4 Months Into Dating Him…& This Happens

Why don’t you ask yourself why you are so concerned with me & my pics lol & calling me out trying to pick on me?

Not asking for your evaluation on me

Anyways um the gravatar thing is for all sites & I like it for my yahoo email . I’ll do whatever I want with my pictures & if it affects you then don’t look at me

& ohh trust me I could do any kind of convo I want, I have been in many situations in life! Just wouldn’t want to! I would rather save face & be in control of what I say, for example if what I hear makes me feel like I want to cry, I would prefer to give the guy a contolled response than be stressed in person. And then if I want to get teary eyed I can be in the privacy of my own home or whatever the case may be. That’s just me!! Doesn’t mean anyone has to agree with me. That is just my preference. Just like it’s your preference to act the way you do.

I said twice I am probably in the minority, I am well aware most would advise to definitely do it in person, just offering what I would do to the op in case it interests her at all. She can & will do what she wants to do.

Ashley, you rock. I dont understand why people take offense when their position is challenged. I like jay her advice, its lived through but there is no need for her to be defensive when she does the same. Anyway im nowhere looking good as you girl so go eat them tigers

Unfortunately, because casual sex is so readily available, and so many girls are willing to sleep with a guy without establishing what they want (or will accept less than they want for fear of losing a guy) it’s changed the dating landscape.

Online dating adds to this dynamic. Men and women have access to a virtual smorgasbord of choices.

In this landscape, you just have to assume someone you meet (especially on a dating app) is actively dating (and probably sleeping with others).

The wisdom generally stated on here is NOT to avoid establishing your intent for dating up front, it’s to make sure you have that conversation right away (before anything progresses). You can never assume just becasue a guy acts like a boyfriend that you are in an exclusive relationship.

I always have a lighthearted conversation when I meet a guy (on the first date) explaining what I’m dating for, and I ask my date the same question and let him answer. In my case, I’m not interested in casual. So I weed out guys that are, right away. For me, dating is about filltering out the wrong guys as quickly as I can, to narrow down the ones that have potential (for what I’m looking for). I go in with low expectations (but high standards) and just try to enjoy meeting new people. If you go into a date with the expectation that a guy might be “the one” or hoping this is the start of a serious relationship, you will make yourself miserable. Dating is really just an oversimplification of a vetting process to see if two people are really compatible.

For your health you should always demand a guy use a condom until you’ve established exclusivity and have both been tested for STD’s/STI’s. Sexually transmitted diseases are at all time highs. Not all STD’s are curable.

This guy may not feel he has anything to hide because you never even stated what you are both dating for. Seems like he may be assuming he is free to do as he pleases. Although if he’s talking/acting like a BF, and you aren’t using protection and he’s playing around, he would be in the pool of guys I wouldn’t date. He seemed unphased by the notification from the girl on bumble, and I would think a guy who wants something exclusive with a girl, would put any fears to rest immediately there is another woman competing for his attention. At least the guys I’ve dated seriously would have. They would have been too worried I’d be history otherwise (and I would have been). And there is no way I’d believe a condom wrapper in his bedroom does not belong to him.

In my experience, when a guy is really into you, you are never left guessing or wondering. Because he says and shows it (including making it clear he isn’t dating others, becasue he doesn’t want you seeing other guys)

But as women we must protect ourselves. That starts by knowing what we want, communicating that honestly and effectively (without freaking out or getting nasty).If you don’t have clear standards, you will end up chasing your tail and involved with men who only want to play.

You already know you need to talk to this guy. So this needs to happen as soon as possible. I hope you’ve learned some valuable lessons in this, because everything is a learning opportunity.

Going forward don’t get involved with a guy without knowing what you both want and are looking for. His words and actions must be in sync. Seeing you once a week is not the behavior of a guy who wants something serious, in my opinion.

I hope you stop having unprotected sex immediately (for your own sake). Don’t assume anything, other than there is no exclusivity until it’s clearly discussed and agreed upon mutually. And always keep your eyes open to ensure words, actions, and behaviors align with what you agree on. If someone changes the terms of the relationship unilaterally (or is unwilling to be transparent, open, and honest) they are not someone worthy of your time.

Coral – you seem like a very put-together 26 year old… Very calm…..

If anything, you are way too good for him…

So keep your calm, nothing to regret about, get clarity, and go from there….

Best luck, maybe all can be explained… Who knows….

I agree with Meemee.
You sound so mature for a 26 year old. I feel you can do sooooo much better! Maybe you’ll find that he’s not that special. Because you sound special to me but he doesn’t.

I think I’m going to drop him a normal message later, organise a meet up. Then just have a calm chat with him in person. Fingers crossed he’s willing to be direct with me & respect me enough to take in what I have to say. At nearly 30 years old I’d expect him to have the maturity to do that.

I’m in the UK not US by the way, haha. I’d rather talk to him in person about it really tbh. I hate having important talks over social media or texts.

*UPDATE*
Just an update on the situation guys, I messaged him casually after not talking for 5 days and he seemed fine but reserved. I suggested meeting up and he asked when I was free, which is positive. Looks like I’ll get my opportunity to talk to him this weekend or early next week about what I want to. He was carrying on the convo and asking me genuine questions about what we were discussing but very slow at replying which irritated me slightly. But he works in a busy bar, and its not unusual for him to reply slowly so I was patient and he has been responding.
He stated that he has been very overworked, stressed & hasn’t seen his family or friends since moving house which is actually when he started to sort of change in his behaviour towards me. I guess it’s possible hes genuinely been just very stressed & therefore maybe less focused on me? Obviously, that doesnt address the condom wrapper & bumble message…I will still talk to him about what I need to, but if hes genuinely stressed & things are as he says, then I’ll need to approach cautiously I feel.

Coral – you sound very calm and balanced foe 26 year old…I have total confidence in you that you will handle the situation well…. so just proceed as you see fit and let us know the results….

By the way, what is so charming about a 29 yr old single dad bartender? Lol

I have heard enough times on this forum that if no connect for 5 days, then he is not interested enough…I heard so many times here that I start to believe it……. but hope that is not the case w you…

You are so chill that you will be just fine whatever the truth is

Coral, keep us posted on what happens! And i hope you get your clarity this weekend :)

Meemee – based on all your posts, you can actually learn a lot from Coral yourself. I’m sure you’re a good person in real life but knocking someone else’s job is pretty low in character. I know plenty of well-off executives who would NEVER do this.

Hi Coral,

I stumbled across this and I know it’s been SEVEN years since this post but I’m so curious to know… WHAT HAPPENED??? I’d bet he was taking advantage of you because you never stated what you wanted and the condom was ON PURPOSE so that you would get the hint without him having to say anything. And getting a Bumble message and taking it so lightly that he still has the app and not deleting it on your face?

I really feel sorry for all the girls who get caught in the traps of manipulators.
Girls, men know RIGHT AWAY wether they like you for a LTR or not. Of course you need to get to know the person and see they are not maniacs, but that’s part of the dating process and that doesn’t mean he has to be treating you like a bet, along with other bets… you are not a thing, you are A PERSON for God’s sake… also, you can be with someone for years and he can become/you learn he’s a douche anyway… Look at you: even him showing all these kind of red flags and this didn’t stop you from keeping dating him…

When you want to be with someone, you just are. And a man who felt strong enough for you when he saw you, will book you all over in order not to risk somebody else takes you from him.

Yes, some relationships start like that and men put themselves 6-months marks as someone else said. The question is: do YOU feel comfortable with that? Why should WOMEN abide to how men want things? There must be consent among both…

I hope in all these years you’ve learned.

Before I end this, a message to ALL women: guys, a good male friend of mine says that if women knew what men talk about women when they are together alone, heterosexual relationships would be over forever. OPEN YOUR EYES: READ the enormous material there is on the internet targeted to men who want to use women and get away with it. They do stuff like what this guy did to Coral, AND ON PURPOSE. It’s alarming the number of men doing this, so take good care of yourselves, and as an advice if you want to take it: only have sex right away with guys you don’t care about or are too hot and you know it might be just that night, or you risk hurting yourself. Unless you belong to the lucky group of women who don’t get easily hurt. For those of you who have your regular typical levels of women’s hormones… take care.

NOW, CORAL, PLEASE TELL US WHAT HAPPENED SO WE LEARN FROM THIS!

Hope you are well.