore, because he knows firsthand that it happens, he’s created his own world devoid if trust. Anyway, at his condo, I was using his computer for research and closed a site that I wanted to return to. So…I clicked “History” expecting to only find my site…but found a wwhhhooollle lot more. He was active on many sites. He was asking other women to attend the upcoming Red Hot Chilli Peppers concert with him, which he had purchased tickets for us to attend together and it broke my heart in two. I left his place, only to have him call & try to BS me by telling me that what I had viewed was not a dating site profile, but unsolicited emails from some foreign sex spamming website!!! Can you believe that? I was 45 years old at the time and he was 42. For god sake, I didn’t just fall off the turnip truck, you know?!

    At any rate, took him back and he only ended up getting better at hiding his cheating ways and eventually broke my heart another time until I’d had enough. From my perspective, the only thing you can do is get out now….or you’ll only feel the pain 100 times worse when he does it again later on and I guarantee you, he will. Spare yourself the regret of wasting precious time with this guy. Don’t wind up three years down the road, or so, when he cheats, walks out on you, or whatever else guys like him may do…which is anything selfish…and kick yourself for the three years lost and wasted when he’s thrown up this big red flag for you and you can save yourself today. Find a great guy, there’s one out there for you and you deserve him!!!

    #357173 Reply
    JJ

    My (now) ex husband did the same. He was an international pilot and would sometimes be gone for weeks at a time, but I trusted him completely. He made me feel so loved and cherished. My family and friends adored him, especially for how he treated me. I am an amputee- my entire right leg is missing, but I am very active and take care of myself to be as attractive as possible. Still, people assume most men would not be attracted to a woman with such a visible physical disability. So he got a lot of kudos for being with me (and honestly I was grateful too that he had no issue with my body).

    I went to look something up on my computer when I got home from work one evening and what to my wondering eyes did I see? He left his email account open. It was not an email account I was aware he had and in the inbox I saw tons of intimate emails from women from all over the world and lots of dating site messages. I checked the dating sites out and could not believe it. He had kept his profiles active on these sites throughout our courtship, engagement and marriage. His “quote” at the top of each one of them said “Looking for my Soulmate” and he listed that he was divorced. I confronted him, he said “they mean nothing to me…I love you!”. I said we needed to get into therapy so I could get my head wrapped around his lying and cheating, but ultimately realized no amount of therapy would help him with this gluttonous appetite for women – so I divorced him. Best decision I ever made. He went on to get married within 2 days of our divorce being final and she divorced him within 4 years. I’m sure he is on to wife #4 by now. What I don’t understand is, why don’t these guys just stay single?

Viewing 25 posts - 1 through 25 (of 31 total)
Reply To: Boyfriend is active on a dating site.
Your information:





<blockquote> <code> <pre> <em> <strong> <ul> <ol start=""> <li>