Advice on this odd situation

I am so sorry this is happening to you. It’s frustrating dating men sometimes! It can be a confusing journey. Most women would think that if you began dating someone, broke up, got back together after talking it through – that would mean the man is committed to investing and growing the relationship. And maybe he was — when things were going fine in his life, and-or, between you. Now he is obviously going through SOMETHING and he has gone completely MIA.

We can surmise that he’s either struggling with something external, such as a work problem, or something internal such as family or even his feelings about you and the relationship. But what the real point here is — he is showing you who he is. When times get tough he bails. Sure it’s absolutely crucial to give space. But I’ve always believed men who are truly invested, truly love a woman and are committed to her – DONT disappear for days on end. Distant, cranky, maybe not wanting to hang out as much – but not disappearing.

If it were me – I would get really clear with myself about what I’m willing to put up with and what my deal breakers are. This isn’t a man you’ve barely been dating. He knows you. You’ve been through things together. I would call him. Tell him you love him. Tell him you are invested in the relationship. I would acknowledge he has been going through something and say you’ve been trying to give him space and be supportive. But at the same time you expect a partner that communicates and lets you know that no matter what he is going through – that continue to show you that you’re in a partnership. Let him know you would like to know his plan for seeing each other and ask what types of things you can do to support him while he works through whatever he’s going through.

YOU get to decide if you want to continue with someone who completely ignores you when he’s upset or whatever’s going on with him. YOU get to decide if you want to be with someone who doesn’t turn to you (even if just minimally) when he’s distressed. Sure men and women are different and men go into caves — but I believe men who love their women usually don’t just go MIA for days. YOU get to decide if his response to you letting him know your needs is good enough. I would have one foot out of the door at this point.

“Do you think when a man is struggling that he should continue with daily contact of some kind?”

Yes, because you are in a relationship and you have needs too. If him taking a minute or two each day to text you leaves you feeling more positive about the situation, IMO, it is not a big ask. Relationships are a two way street and your need for some level of connection to sustain/be happy should not be dismissed. A text is like a tiny crumb, but it means a lot to some people.

To me, this is a test. I’d say “hey, know you are struggling, please just take the time to say hello every day. It means a lot” and if he does not, he does not care enough about you for you to care about him.

Personally, I can’t deal with people who are so mentally frail that they are beyond communicating on a basic level when times get tough. I get not wanting to have “big talks”, but darn it, if you want a good morning text, he should provide that to you, because that is a menial 3 second task.

To say- the little communication we have had he’s stated twice with no prompting he wants us to be together. I haven’t asked. My communication has been short and not asking lit’s of questions. He’s said he wants me to know that although his texts and communication aren’t showing it, he wants ya to be together. Why say that and act like this?

Men make time for what they want. They invest in what they care about. This guy either wants a relationship that completely revolves around him and his needs so he gives you just enough crumbs to try and keep you – or he’s too much of a coward to end it because he’s not feeling anymore.

I’m so sorry. You deserve better communication and respect. You are absolutely not overreacting. And if you let him swing back from this it will happen again. Find love and dignity for yourself and refuse to put up with this behavior. I know you’re sad and it’s a loss, but really is it?