5 Steps to Make Any Man Fall in Love post image

5 Steps to Make Any Man Fall in Love

I got an e-mail from a reader the other day saying: “All that is great (it was in response to a newsletter article I sent out), but what are the steps to make a man fall in love with me?!”

I had to laugh at the (seemingly) adorable naiveté of her questions. To think making a man fall in love could be reduced to a simple set of instructions!

Later in the day, I started thinking about her question a little more. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that getting a man to fall in love really can be achieved following a few simple steps. And I was instantly able to pinpoint what they are.

Here you go:

Step 1: Attraction
This is the most obvious step…sparking a guy’s interest always starts with attraction. Being attractive to a guy doesn’t necessarily mean looking like a cover girl, it really boils down to being confident with who you are and what you look like.

It’s important to take care of yourself no matter what stage of a relationship you’re in. Make sure you fit exercise into your life– staying in shape has all sorts of benefits, especially when it comes to the way you look and the way you feel.

Find something you love doing- running, zumba, yoga, running, an at-home DVD (our Health Writer swears by Jillian Michaels Killer Buns & Thighs).

There are also a few scientifically proven beauty tricks to get a guy’s interest.

In a nutshell they are:

  • Red lips – Many studies have shown that a red lip makes a woman more attractive. This is thought to be because red lips are a sign of fertility
  • Lined lids – Using eye-liner or mascara creates a contrast that enhances your feminine sensuality
  • Flushed cheeks – Another sign of fertility and youth that makes you instantly more appealing. Try a subtle pale pink blush for a fresh, natural look
  • Thick locks – A recent survey showed that hair is the first thing men notice about a woman, even before breasts! Like the others, thick, shiny strands are an indication of good health.

And when it comes to fashion, always make sure you dress to flatter your figure and complement your personal style. If you’re uncomfortable with what you’re wearing, it will come across and this sort of thing is a big turn off.

Step 2: Go with the Flow
So an attraction has ignited you just start hanging out. You text and talk on the phone here and there, but you’re still in that stage where you don’t quite know where this is going. Just go with it!

Don’t analyze, don’t obsess, don’t plot, don’t stress. And don’t consider yourself off the market just because there’s a guy in the picture that you really, really like. Keep your options open, play it cool, and give him the space to come to you. And stop checking your phone every five seconds to see if he texted. Seriously, stop. (Recommended Reading: Why He Keeps You Waiting by the Phone and How to Handle It)

Step 3: Maintain your own life
Things with the guy are getting a little more serious, you’re hanging out more, the connection has deepened. That’s all well and good, but it’s imperative that you keep going about your life in the same way you were before you started dating.

Of course you can carve out some more space for him, but don’t drop everything else you had going on in your life before he entered the picture. Keep going about your life as you usually would, keep hanging out with friends, going to book club, working out, everything you were doing before… keep doing.

The fact that you had a well-rounded life is a big part of why he was drawn to you, so don’t stop being that girl just because you have a guy.

Step 4: When it comes to label time…
Ask yourself, do you want to be with him, or do you just want to be with someone.  At this stage, it’s important to check yourself and make sure that you want the label for the right reasons.

A man wants to feel adored and appreciated for who he is. It is an amazing feeling for a man when a woman he’s into sees who he truly is and wants to be with him.

On the other hand, it is utterly unsettling to a man when the girl he’s seeing just wants a boyfriend and he knows he’s just filling a slot that could easily go to any other male.

A lot of women get so caught up in the fantasy of having a boyfriend that they fail to really see the person they’re dating… all they see is the chance to not die alone. When a guy feels that you appreciate how unique he is and what he himself can contribute to your life, he won’t hesitate to make it official.

If you’re doing it right and he still won’t put a label on it, use your walking power and leave the situation. If he cares for you at all, he won’t let you go.

Step 5: Appreciate, acknowledge and respect him for who he is
Men are absolutely starved for respect and appreciation. At the end of the day, all he really wants is to make you happy and to feel that you see and appreciate him for who he is…that you see the hidden sides of him that no one else gets to see, that you know his inner self and love and appreciate who he is.

You can’t fake your appreciation though, it has to be sincere and genuine. When he does something nice for you, be it something big or small, show him that you noticed and that you appreciate it. The more specific you are with your compliments and acknowledgments, the better.

An ideal woman to a man is a woman who is thoroughly happy with him. If you are genuinely happy with him and with the relationship and are able to  see him and accept him without an angle or agenda, he won’t be able to stop himself from falling hopelessly in love with you.


So there you have it. The steps to make any man fall in love. Just promise me you’ll use this instruction manual wisely, not to make any and every man fall in love.


Written by Sabrina Alexis

I’m Sabrina Alexis, the co-founder, and co-editor of A New Mode. I love writing relatable, insightful articles that help people understand relationship dynamics and how to get the love they want. I have a degree in psychology and have spent the last 10 years interviewing countless men and reading and studying as much as I can to better understand human psychology and how men operate. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Instagram.

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This might sound silly, but when I think about what a man wants, I think of “Lovesong” by The Cure. I really feel like it’s a checklist of what a man wants a woman to make him feel. It’s as simple as it ever needs to be and subjective enough for you to interpret it independently without compromising those little quirks that make you beautiful.

Reply September 10, 2013, 2:58 pm


If there’s anything I’ve learned with dating it is that if you are interesting, independent, easygoing, casual, fun, supportive, caring and approach dating as you would any friend men will love to be around you. Just be yourself and if it’s the right person it will fall right into place. I think it’s much more simple than we believe and we shouldn’t stress. It’s a two way street and I ultimately believe we shouldn’t just rely on them to make the relationship work. It takes effort on both parts so that means reaching out to them and texting or calling to say hello. If you have a full life it will not come across negatively. It just shows you’re interested in getting to know him. It’s all in the attitude and honestly I’ve found that if I want something like more communications you get great results when you tell him how much you enjoy your time together and when you hear from him. I’ve never had a negative response when I tell a guy that I love hearing from him and really appreciate the time we get to talk. Don’t ever use email or text to send a negative message. If you want to hear from him more the best method is to express how much you do like the time you do spend talking and together. I’m telling you from personal experience if you go the negative route and say I need to hear from you more it just goes south. Guys do NOT respond well to bitchy, snarky, negative messages.

Reply February 13, 2013, 1:40 am


please guys i need immediate help , so i have this huge crush on a guy who studies with me in college but he’s always alone and never talks to anyone he just doesn’t have friends there , so i added him on facebook and we talked twice he was nice though mysterious and quiet , he said it’s just his nature he’s not talkative but he doesn’t mind people talking to him cause he’s not complicated also i saw his pics with many friends having loads of fun they were mostly girls, so he’s so not a loner or anything , from the way he acts and how he rushes out whenever he’s done makes me think he’s not interested in making new friends from college that’s why i’m so confused how should i talk to him and get him to talk to me and even like me? knowing that he still doesn’t know me in reality should i reveal myself or just wait for him to ask me to do so? please help

Reply February 7, 2013, 6:09 am


I think you should definitely talk to him in person. If a girl in my class added me, I’d probably accept if I recognized her, but I almost certainly wouldn’t talk to her in person unless I thought she wanted to. As the guy, he really ought to approach you first, but if he’s always busy or isn’t really interested then he won’t think anything of it. I doubt he has any idea that you like him, though.

Reply February 7, 2013, 2:04 pm


so you’re saying i should go talk to him in person even though he might not be interested in knowing who i am ? and say what hey it’s romii from facebook? would that really work or would it seem like i’m desperate to talk to him , first i added him out of the blue and then without him showing any interest in wanting to actually meet i go talk to him? :) hey thanx for your advice by the way that’s pretty nice of you

Reply February 7, 2013, 6:10 pm


You’re most welcome. ^_^

I don’t know for sure what is the best idea. I’m a fan of the traditional way where guys approach women (not that I’m any good at it, lol). But since you already added him and he simply doesn’t seem to realize that you like him, I don’t think it would be too forward to go up to him. Maybe when you introduce yourself, you should try to play off adding him so he won’t think you’re a creep. Haha. Maybe say something like, “Hey ____, I’m Ronii from Facebook. I thought maybe I should say hello since I added you online.” Next you could make up some sort of story along the lines of, “I stumbled across your profile and recognized you from class, so I added you because I don’t know anyone in this class.”

I don’t think it would necessarily be good to lie, but you also shouldn’t flat-out tell him you like him or think he’s cute. Try to come up with a story that is at least mostly true that will convince him that you had a good reason to add him online before meeting him, and then try to have a normal conversation. Ask him about his classes or why he leaves early or something like that so that he’ll open up and see that you’re just trying to be friendly. After that, only time will tell if he becomes interested in you. However, I strongly recommend that you don’t make the first move here. I can’t speak for all men, but I know I am psychologically turned off to a girl who tries to pursue. I don’t know why exactly, but if he’s that same way then he’ll probably not like you at all if you are too aggressive. Guys usually only appreciate it when girls take lead in a relationship like this if they’re already dating, in which case he can back off as the leader and they function more like partners.

Also please don’t read this as misogynistic. I don’t mean it that way.

Reply February 8, 2013, 2:27 am


oh not at all , in fact i totally agree with you , i’ve never approved women making the first move myself , never done it and never will :) i think it makes ’em seem desperate even when they’re not, but what i meant is just introducing myself as a friend nothing more and i would certainly not tell him i like him , i’m just interested in getting to know him more and becoming friends with him and that’s what i should let him know right? and the rest is up to him =] if he didn’t like me that way after a while i’d be thrilled to have him as a friend i don’t mind , you’ve been the most helpful my dear friend i will most definitely go by what you told me.
ps: since you’re a guy and you seem like you know some things about guys ,can i bore you with details and keep you updated every once in a while so you could tell me what to do if that’s not too much trouble ? :/ i really appreciate your gesture anyways

February 8, 2013, 3:53 pm


lol sure you can. Btw for some reason I can’t reply to your latest post. Anyway, note that I am a guy who hasn’t dated in several years (not for lack of desire, though I’m content in singleness). Point being that my advice, while true to myself, may not be the best for other guys. It’s hard to know for sure because my values aren’t really the same as the majority of men my age. I hope my advice helps, but please don’t hold me responsible for anything that may go wrong lol.

Reply February 9, 2013, 2:43 am


what latest post?? .oh please don’t say that of course i wouldn’t hold you responsible if anything bad happened :p i know you’re just trying to help and doing your best according to your beliefs , point of view and stuff =] it’s just that i admire the way you think

February 9, 2013, 1:15 pm


What I wouldn’t give to hear a woman in my life say that, lol.

Reply February 11, 2013, 12:34 am


hey Cillendor i just wanted ur opinion on something so today i sat next to my crush in the amphi unintentionally , he was quiet as usual didn’t say a word (he still doesn’t know who i am) i saw the perfect opportunity to initiate a friendly convo and finally picked up the courage after severe hesitation and i asked him about study ; he answered me with short indifferent answers without even looking at me he was so annoying i really didn’t like the way he acted ,i think he’s more of a proud cocky kinda guy like the one that doesn’t talk to “EVERYONE” i’m very disappointed to be honest cause he turned out to be so not my type i don’t know if we could get along together since i’m more of an outgoing extrovert girl (or so they tell me!!!) i like to have fun and enjoy everything and i love to laugh a lot :] . so do u think it’s too soon and unfair to judge him since i only talked to him once for like a jiffy and i’m being paranoid and overreacting even though he didn’t even give me the chance to approach him as a friend and totally blocked me off , he was so different than those times we talked on facebook . do u think he deserves a second chance? cause i still really like him in spite of it all but for the record i’m too embarrassed to go there again cause that was the first time i do such thing -_- it was desperate and humiliating and i do not intend to do it again in the near future :3 he seems like he prefers loneliness at least in our college!! and i’m gonna give to him and just back off with what’s left of my pride.what do u have to say about that?

February 17, 2013, 4:13 pm


I don’t really know what to tell you. He may really not want to be friends, though I think you’ll know for sure after you finally introduce yourself. But then he might just be really wrapped up in his own mind and not enjoy intrusion. Introverts and extroverts can pair together quite nicely, but they need to understand each other (and that of course takes time as the relationship progresses). At this point, I’m pretty sure he’s an introvert. I am one myself, and we introverts don’t necessarily have a problem with social interactions, but we don’t like small talk, and we prefer to be only with people we know and like. It’s harder to get to know us unless we are just immediately attracted to you (not just physically, but your personality or something else too). We observe everything around us and think about it constantly, but we don’t usually share our thoughts unless it’s with someone in our inner circle. Online, we open up more because any two or more strangers online can seem like just one person, so we are really just putting our thoughts “out there” in a way that we don’t normally do in person.

If this guy is still responsive online, I’d suggest maybe telling him online who you are. It’ll make it less awkward than in person, and then if he recognizes you after that, he might be more comfortable with the thought of approaching you.

One more thing about introverts is that we do sort of prefer loneliness. We really want close friends or a relationship to invest in, but most of the time we would rather be alone than invest in someone because opening up leads to rejection.

I have a question for you, now. I have a friend with whom I was in love for nigh on two years. I watched her date two different guys, and then when she broke up with the second guy, we started hanging out more. Her roommate encouraged me to make a move and confess my feelings, but it didn’t go over well and ended up with me ending our friendship for a while so I could get over my feelings. In the past year, we’ve hardly talked or hung out at all, and I’ve been fine with it. But my roommate also knows her, and once recently she and I saw each other and were talking for a few minutes while my roommate was with me. After he and I walked away, he told me that he’s almost positive that she used to like me. He said it’s not the first time he’s seen that, but pretty much every time he sees us together, he can tell that she used to like me. This past week has been hellish for me because my OCD brain won’t stop trying to figure this out—what went wrong? why she rejected me if she liked me? when did she stop liking me? is my roommate just crazy?

She’s dating someone else now and they’re pretty serious, so I don’t want to interfere. Also I don’t think I can be friends with her again at all if she’s dating someone else because I’ll just become jealous, and she’ll know it. Before when she had a boyfriend, I hid my jealousy because she wasn’t aware, but now it’s different because she knows. I tried inviting her over for my birthday party* recently. She texted me back initially saying that she was going bowling, but when I offered for her to stop by later if she wanted, she didn’t reply. I think that’s a pretty clear answer without words, but I really either want to move on (for the second time) or find out the truth of whether she used to like me. It’s getting so frustrating, but this is how my brain works, and I don’t know how to stop it.

*Another thing about introverts is that we rarely enjoy large social interactions such as parties. We especially don’t like being the host because we can’t just leave in the middle of it if we’re getting tired and need to retreat. Thankfully, the people who came over were all pretty good friends, so it was really casual and laid back, and turned out to be a lot of fun. But if your guy is an introvert, he probably won’t want to hang out unless there is an easy way to leave if he gets tired—like a restaurant or coffee shop. Also I don’t mean tired as in needing a nap, but tired as in his brain has taken in too much information and he needs to be alone to process. There is a really excellent blog post somewhere on the interwebs that has a 10 Step Guide to Understanding Introverts, or something like that. If you look for it on Google, you should be able to find it. It might help you understand this guy a little more.

Also, be aware that he might not be an introvert. He could just be an asshole. Haha.

Reply February 17, 2013, 6:26 pm


i’m glad you brought up the “observing everything around u and thinking about it constantly” part cause it’s seems to be his thing! he just stands there watching what’s going on , drowning in thoughts like he’s not actually there i even catch him looking at me sometimes but not in a way that says he likes me instead like he’s trying to figure me out or crack my code or something but it’s so easy i just want to be nice since no one bothers it’s not like i freaked him out with questions or information just talked to him the way i talk to any stranger about STUDIES!! you said you guys are not fans of “small talk” you prefer having close friends and relationships so when you’re at some new place where you don’t know anyone just like in his case wouldn’t you be interested in making new acquaintances especially if someone already made it easier so u wouldn’t have to worry about what to say or what he thinks of you making the first move ? you can’t just be lonely forever it’s just unhealthy and not of human nature , besides he told me himself that day we spoke online that he doesn’t mind people talking to him in fact he even said and i quote :loneliness is good though it’s nice to have someone to hang out with and talk to! that’s why i thought it’d be nice to keep him company sometimes but if he’s not letting me in how in hell would i do that?? today i saw him talking to some girl about study he looked a bit more comfortable than with me and was at ease but just for like seconds.so i started to wonder is he like that just with me and what the heck did i do to him, ps: yeah i’m considering the asshole case now :D
*about your problem now , it’s difficult to figure one’s feelings but sometimes the close ones to us can see what we can’t in your case your roommate if he says she might like/liked you then he most likely sees a spark in her whenever she’s with you which means she feels the same about you but then she could just like you so much and enjoys your company and thinks you’re special yet i have to say how this girl acts really confuses me so i don’t want to give you fake hope or frustrate you even more ; on one hand her not going to your birthday party clearly shows that she’s still feeling the awkwardness between the two of you either because she realized she had feelings for for you after too late (since she’s already dating someone else) and seeing you would only make things worse , or cause she was still not over it (as if she didn’t see it coming) ; on the other hand the fact that she’s dating and it’s serious as you put it means that she didn’t feel the same about you and even if she did at some point she’s clearly over you :/ otherwise why would she reject you and simply move on ; i’m sorry this doesn’t seem very promising but who knows maybe she did/does like you but she had/has some reason to act the way she acts,however i think since her roommate talked you into confessing your feelings she has the answers to your questions try to ask her those questions you asked , i mean if she wasn’t sure her roommate liked you why would she ask you to do such thing? and what makes it even harder for you is that she’s not interacting with you anymore (she didn’t respond to ur text msg) so you can’t go forward and ask for an explanation in order to close the case !! i’m so sorry i couldn’t be much more of help for you i really can’t understand the contradictions inside this girl’s mind i really tried :/

Reply February 18, 2013, 5:06 pm


lol I wouldn’t write him off as an asshole just yet. Does he know who you are yet? You really ought to come clean now, or else you may lose your chance.

Those are good thoughts. It does help. I think my Dopamine kick is wearing off now, though, and soon I’ll go back to not caring. I guess in my heart I’ll still love her, but I won’t see her as someone I should pursue. Unless she and her boyfriend break up sometime this spring, there will be no chance for me to restore my friendship with her.

Reply February 19, 2013, 1:53 am


yeah i highly recommend you let her go and not pursue her , but don’t let her know you’re suffering for her :/ don’t reveal your weakness instead play it cool as if you already moved on in treating her very normally!! i know it’s not as easy as it seems and it’s hard to walk the walk but that’s how you should act , pretend to be over her and soon enough you’ll believe so, trust me i’ve been there and it actually works! i won’t say you’ll be able to forget it all and it will all be okey cause i know it sucks,so best of luck that’s all i can say :]
and what’s that about “u ought to come clean now or else you may lose your chance” ? :d well no he doesn’t know who i am yet cause we haven’t spoken online since that one last time i told you about and in reality as i said he didn’t give me a chance to!!! i’m not sure how i would tell him !! i’m just thinking of backing off and letting go he’s obviously not interested and i won’t impose myself , one shot is enough…+ don’t need more humiliation in life =)

February 19, 2013, 1:59 pm


w00t!!! That’s awesome. :D

February 20, 2013, 1:18 pm


Yeah, I think you are right. :/

I just meant that if you want to get anywhere with him, you really need to tell him who you are. But who knows, maybe it is too late now. Idk. You won’t know unless you try. Maybe you should try talking to him online again though? Otherwise, at least he hasn’t outright rejected you, so you can walk away with your pride in tact. There will be other men :P

Reply February 19, 2013, 9:42 pm


lol :D just wanted to let you know , he said hi to me when i passed by him XD with a grin on his face!! i wouldn’t call it a smile but , better than nothing hein?

February 20, 2013, 12:32 pm


Women can consider different methods on how to make a man fall for you easily. In this way, it is even easier to get the attention of the guy that you like.

Reply February 1, 2013, 9:10 pm


I’m a (almost) 23-year-old guy. I’ve been in only a small handful of relationships, never very long or very serious. I have a hard time maintaining my physique, which probably is making it harder to impress women now.

But when I randomly clicked on this link from another website, I was expecting a bunch of dumb sex-related tips that lacked all substance and were just about winning the guy’s loyalty. I was pleasantly proven wrong.

I can affirm that all five of these points is absolutely true (though personally, I prefer a more natural face with little to no makeup). As probably one of the only members of my species left who wants to wait til marriage to go into the bedroom, these tips deal exactly with the emotional needs of guys who are in it for the long haul. Not every guy could explain it this well, but at some point we all realize it. Even the dirtbags who sleep around with every girl out there realize it, but they’re too insecure to admit it so they try to hide it by being promiscuous.

Anyway, thanks, Sabrina, for writing such a spot-on article.

Reply January 25, 2013, 3:34 am


Hey there Cillendor, so what do you look for in a date?

Reply April 12, 2014, 3:09 am


Great article, awesome info and SO true…thanks!!

Reply January 23, 2013, 4:29 pm

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