Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Why am I still thinking about her?
- This topic has 7 replies and was last updated 4 years, 6 months ago by
Daisy.
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Josh
Ok, I know this forum is for ladies, but I need advice. I dated a girl 4 years ago for 8 months. She had broken off her engagement to her partner but then her partner/husband now tried to get her back. She decided to marry him and dumped me. I’m still heartbroken. Shes got two kids with him.
She was stunning, 5 foot 8, tanned, half Spanish. We hadn’t gone through ups and downs which she had with her husband, they were together several years and when the broke off their engagement we started dating. I think I didnt really know her imperfections while we dated, we just enjoyed each other’s company. I got the feeling she was just using me to get to him but it hurt cos I still have a crush on her. Why cant I stop thinking about her?
Anderson
You answered your own question ahen you said “I didnt really know her imperfections while we dated.” Ever notice how people’s “the one that got away” is almost always someone where a proper relationship wasn’t able/allowed to flourish?
I’ve noticed a pattern where it’s difficult for some people to get over someone if a relationship ends in the honeymoon phase, with its potential not realized.
Anderson
I dont know about you but personally, my rational mind naturally doesn’t lament the loss of someone I didn’t know for a significant period of time, and connect to emotionally. For which imperfections/shortcomings are necessary.
I question how much you really even knew the real her, if you had met her too soon after her engagement broke up.
Joh
I think it’s the fact I didnt know her imperfections and that I was dreaming about her perfect nature and her physical beauty that i cant find in any other girl. But the fact that i cant stop thinking about her really irritates me when theres also other girls i could have gone out with who could be similar to her.
Tallspicy
knock knock
Who’s there?
The person I made up in my head, that’s who.
SHE IS NOT WHO YOU PROJECTED HER TO BE. NOW GO OUT AND MEET OTHER WOMEN WHO LET YOU INTO THEIR LIVES AND ARE THAT WOMAN.
Liz Lemon
I’m not sure why her ethnicity (half Spanish) is even relevant?
That you are so focused on her appearance– tanned, beautiful, half Spanish– just emphasizes the fact that you are hung up on some fantasy woman in your head. You’re not even focusing on the things that are important in a relationship– trust, compatibility, honesty. And if you “didn’t know her imperfections” in the relationship, then you didn’t really know her.
She dumped you. She chose her ex over you, and married him. That right there should motivate you enough to realize she isn’t the dream woman you make her out to be. There’s no big trick to this– you yourself have to decide to let go of the fantasy and move on to reality, and date women who are available for a relationship.
Andrea
It’s because she got out first. You’re the Dumpee.
Daisy
You come off as pretty superficial. You’re so focused on this woman’s looks, you’ve put her on a pedestal. What if her looks have faded over the years? Would you still idealize her? It sounds like you might have an avoidant attachment style. Perhaps you’re using this woman as an excuse not to develop a real relationship with another woman.
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