Am I jumping to conclusions?


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This topic contains 5 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  LaFrance Thibodeaux 1 month ago.

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  • #786363 Reply

    Lilyann

    Hello everyone. I met a great guy on an app a few weeks ago. We have gone out twice and talk on the phone too. We both have admitted to having feelings that feel strong and last night we had a discussion to not date other people and focus on this. We have not been intimate yet. I am excited about him and vice versa. We had vague plans for tonight and last night we finalized them before we said goodnight. This morning he apologized and said he has a sore throat and will not be able to meet up tonight. He asked if we could talk on the phone and watch our favorite show together instead. My kids have been sick too and he and I have made out so there is a chance he picked up something from me. I have been flaked on in the past and when he cancelled I automatically got that feeling like he is like all the other guys and is just flaking.

    I said I hope he feels better and then I added a line about if he feels this is moving too fast let me know. I know I do this to protect myself from being hurt but I think he was concerned I was going to end it and he said that it scared him. I wrote him a text message being open and telling him that I am nervous to get emotionally invested and get hurt. I don’t know if him being sick is BS or not. I feel I am sabotaging a good thing with my fear. How to help this situation?

    #786370 Reply

    Khadija

    There are no guarantees when it comes to dating, relationships, and love.

    If he is in fact feeling under the weather then he’ll reschedule. I think that text was a bit much. People get sick sometimes.
    On the other hand if he is lying then he won’t reschedule and become distant. And if that’s the case its better now then down the line.

    The reality is there really is much you can do about it. My only suggestion is in the beginning is to not get invested. So many things can happen in the first few weeks of dating. Especially when it comes to these apps, people are going on lots of dates and meeting others.

    Stay optimistic, that whatever the outcome its for the best.

    #786371 Reply

    kaye

    Yes, you are jumping to conclusions!! You’ve only gone out twice. You have admitted you like each other and agreed not date other people and focus on this. That’s a great start! Now don’t start freaking out just because he’s had to cancel a date. Do you really think he would offer to talk on the phone and watch your favorite show together if he were going out with another woman instead? There is all kind of stuff going around where I live. We’ve had to reschedule a dinner with friends over 3 times in the past month because either my kids or their kids or one of us was sick!! My advice is to give him the benefit of the doubt until he does something not to deserve it. You can’t drag your baggage from other guys flaking into this relationship! No man wants to deal with the sins of another man. 
    Everyone is nervous to get emotionally invested and get hurt. But it’s way TOO soon after 2 dates to be texting him something like that. You are going to sabotage this if you don’t get a grip on your emotions. You should be sitting back and enjoying getting to know him. And in your mind you should know you were fine a few weeks ago before you met him and you will be fine if this doesn’t work out. You are putting too much pressure on him and yourself this early.

    #786374 Reply

    Raven

    Yes, you’re looking for problems…

    #786376 Reply

    Lane

    I honestly don’t understand why woman feel the need to share their feelings all the time? Its a woman’s job to watch, listen and observe someone long enough before they can know if they are the real deal or not. This is basic common human sense with anyone you don’t know well enough whether its someone you’re dating, a new neighbor, a new co-worker, etc. Treat him the same way you do with any stranger and allow it to unfold naturally.

    All you should be doing at this point-in-time is taking ‘mental notes’ to see if he’s just not feeling well and steps right back in, or fades out. When you let go of the need to control people and allow their colors to show early on it makes dating less stressful. I know its hard when you like someone but this is when you need to be less anxious or worried and just let it end early instead of dragging it out if its not meant to be dragged out.

    #786380 Reply

    LaFrance Thibodeaux

    Amen ladies!..

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