Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › After Second date behaviour!
- This topic has 18 replies and was last updated 4 years, 2 months ago by
K.
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Yolo
Hi ya’ll
Met this cute guy, have had two great dates, we click, chat loads and he asked to see again. However, I’ve noticed a slight shift in his behaviour, he’s not as sweet, taking ages to text back, is online but doesn’t reply, short responses and no effort to keep conversation.I think I made it pretty obvious I liked him soo I’m wondering had this caused him to act different?!
Should I just cancel him out now?
Kate
Did you have sex with him? Guys often act like this once they have ‘had’ you as it were.
Yolo
No, nothing like that but basically told him I wasn’t interested in dating other guys as I was enjoying getting to know him.
T from NY
As women we often share how we feel freely with other women. When dating men, it’s best to keep some of our feelings to ourselves. By saying you were only interested in seeing him – in manspeak he heard – you were essentially inviting him to do the same when men should be the ones to lock you down. Don’t worry! These little things won’t matter when the right guy, who’s ready for a relationship and really likes you comes along. But with current guy I would still go out with him IF you like him. Just pull WAY back and let him lead and initiate all interactions. BUT check your feelings along the way. I don’t know about you but when a guy stops showing interest in me and doesn’t seem as excited about replying or contacting me – I begin to lose interest in him! Which is healthy and means you only want someone really trying to invest. It’s wayyyyyy to early for anything but you getting busy focusing on you, fun things in your life, date others if you find them, and let this man do the work if he wants to see you. I’m not advising to purposefully play hard to get – those are games. I’m talking about changing your mindset and inner attitude and how you see dating. Read Evan Marc Katz for a mans perspective. Good luck
T from NY
**too early
Kerry
I agree with the poster above m. You’ve probably scared with the only guy I wanna date chatter.
The only possible way to salvage this is by playing hard to get. Stop texting and calling first. At this point you should get back on the dating market too. Good luck .
And it’s only been two dates… get out while you have no feelings or very little.
Tallspicy
It sounds like you are not letting him lead or mirroring him. It sounds like you initiate a lot of the contact and after 2 dates you said you did not want to date others???? Yikes!!!
He is supposed to be leading, initiating etc. stop doing anything and let him come to you. Until a man is your boyfriend, you let him do the work.
Yolo
I haven’t heard from him in almost 3 days so now I know my gut was in point! Why do guys waste your time like this?! There seems to be constant game playing.
Jo
It’s not game playing to leave someone because they’re suffocating you! You need to take responsibility for this or you’ll keep making the same mistakes.
Yolo
For your information I didn’t suffocate him! I made it clear I was interested in only getting to know him on our date. I didn’t profess my undying affections for him nor did I bombard him with texts or ever initiate contact so theres No need to be so harsh or rude!
Tallspicy
You may not perceive it as suffocating. He did. Or another way to say it, is the mystery was killed because he did not have to earn you.
He most likely interpreted it as being way over invested. You do not invest until he invests. That is the whole point. Men think in the moment. Is “I only want to date you after two dates” only in the moment? No, it is not.
Forthright women such as yourself, would be supported by learning how to be quiet (even if you are doing something, he does not need to know everything you are thinking) and mirror his level of interest.
Most people would be put off by that. Next time simply say, I am having a nice time on this date – thank you!!!
Tallspicy
Btw, he did not waste your time. It is called dating. If you cannot take what it entails, do not do it. He does not owe you anything, especially before 3 or 4 dates. Nor did he play games. It is your job to simply listen and if he says whatever he says to over time see if words and actions match. He explored and decided he was not interested, just as you can.
Liz Lemon
You only had 2 dates. Maybe he met someone he clicked with better. Maybe like the others have said, you freaked him out with the exclusivity talk (saying you wanted to exclusively date only him). He’s not playing games, it’s just the way dating goes.
Next time don’t get so emotionally invested after only a couple of dates. Your first few dates with a guy should be about having fun & flirting & getting to know each other. Not talking about whether you’re seeing other people.
Yolo
Firstly, I wasn’t emotionally invested. Secondly, I started this thread for advice not a grilling nor a blame game. Surely this forum is supposed to lift people up not try to make them feel down on theirselves.
As far as I’m concerned this sounds like a a lot of game playing Instead of being authentic and yourself. Pretending you’re not keen for fear of scaring someone off is a much bigger waste of time.
And finally, he would like to take me out again.
Tallspicy
Yolo, you do you. Just be aware that you may limit your pool by how you interact. If you feel you are effective, then have it it. However, if this is not the only man who left early, you may want to consider how you are being perceived instead of getting defensive and pushing That you are right.
No one is telling you to be hard to get or inauthentic or play games. We are telling you not every thought needs to be verbalized or can be made into something more appropriate. You could have just as easily said – I am having so much fun with you, I am enjoying getting to know you and meant the same darn thing.
Communication is the result of what you do, not the intention. Could you for one moment see how someone might interpret what you said as too much for a second date?
And you are over invested if you care enough to post on a random forum for a dude you meant twice.
Tallspicy
We gave you advise:
A. Let him lead
B. Keep your thoughts of exclusivity to yourself on a second date.
C. Be warm, playful and responsive to his leading.
D. Give 0 fs until a man is your boyfriendYou just don’t like it.
An emotionally healthy man might see your commitment as needy and unable to meet other men.
Jo
@Yolo
You said he’s….
Not as sweet
Taking ages to text back
Online but doesn’t reply
Short responses
Doesn’t try to keep the conversation goingThese are the behaviours of a man who feels he is being suffocated, whether you feel you are suffocating him or not.
Also, for him to be responding in this way to your texts, you must be sending them!
Jo
The aim of the posters on this forum is not to “lift people up” by telling them they are doing everything right and the man is an a***ole/game player/waste of time (unless it is true). The aim (of most posters at least) is to give honest constructive advice to help people improve their dating skills.
K
Have you posted here before with similar questions? This sounds like another British OP named Dylan who posted a few times, made a big thing of being authentic and being herself and doing what she felt like doing, despite the fact that men kept choosing other women than her. Same questions, same complaint about men playing games and same annoyed response at the answers.
If you’re not her, then as others have pointed out, no one is being insulting. You’re being told the truth. What you’re doing isn’t working. So do you want to be happy and in a relationship or be right?
I had a guy do just what you did. He told me by the end of date 2 he only wanted to date me. It freaked me out. I was still deciding if I liked him or not. I felt cornered. What he did wasn’t flattering, it came off as very desperate to be in a relationship… with anyone. I didn’t sense it was me he was actually interested in. I backed way off and only saw him one more time before I told him I didn’t think we were on the same page, although he was a nice guy.
Think about it how you’d feel on the receiving end of what you said to him. It’s a lot of pressure to put on someone you hardly know.
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