July 28, 2021 at 11:43 am #899651
We’ve known each other for years and he has always been very protective of me. Everytime we are together he tells me he’s going to take me out for drinks sometime and we’ll have a good time. We never do,but it’s always brought up. When we first met I asked him to meet up with me like a double date so I wasn’t a third wheel and he did. Later that evening he told my friend he was going to take me on a date sometime. I was right there and completely froze up. He quickly said it’d be weird for us to go out because of our siblings being married. He’s always hugging me and staying near me in group settings. We were at a party and he held my hand most the night. I fell and he helped me up and never let go of my hand. He was drunk both of these times, and so was I. He does these things and then tells our mutual friends I’m like a sister to him and he doesn’t like me that way. He never says this to me. I don’t know why he acts this way towards me and it’s hurting me because I do care about him. What do I do?July 28, 2021 at 3:02 pm #899708
Either tell him how you feel and take a chance he’d want the same if he knew you were interested, or make the decision that you don’t want to pursue this as a thing and show up with much stronger boundaries than you currently have so that you have space to move on. Next time the mixed signal behavior comes up, don’t accept it, even if you have to remind him you’re in-laws and friends and you don’t hold hands with your other friends.July 28, 2021 at 3:17 pm #899714
You’ve posted about this guy a couple of times… Aren’t you tired of this?July 28, 2021 at 4:05 pm #899725
I would absolutely NOT tell him about your feelings. Guy who is into you will make it happen. Just wait. If he does not, it means he doesnt like you that muchJuly 28, 2021 at 7:07 pm #899766
She said this same dynamic has been going on for years and it sounds like it’s driving her crazy. What is she waiting for? No reason to stay in limbo any longer, she needs to look out for herself, and it sounds like she sees him frequently due to their social and family circles. It’s not the end of the world to tell someone you care about them, even if they don’t feel exactly the same way. Then you know for sure, take time to mourn the loss of potential if you don’t hear what you were hoping for, and move on from there to open yourself up to new connections instead of staying stuck on one that isn’t going anywhere. Sometimes people need to do that if deciding in their own mind to move on isn’t working, or if they want to practice being strong enough to voice their needs even if the outcome isn’t ideal, and that’s okay. Honoring yourself by having healthy boundaries is always the right move. It’s up to her if the right healthy boundary for her is saying what she wants or if it’s shutting down any of his ambivalent behaviors.
I do agree that, in general, guys who aren’t making a move after all that time either aren’t interested or (if they actually are secretly interested) have way too many issues with fear and commitment to be good partners. So I don’t think the setup is good for the situation to evolve into anything, but finding a way to process and move past limbo (which might involve speaking up) will only help OP in the long-run.July 29, 2021 at 7:13 am #899920
You’ve posted the same story many times over the years, and you’ve gotten lots of great advice. Please refer to your previous threads.July 29, 2021 at 7:18 am #899922
i agree with maddie. either just call him out on his behaviour and ask him straight out. for how many years can one playthis game?July 29, 2021 at 3:42 pm #900000
Hi Molly27 – I noticed some people have pointed-out that you’ve posted about your friend (brother-in-law?) before. I remember this situation as well. I am sorry that you haven’t found clarity, and I hope you find something that helps you come to terms with this.
I noticed our community members are a little frustrated that it seems that very similar questions have been posted before. Maybe you can help steer the conversation in a direction that’s less frustrating and more helpful!
If any advice given to you here resonates with you and has been helpful, then I think that’s a great place to start a conversation. What advice have you seen that’s helped you feel better? Or, if you’ve tried something based on advice someone has given you, let us know how that turned out.
On the other hand, if zero of the advice given to you has helped, then that’s also a place to have a conversation. Do you feel like the advice doesn’t apply to you? Is it hard to follow-through with something — if so, that’s okay, but tell us why.
I hope you re-visit this topic thread and move the conversation forward. That’s important – please consider how to move the conversation forward. Good luck!