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9 Secrets To Make a Long Distance Relationship Work

… (Previous page – 9 Secrets To Make a Long Distance Relationship Work) what you can control and knowing what leads to relationship success…

There are some tough truths about long distance relationships that, if you can accept them, will make you much more likely to have a successful LDR. At times I need to be blunt without sugarcoating because I want to help you… and sometimes the most helpful way for me to communicate is to make sure it’s clear and direct, so there’s no misunderstanding of what I’m saying.

What you need to understand is that people are going to do whatever they’re going to do. The only person that you’ll ever be able to control is yourself. Moreover, the only emotions you’ll ever have ultimate control over are your own.

So instead of trying to get the other person to feel a certain way, do certain things or be a certain way, put that effort towards controlling your own emotions, actions and reactions since that’s the only place you will ever actually have any control.

When you make being in a great mood your top priority in life, your positive mood spills into the relationship. You put your energy into what you have control over (your mood) and that, in turn, improves your relationship as a bi-product.

Control over the other person is an illusion anyway, and because of this, it only makes sense that you don’t even bother attempting to control the other person since it’s impossible.

Love grows when both people actively remember that they’re choosing the other person. So instead of having harsh rules on what the other person can or can’t do, why not base your criteria for staying together on how much you love choosing each other, every day, and how much you love bringing your best self to the relationship?

Hope it helps,

eric charles

Written by Eric Charles

I'm Eric Charles, the co-founder and co-editor of A New Mode. I love writing articles to help people free themselves from suffering and have clarity in their love life. I have a degree in Psychology and I've dedicated the last 20 years of my life to learning everything I can about human psychology and sharing what gets people out of struggling with life and into having the life they really want. If you want to contact me, feel free to reach out on Facebook or Twitter.

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Thank you for the article.
I have been in LDR for 3years and am very happy with my lady .

Reply August 7, 2020, 3:41 pm


Thanks for your post I read a lot of it and I feel so touched by it and this part of it of letting the woman knows what roles I would love to see her play motivated me that sometimes one knows things but if not reminded one may like not understand it..I also need an advice about this am trying to get back with an ex.gf but she is not giving me that chance to couple with the fact that distance was a big barrier before and now she is saying it can’t work. How can I convince her that I still want her..

Reply April 3, 2018, 7:34 pm


Nice read, but not completely right… If you are in relationship and you do love this person, you won’t have the need for temptations and you won’t hang out with other guys. If you have such a desires, there is no point of wasting your time and energy on LDR, comitment, etc… Just go out there and have some fun until you are ready for the real deal ;)

Reply June 15, 2016, 7:06 pm


If a guy was out of work, broke, direction-less and was with a woman who had a
great job, knew what she wanted and was actively pursuing it, and tried to make
his life easier by paying for dates and helping him with his resume, he would feel
like a total loser. It wouldn’t matter how amazing the girl is or how much he loves
her, he would feel pathetic in her presence and may come to resent her. Her
good intentions would only affirm how pathetic he is….you wrote today. What should a woman do instead to show love and suppport?

Reply May 10, 2016, 7:12 am


Hi Eric, I really enjoyed reading your article. However, I’m still a little confused on how I should go about my current LDR. The guy who I have been talking to for several months now has recently brought up the fact that he doesn’t really like long distance relationships but he’s still trying to figure things out. This threw me off completely because we communicate well ,our conversations usually are interesting and rarely ever dry, and he always tells me how interested he is in me.Also, the guy only lives a little over an hour away from me but what prevents us from seeing each other so often is our busy schedules. I’m not really sure how I should go about this. I was hoping you could give me some more advice. Should I move on or continue to talk to him and see what happens?

Reply May 5, 2016, 10:54 pm


Hi Eric,

I recently reconnected with a man I met 6 years ago and we began a LDR. It started when I texted him about 3 months ago to let him know I planned to visit his city. He became infatuated right away, telling me that he was itching for a wife and kids. At first I was very apprehensive and I was grilling him about why he would choose me. His answers were solid and he’s a grown man who knows what he wants for his future family.

He would blow up my phone all day everyday. He told me that he cut off his other women because he wanted to show me he was serious, even though he didn’t expect the same from me. We’ve discussed specific plans about when we would get engaged, where we’re going to get married, when we will be ready for kids etc. He came to visit me in March, and I visited him in April.

When I returned from my visit two weeks ago, he told me he had concerns about my family accepting him and our future children. He has met my sister and brother-in-law who is upset that he isn’t from my background. He hasn’t met my parents but my mom assured me that they will have no problem with him and not to worry about other’s opinions.

He also told me that I never say thank you! Unfortunately, I know there is some truth to this because he’s the second man to tell me this!

I tried my best to explain that I show my appreciation in other ways, and he said that he is going to try to trust me on the family thing. He told me that he loved me, missed me, etc.

Since then he still initiates most of the texts. But he’s not lovey-dovey like when we started. I can tell that his concerns are still very prevalent for him. Is there any way to get us back to the lovely place where we started? Have we moved past the infatuation stage? Or is our relationship damaged?

Reply May 3, 2016, 2:26 pm


You just saved my relationship…… Thank you so much….was just wondering were this article has been.

Reply May 2, 2016, 12:56 am


Thank you for the advice in the above article. I am currently in my first LDR with a guy for almost five months now. I need to use the above as part of my mantra. I am struggling though so I am hoping perhaps you might have some additional advice besides the above. My guy is an emergency worker who is on staggered shifts as well as on call. He is a bit of a workaholic – he has a passion for what he does and I completely respect that as I switched careers mid-life to do what I was passionate about too. Problem is that we used to text and talk more often and now his texts are general and may be only a couple days a week while the talk by phone went from once a week to once every two weeks. We have managed to meet each other physically twice since we started the LDR and when we are together, the spark and chemistry is totally there. He did warn me that he had a very busy life besides his job when we started dating but I feel like I seem to be the one trying to initiate a conversation with him all the time. I did try to talk to him about this concern and even asked him if he still wanted to date during our last phone conversation – his reply was “yes, of course I do” and we have planned to see each other again in a few months. I am just wondering if there is something I can do to get him to initiate conversation like he used to…. I gave him the opportunity to say that he didn’t want to date and he didn’t take it but it feels like we are in a bit of a holding pattern when it comes to moving this relationship forward. Is there anything else I can do besides the advice you have given above?

Reply February 1, 2016, 12:12 am


Thank you, Eric. Loved the article, I’ll keep coming back to it again and again! Sooo true and wise, reminders to live by!

Reply November 16, 2015, 7:14 pm

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