Wanting to feel more romance / more of a priority

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  • #943748 Reply

    My boyfriend and I are in our early 30s and have been together about 2 years. We moved in together after 1 year and things are going well. We are planing to buy a house in the next few months and talk often of marriage.

    My issue is that he seems to want a lot of alone time. This is fine and I understand that people need that, I do sometimes as well. I just do not need as much. I work from home and he goes into the office. I also at least 2-3 nights in a full week go out with friends, go to a workout class or watch a show alone. So not only apart during the work day but sometimes after work or on weekends. When we are together things are good but I do feel like I do most of the planning and effort into doing things together.

    He left this morning for a work trip where he will be gone all week so last night I poured us some wine and went in to spend time with him while he packed. He was packing last minute and was seeming very stressed so I was there to help. He seemed annoyed I was there towards the end and I thought went down to get another glass of wine. 20 mins later I go downstairs to see him watching something else. I let him know that upset me he didn’t communicate that and that I was trying to spend time together before he left. He got upset and said it wasn’t a big deal. We made up and he left for the trip. I have been feeling sick all day today (likely food poisoning from a sushi lunch) and he hasn’t really checked in.

    All of this makes me upset because he doesn’t often do romantic things in general. I guess I just hoped he’d want to spend time together the night before he left. Or upon finding out I was sick would check in or even send me something via DoorDash. Or even leaving a cute note before he left. Those are the types of things I’ve done for him. I feel like I’ve mentioned small things like this in the past and he just doesn’t seem to do them back. He’s a good boyfriend. I trust him. And I know he loves me. I just wonder if this mismatch in expectations can work long term.

    #943749 Reply

    He’s not going to change… Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life?

    #943777 Reply

    he got comfortable with you and he doesn’t realize how important affection and romance are to you. if you’ve communicated seriously about how it has made you feel and there is no change, he probably does not care enough about your feelings. you should give him the same attention and level of affection he does to you. do not waste your time on someone who will not reciprocate!

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